Feast of the Immaculate Conception - Happy Mother's Day Mary!

Today is meaningful day for me, not just because it is a Holy Day of Obligation ,but as a Catholic Mother I a take time to reflect on my motherhood. The readings remind us today of the beginning of God’s relationship with us through the story of Eve in Genesis.  The story of Adam and Eve is one that tells us of our human condition and always reminds us that we are not as trusting of God as we were created to be. Not that we do not have the power to trust, because at times in life we amaze ourselves with the ability to trust God, but that we fall over and over again in believing that God has our best in mind. The serpent was able to convince Eve that God was not telling her the truth about the tree of knowledge and that somehow God was keeping something from her. And so trust was broken and life became hard outside the promises of God. It was especially hard because Adam and Eve would struggle to see themselves as God sees them, and we would begin the long hard struggle of gaining that vision back. We tend to see ourselves, thousands of years later, being naked, exposed and concentrating on that fact instead of all the things that God has given us, all of which are freely given.

As a young woman I too struggled with only seeing what I wasn’t instead of who I was, and this belief of not being enough led me to never really expecting the best for myself.  What I wanted in life, all the good things, a good husband and children, somehow seemed to be out of my grasp; instead of looking into myself for the answers I looked outward and became discouraged. As I think of Mary’s journey today, I see how she was the one who broke the chains of fear and Eve’s inability to trust God. Mary trusted God with all that she was, and agreed to be a part of something that would change the world forever, never asking to know the outcome before she agreed.  I was tired of waiting for “the one”, and he was not coming, I felt that I had to get that through my head. I know now that it was the same serpent of Eve, telling me that God didn’t really hear my prayers.  I didn’t want to believe it, I was a good person, why wouldn’t it come to me? To seal the deal, the person I loved more than anything, was taken from my life when he took his own life. I couldn’t understand how a loving God could do this! And so like Eve, I took it upon myself to find knowledge, left the church and went about getting my own dreams. I gave myself to the first person that came along and used love as the reason. But from the beginning I knew that this did not fit with who I was. The problem was that I did not know who I was anymore, because I had taken God out of the equation. I just wanted to feel loved.  I found myself pregnant, pretty quickly, and in today’s reading I am reminded of how I felt that day. We hear Mary saying, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man? Not that I didn’t have sexual relations but I had no “relationship” with a man, because in order to have a relationship I would have had to be present, and I wasn’t present to anything except physically. I wonder today, of how many women find themselves in the same situation, knowing that they are physical with a man, but really are not in relationship to them. There are so many of us women, seeking love, and we just can’t find the love that will satisfy our inner soul, because that place is reserved for God. At this point, I had some “choices”--  I could have had an abortion and my reputation would not have been stained, but my soul would have been stained forever; I could have stood in a church, proclaiming my vows, knowing that I would not be able to fulfill them; or I could have confessed my sin, taken the consequences and sin no more, asking for help to make this situation (which felt horrible) into something that glorified God. I choose the later. I chose to get busy in making a life with this small child and finally trusting in God that all would be well. Through this event, God (and me) brought me to a place that I was forced to trust in Him, because there was nothing else to trust. From that moment on I was at peace and luckily for me it was in the beginning of my pregnancy. This baby who was growing inside me was not a “mistake” it was hope that God and I were growing together.  I wish that for every woman that finds themselves in this place would believe that God has great things for you and for that child, no matter the circumstances.  Think of the fear that Mary must have felt because she could be stoned to death, and if she can say yes to life, what are we afraid of … tarnished reputations or financial struggles? Take on the fight! That small child inside of us wants to be born, wants to receive God’s promises.  This small little boy inside me, was the answer to my prayer, I wanted to be a Mom, maybe not in these circumstances, but I know that God used it to bring me ever closer to him and ultimately give me the answer to who I was.  In the Book of Revelation, we see Mary, triumph over the serpent, with 12 gold stars around her head, the Queen of Heaven and earth, she shows us how to trust in a way that Eve before her failed. She shows us how every day, trusting God wins over evil, even when you have to watch your child being placed on the cross!

When I gave birth to Noah, there were some medical complications that were pretty serious, so within just a few minutes we went from delivering to C-section to emergency surgery, and as they placed the mask on my face, I heard God ask, “will you die for him?” and my answer was “Yes” and never in my life was I in a position to give my life for someone else and God gave me this gift.  Now I can approach life in a whole new way, understanding love. The gift I was given that day is knowing, really knowing, what Jesus gave for me in taking up the cross. What Noah has taught me, is what Mary teaches all of us, to trust God with all our heart, with all of soul and with all of our minds. And when we can really trust, than we can understand the words, “all things are possible with God”.

Happy Mother’s Day to Mary and the Church, help us to believe in the coming of your Son.

Feast Day of St. Nicholas

Today we celebrate the Feast Day of St. Nicholas, the patron Saint of Russia and an Arch Bishop. There are many stories of St. Nicholas and if you ask most children, it is a Saint that they have heard of, almost taking the throne of Christmas, despite the fact that Christmas really is the birth of our Savior. I wonder what St. Nicholas would think about the adaptation of his role in Christmas. As I researched St. Nicholas I was struck by one particular story.

Throughout his life St. Nicholas retained the bright and guileless manners of his early years, and showed himself to be the special protector of the innocent and the wronged. Nicholas once heard that a person who had fallen into poverty intended to abandon his three daughters for a life of sin. Determined that this would not happen, he went out during the night, and taking with him a bag of gold, flung it into the window of the sleeping father and hurried off. He, on awakening, deemed the gift a godsend, and with it dowered his eldest child.  It seemed that St. Nicholas was pleased at how this went, and returned to help with the next daughter, but this time the father was watching and waiting and saw where the bag of gold came from. The father, in such gratitude, fell at the feet of St. Nicholas and asked him why he had concealed himself from the man and thanked him for delivering himself and his daughters from hell.

The stories of St. Nicholas, as varied as they are, show us that we must work for justice; but what is justice when the word is used more about revenge and “getting even”. Justice for all people is really about making sure that the person standing next to us, or across the globe receives exactly what God would want for them. Do we ever think of what God would want to the person we are dealing with? This time of year, in 2011, giving poses quite a problem. Yes, we are in the giving and receiving mode, or at least we think we are. We struggle and sometimes even get into debt or ignore responsibilities because we want to get someone some “thing”, but when we think of what God would want for the person that we are exchanging gifts with, does it equal out to a new iPod or iPhone, or some other material item? St. Nicholas was the one who would stand up for those who are innocent and wronged, haven’t we all been wronged by the incessant message this time of year that “things” will make us happy, or “things” will make our children happy? We all know that most of us need nothing, and we long for the time when the spirit of Christmas was different. Recently I was speaking with someone and they were handed a “wish list” from their parents!!  There is something wrong about that to me. While we are in need of no-thing, we are desperately in need of meaning, of love and understanding, none of which can be bought at your local Wal-mart!

This time of year, we should be thinking of how to get our lives in prospective. While we are in the dark, we can only see shadows and so we make up our own reality. Let us commit to awaiting the light that only Jesus can bring, and then we will see life as it truly is; with the bright light we will be able to see ourselves and others as God sees us.  Like St. Nicholas, let us take on the role of protector of the innocent and the wronged and allow Jesus to be seen this Christmas. Let us put down the credit card, and give of ourselves to one another this Christmas.