Letting Go of the Net

I have been quiet, especially in this blog this year. It is hard to believe, when I think back on the enthusiasm that once ran through my whole being about the opportunity to share this gift of faith.  The problem is, I don’t think that I ever realized what a “gift” it was, and in so many ways, we do so little for this great gift and that it is all about God’s grace.

In the last few years I can honestly say that I have had the pleasure of having a “relationship” with God. A relationship that goes back and forth, I hear God speaking to me, and I truly listen. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense to me, but I forge on ahead, in a way, blindly believing what I hear. There have been way too many incidences in which God has made himself known to me, I really can’t think that I am crazy, though I have often used it at the beginning of my conversations, when I suffer from fear of being judged.  There is not a day that I don’t feel close to God, that He is with me, though like any good parent, he tries to teach the listen, give the advice and in the end it is ultimately up to me if love will come to life with action.

In the past year, I have heard God speak to me very much about my future, it didn’t really have a “game plan” now that I look back, just a promise of salvation and an opportunity to be with Him and others as we rebuild His church.  I heard Him tell me to “follow Him”, I really wanted to, for maybe the first time in my life, I could truly say that I LOVED God, in a relationship, not just because it felt that this is what we say, especially if we are working in the Church.  But then He brought me one step closer …. He told me that I would have to “drop my net”. 

For a long time I was so dissatisfied with my life and in the work I was doing.  But mostly, I was ashamed at the deceitful way I was living, often telling people what they wanted to hear so that I could keep my life comfortable. It began to be clear to me that, not only was it not fair to me and keeping me in sin, it wasn’t fair to those around me. Though I was in many, many instances telling people the truth of how I felt or understood things, it was my actions that spoke louder than my words and they didn’t add up.  I felt literally torn in half, and the more I was falling in love with Jesus, the more torn I was. 

Last summer, my father passed away.  I had always dreaded even the thought of losing a parent, I had never experienced it before, and how was I going to act.  I was my father’s health care proxy, and so during the process I felt very responsible for decisions I would have to make on my father’s behalf.  By some grace, during those last final days, I found strength and peace that I thought were impossible for me, and maybe even more impossible for our relationship.  I have to say, other than the birth of my son, I felt God’s presence, as sure as if He were sitting in the chair next to me.  My father, had a day before he passed, in which he was very coherent, and he was able to take the time and speak to each one of us, and in his amazingly humble way (sadly caused my his inability to recognize his own worth in this life) relieved my pain of thinking that he thought I didn’t love him because of the decisions I had made in the last few years. It wasn’t what I would have asked for, but it sure was what I needed to hear. I knew that my father loved me, but I also know that love can only be given within a person’s capacity.  During the last days of his life, he showed us that God was there, especially when he received the Eucharist for the last time on this earth, my father’s eyes were straight ahead, and radiated love so pure – I had only seen this one time before, and that was in my son’s eyes the evening I believe he said goodbye to the angels that delivered him to my care.  God was sitting in the room with us, and they, meaning the Holy Trinity and Mary were there to finally bring my father home … his earthly life had been hard, especially hard was his relationships with his own parents, and I knew that Mary, the mother of us all, was there to really show him true love.  It was so life changing to be in that room those few days. I knew that I couldn’t go back to the life I was living … that it was not just time to “follow Jesus” but to drop my net.

It wasn’t long after, that all the pieces fell into place, and it was time to leave a job, that in so many ways, I loved.  But perhaps more importantly, placed my identity in.  I had white knuckled it so long on the ledge, that I was tired, and in a split second, released all my fingers and fell back, hoping to be caught by God or to at least provide some cushion for the landing. I let it all go.

In my prayer life, I feel close to the first disciples, probably saying much of the same words that they did …. “Where are we going Jesus?”  “Why would you want to go there Jesus?” “Are you sure that these are the people you want us to help Jesus?”  “When are you going to use your mighty God power and make life right for us Jesus?” “I am not worthy Jesus.”  “Oh I will never abandon you Jesus!” “Of course I love you Jesus” Even when I hear myself say these phrases I think I am the first to utter them, but it doesn’t take long to realize that I am not. That so many have gone before me asking the same questions.

I think when I started this blog, I was really unaware of all the things that I didn’t, and still don’t have answers to.  What is this gift of faith, why do some people just seem to have it and others struggle so much with it?  What can I do to help those who struggle with their faith come to know and love God more? After all I am the “Director of Young Adult Ministry for the Diocese of Ogdensburg” shouldn’t I be able to bring others to Jesus, to the church or at least to World Youth Day?!  

Faith is a journey, a relationship that begins with someone who treats you a little bit like Jesus would.  And like all relationships in involves trust, interaction, asking for forgiveness when necessary, and action and sometimes -- sacrifice.  When we love someone on this earth it is amazing when we think of what we will do to show them that we love them. It is the same with our relationship with God. When I was young, I was fortunate to meet so many people who, when I look back, where Jesus to me and helped me to understand his love for me and for others. Who taught me what was required to be a follower of Jesus and who were “in it” with me so that I would eventually see that I could be Jesus for someone else.  It is time for me to take on the role more fully, and I am much more aware, that I am called to live as a believer in a way that would make others also want to know Jesus.  Like always, it means to put the fear aside and get at it!

Our culture thrives from people being afraid to talk about God and what He has done for them in their lives, that there is really no other way to live but to love God and to love others, especially those who are oppressed.  The Church is in such a state of change, not in the changes some people have been waiting for, women clergy, gay marriage, etc. etc. but fundamental change – the change within our own hearts, that opens are vision to ourselves in relationship WITH God, no longer on our own,an opportunity to love God with open hands, knowing that He is with us!

 

Where were you on 9/11?

Where were you on September 11th, 2001? It is a question that I am sure is being asked today, as our nation remembers the day our world changed with a quick strike of violence. I remember where I was, I was in my car driving to a job interview, and when I got to the interview, everyone was very distracted of the story that was being watched on tv and heard on the radio; I remember thinking that it just was so unreal, that this couldn't be happening. It was very frightening, as the news of other planes dropping out of the sky and innocent people, just going about their business lost their lives, made last minute phone calls to love ones and then where just gone! It was just unbelievable. All I wanted to do was get home with my 2 year old son and just hold him close to me. I just wanted to be with people I loved, and suddenly the future was unsure.

We humans are a funny bunch, because 11 years have passed, and in some ways, we have forgotten about the terror of that day; we have somehow been able to get back to the daily concerns of our lives. But I think that it was amazing that the whole country that day, understood that life is really not in our hands and that it can be taken away from us at any time. Do we use up our days to their fullest or do we live each day like it could be our last? Do we take the opportunity to help our neighbor when called on? Do we say "yes" to all the sacrifices that God puts before us for our love of Him and for his people? Do we put our lives in prospective each moment of the day? Do we tell people that they matter to us? Do we forgive those who have hurt us so that we are no longer held captive by our own resentment, anger or hurt?

Today, let us pray for those souls that were innocently going about their business that day, let us honor them today by not letting this day, which is a gift from God go by without our notice; begin today to be present in this day, say hello to that stranger going by, tell your family you love them and put your life in perspective. I really believe that those who lost their lives that day, our begging us to never forget, and to be present to the day God has given us. 

Dicussion on Faithful Citizenship - Oct. 21st and 22nd!

In the coming weeks, I really want to get out as much information as possible to people before we go into the voting booth. It is so important, now more than ever, for every Catholic to be informed and counted this election year. I also think that it is a very confusing time to vote as well! If you are like me, you feel that both parties seem to be lacking real truth, and therefore our vote may cause us some real anxiety.  I sometimes have a hard time voting for a candidate because of one topic, and if I vote one way on an issue, another group of people in the US will suffer. It is a difficult road to navigate, and sometimes a real hard topic to talk with people about as everyone is passionate about one issue or another. In an effort to give people a place to learn about the issues, ask questions and find a political conviction that coincides with our Catholic beliefs, the Office of Young Adult Ministry will be sponsoring a Discussion on Faithful Citizenship, a two evening webinar with Kathleen Gallagher and Dennis Poust of the New York State Catholic Conference. Parishioners across the Diocese of Ogdensburg will have a chance to engage in discussions about our call to Faithful Citizenship. Participants will be able to log in on their own computer at home, however, we are encouraging people to gather in groups, begin the discussion over a pot luck dinner, or dessert and coffee and log in together, either at your home, a friends home, or a parish center. As long as you have internet connection you will be able to attend.

To participate, please send an email requesting log in information to lturgeon@dioogdensburg.org or phone 315-323-4989 for more information.

For more information on Faithful Citizenship visit http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/faithful-citizenship/

Become like Children

"Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children,

you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven.

Whoever becomes humble like this child

is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven.

And whoever receives one child such as this in my name receives me."

On Sunday, we hopefully, learned that we are to not give up, to trust God in our journey, that we will be fed and that we have to keep our eye on Him at the top of the mountain.  And Paul reminds us that our duty as  Catholics/Christians is to love one another, forgive one another and to be imitators of Christ. I think that today, we hear about what follows when we have decided to live that way, and that is to be vulnerable to our neighbors: What if someone takes advantage of me? To live like Christ makes us very vulnerable, and Jesus teaches how vulnerable we can be as he walked the journey to the cross. Children do not think about the consequences in loving someone, they love unconditionally, and even when people do not treat them the best.  In my daily work in the mental health arena, I am often reminded that even when parents do not parent well, even in times of abuse, a child will still see something good in their parents and they will always want their love and feel loyal to them. As we get older, we decide that we are now "adults" and we must be taken seriously, and NO ONE will make a fool of us!!! But this attitude often stops us from feeding the poor, clothing the naked, loving the unlovable; and when we stop doing those things, than we can never be close to God.  We have to leave our fear at the altar, and go being open to all that cross our paths, the lonely, the hungry, etc.  without worrying about the negative consequences that might happen to us. Of course we have to be smart and be safe, but those circumstances are far and few be,ween in our lives, but everyday we pass people by without a smile or hello, and sometimes that is just what a person needs.  

St. Maximilian Kolbe teaches us how to be open to others in need, to trust God even in the most dangerous times, and to believe our faith so much that we will risk our lives for it. St. Maximilian was only a child when he had a vision of Mary, it is documented that he was 12 years old when he had the vision.  [This is an excerpt from the book, "Maximilian Kolbe Saint of Auschwitz" by Elaine Murray Stone]

     Raymond seemed embarrassed to reveal his secret. But finally, shaking with emotion, he obeyed and told her. "One day, when I was praying before the painting of Our Lady of Czestochowa in church" he began softly, "Our Lady appeared to me."

     Maria's broad face looked shocked. Could this be true, or was her son being sacrilegious? Even worse, perhaps he was going crazy. But she nodded for Raymond to continue. 
     "Our Lady was holding out two crowns. One was white, the other red. She gazed at me lovingly and asked, 'Which of these crowns do you desire?' Then the Virgin told me that if I chose the white crown I would remain pure for life. The red one was a martyr's crown. I thought about the choice for a minute. Then I told her, 'I want both of them.' The Virgin smiled sweetly at me. Then she disappeared."

     As he spoke, Raymond's face glowed with peace and innocence.  His mother could not help believing what he told her. But the greatest proof of the vision was the immediate change in her son's behavior. Obviously, something miraculous had taken place and transformed him. 

His life was the proof that he did indeed have a miraculous change. Unless we open ourselves, so that we are vulnerable, the heavens cannot come down and be a part of our life and we can not complete the journey God has in store for us. So many children throughout the ages have been the chosen ones of sacred messages from our Mother in heaven. She had faith in them, because they were open to her, they loved her with no reserve and therefore worthy of the promises we recieve in Christ Jesus. 

Jesus we ask you to open our hearts, to open our minds to that which is your will in our lives, help us to have total faith in you so that we may reveal your love to others, help us to be like St. Maximilian and not hold anything from You. 

To Pay or Not to Pay?

Sometimes the readings for the day just make us scratch our heads and say “Huh?” which I think is the reaction we may have to today’s readings. But fear not, there is much to see in the readings for today. I think as we head into this election year, they may be very fitting to what we got going on these days.

Does Jesus pay the temple taxes? – is the topic of the day. Remember the Jewish leaders were really trying to find something on this guy and at every turn they really thought that they would get them. We also have to remember that the temple tax was what the Jewish people paid, not to keep the temple going so much, but they saw it as atonement for their sins, and were commanded to do so in Exodus 30. Now since Jesus was the Son of God and was sinless, was it necessary for him to pay this tax? You also have to wonder if, being asked the question, was Peter just answering the question in a way that would not cause trouble and did he really know if Jesus actually paid the tax or not. Can you imagine Peter walking into the room where Jesus was and him thinking, how to bring up the subject with Jesus in paying this tax? After being told by Jesus himself that he would be taken and killed, it would be natural for Peter to want to keep Jesus out of trouble. Jesus though, knows exactly what Peter needs, and that is an answer to this tax issue. Jesus brings up the issue of the temple tax, it seems pretty clear that Jesus probably doesn’t, really have to pay the tax when looked at theologically, but even Jesus agrees to pay the tax “not to offend them”.  So he tells Peter to pay the tax, gives him a way to get the money to pay for it, and pays for Peter’s tax as well.  So what does that tell us now and why is it so important in our own time and world?

Peter, represents the Church in scripture, and often, the Church is always is in a balancing act between the political world and the spiritual. It is one of the reasons why I am proud to be a Catholic -- we ARE a voice in the world and we do not hide from commenting and exercising our religious rights in order for good to be done in the world. No, we do not endorse candidates or have big dinner parties to raise money for a particular party, but we are the voice of the poor and disenfranchised, and so many Catholics not only talk about rights of the poor, they actually give up their own lives for those in need. Hopefully, you have heard the continuing issues that arise from the recent HHS Mandate.  Check out The 6 Things Everyone Should Know About the HHS Mandate at http://usccb.org/news/2012/12-021.cfm.  Many lawsuits by Catholic Dioceses and organizations have been filed to fight this mandate that forces us, Catholics, to pay for things that we are absolutely morally opposed to; and many of these lawsuits have already been dismissed in favor of the government mandate.  So what do we do as Catholics? Last week, Gus Lloyd, who is a well known Catholic author and has a morning radio show on the Catholic Channel, had callers call in to his show to answer the question “Should the Church pay the fines that will incur if Catholic institutions refuse to follow the mandate?” In the light of today’s Gospel reading, what do you think? Should the Church just do what the government wants them to do, so not to offend, should we practice civil disobedience and not follow the mandate and pay the fine, or do we go even further and not follow the mandate and refuse to pay the fine?

Notice in today’s reading, the coin to pay the fine was in a fish? Which I think, reminds us that the answers come from God, we must listen to Jesus words, do what He tells us, and the answer will be revealed.

Under the Broom Tree

So much food in the readings today! It is just a reminder that we need to keep ourselves fueled, both physically and spiritually.  I just love the first reading from 1 Kings 19; Elijah heads into the dessert and makes it one day before sitting under the broom tree and literally asking God to take his life … I think it is the Old Testament version of “enough all ready!”.  Elijah tells God that he is no better than his ancestors and so why, why would God think that he can use him to bring about something good.  You can just tell that Elijah is tired, hungry and just can’t go on, and would rather just die under that broom tree.  And so he falls asleep.  Given up.  But that is not God’s plan and so he sends an angel to, “order” not ask or inspire or nudge, but “orders” Elijah to get up and then he sees the food that his body needed and so he takes the food and eats it, and … he goes back to sleep!  And so the angel must come again, and “ordered” him again to get up and eat and move along on the journey that is his to complete. And from that one day on his own in the dessert, once taken the food from heaven, he is able to journey 40 days and 40 nights!

There have been times in my life where I know what the journey is that God wants me to go on, I can feel it to the core of my being what God is asking me to do. I begin my journey into the dessert, and yea, within 1 day, I am sitting under my broom tree, asking God to just end it here, saying “enough all already!” Then  God gives me what I need to continue on the journey, maybe food doesn’t pop out of nowhere, but someone will say an encouraging word, all the sudden a problem is solved that was holding me back, so many things happen in a miraculous way.  I take the experience and find myself, instead of getting up and continuing the journey, I lie back down, and find some other reason not to go on.  Sometimes we are in such despair of our own journey, that we do wish that we would be let off the hook.  Then, God sends another message, and we find ourselves, IF we nourish ourselves in the food that He gives us, an ability to continue our journey and accomplish things that we never thought we could.  The nourishment from heaven strengthens us, we don’t know how it does but it does and that is grace.  God changes us.

Elijah felt that he was no better than his ancestors, that somehow where he came from destined him to be “less than” God had intended for him.  In the Gospel reading, the people around Jesus heard him refer to himself as the “bread that came down from heaven” and they are confused, because isn’t he the son of Joseph and Mary?  Isn’t he just a kid from our town?  What good can really come out of Nazareth?  Have you ever tried to change something about yourself, and find that those closest to you are the ones that are making it hardest for you to change?  I have always been on a diet it seems, and when I am motivated to change it is those closest to me that seem to tell me that I am fine the way I am, or offer me delicious foods, etc.  Think of all the preconceptions people have of those who are recovering alcoholics or drug abusers , or people who have spent time in prison, how hard it is for people to change their lives, not because of a lack of wanting to or knowing they have to but because of the lack of support in their own communities.  Even us “christians” have to ask ourselves am I allowing people to change in the spirit of God or am I contributing to holding them back from their own journeys, the road that God has put them on, and has all the confidence in the world that they will walk 40 days and 40 nights – given the proper nourishment.  

In that small second reading, Paul reminds us,  “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma.”

Live in love, forgive one another, support one another, this is the call we receive from our Father in heaven.  Each day we recite the Our Lord’s prayer, and we ask God for forgiveness as we forgive others. Many times we tell people that they need to “forgive themselves” but the reality is, that if we do not forgive those that God places in our lives, we will never be able to feel God’s forgiveness of our own trespasses.  If we never have the chance to really love another, we will never be able to feel God’s love for us.  So get out there, and live and love so that you can feel what it means for God to love and forgive you.

Jesus is the bread of life… and we receive that life through the Eucharist, like the food sent to Elijah, in a moment of great need to continue his journey, we come to the altar – in need, and we receive that which is Jesus, and we consume Him, that small piece of bread, enters into our body, and becomes a part of every one of our cells, so that we know longer know where we end and where God begins, we change, we are able to be imitators of God because we have Him in us.  What would happen if the world knew this? It is our journey to make it known by our words and our actions; it is known because we are not afraid to speak of God in us, we don’t care where we came from but know that God has something awesome in store for our lives and that is the life we want to grab on to. Love one another, forgive those who we never thought we could, and experience freedom, the real kind.   

The Meaning of the Lady Bug

Last night as I was journaling as I try to do at least a few nights a week, I was busy writing down all the complaints of my life, (after all yesterday I did take a Kia Soul and hit my other Kia Rondo in my driveway) and so after the day I had I felt a little justified! But had I been doing what I was suppose to be doing, and followed through on my promises to people, perhaps one of the cars wouldn't have been where it was when I was backing up. And so with this realization, of course I began to panic about all the other places in my life that are not neat and tidy and are in this place of limbo. I didn't write much in my journal until, out of nowhere a lady bug lands on my bed, about 2 feet from me. I always find it strange that lady bugs seem to come out of nowhere. Being that I am so into destractions these days, I looked up what the symbolism of the lady bug was, and found my "God message" for the day {I never fall asleep before trying to figure out the message of the day}... so here are some facts about the lady bug:

- in the middle ages the lady bug was dedicated to Our Lady the Virgin Mary, and was called the "beetle of Our Lady" hence the name Lady Bug
- Their life cycle requires about four weeks, so several generations are produced each summer.  This cycle ties the ladybug to the energies of renewal and regeneration. Because the life cycle of the adult ladybug is short it teaches us how to release worries and enjoy our lives to the fullest.  When it appears in our life it is telling us to "let go and let God."

These are just some of the things I found surfing the web; and by this point in my journaling, the Lady Bug, had settled on the top of my hand as I wrote. I thought, how small this beetle is, with really nothing to protect her (or him) and yet it walks all over me, perhaps feeling my energy through his (or her) tiny feet and yet lady bugs do not seem to be afraid to make themselves known as other bugs are. Yet there is something so joyful about the lady bug.  But this lady bug was reminding me that joy and fear can not exist together, that you have to decide to either be joyful and explore the world with no boundaries, or be fearful and hide. And so now, when I see a lady bug, I will take it as a sign from my heavenly Mother, to decide to live in joy instead of fear!

I wanted to make sure that the lady bug was safe, but before I knew it, it had disappeared. When I read back what I had written at the top of the journal entry the problems didn't seem to matter. 

Today's Gospel reading reminds us what comes in tiny packages, and that even though it begins tiny the mustard seed is meant to grow mighty and strong. Sometimes we all feel small, especially with all the things happening in the world. How can I make a change?  We feel too small to make a difference. But somehow God will use us to make the change that is so desperately needed if we just have faith, even the faith of a mustard seed.

Trying to be a good Catholic, but something ALWAYS comes up!

Do you remember the story recently about a teacher who was working for a religious school and suffered from narcolepsy, she left her position to seek medical treatment, and when she came back her position was no longer available. The Supreme Court, all 9 Justices unanimously ruled that religious law overrides civil law and that the teacher could not sue the institution for violation of the American Disabilities Act.  Now, it seems that everything has changed when speaking about reproduction and health care, it seems that religious law is not taken into consideration at all. I am confused as to how these rulings come about.

I try to be a good Catholic, and over and over again I miss the mark, and most of the time the struggle to be a good, socially conscious Catholic, is overwhelming and I begin to understand why so many have given up the fight. Don’t get me wrong I am not proposing that the Church “lighten up a bit” so that I can feel good about myself – because I do believe in the position of the Catholic Church on all counts. Once we begin to want to follow the Church it is more and more apparent of how the world is in real conflict with what God had intended for His creation. As a parent, it is very upsetting that we are, as in Luke writes, sending our children "like lambs among wolves".  It is disheartening, overwhelming, and apparent that we cannot be “good” Catholics on our own. I know for myself, I don’t know what to do.

Next weekend, the Bishop (Terry LaValley) has issued a letter to be placed in each bulletin throughout the Diocese explaining to the faithful the importance of us knowing about and understanding the latest ruling by the Dept of Health and Human Services that almost all employers, including Catholic employers, will be forced to offer their employees health coverage that includes sterilization, abortion-inducing drugs, and contraception.  Almost all health insurers will be forced to include those “services” in the health policies they write.  Almost all individuals will be forced to buy that coverage as a part of their policies.

As I said, I am very confused and kind of ashamed. I must admit that I have never really put that much thinking into what my insurance plan pays or doesn’t pay for and how that affects me. After all, my insurance plan pays for alcohol and drug rehab which I have never needed and hope never need! I had a sense that I was paying for things that I would never use, but that insurance was a “collective” way of paying health care costs, each of its members getting what they need. I never researched or asked if my insurance plan pays for infertility treatments or Viagra or abortions or the day after pill or transgender reassignment surgery or a host of other things that do not come into line with my beliefs as a Catholic. I just never thought about it. But now it is hard to ignore when we receive this information through our parishes. And again I find myself wondering if I have to make some hard choices.

I work for a non for profit agency, funded by federal, state and local monies. We receive a pretty good benefits package which includes a 50/50 share on health insurance. I know that if I went out and tried to purchase equal insurance on my own, it could send my family into financial ruin, or most probably we would join the millions of Americans who are uninsured. If we were to suffer a serious health issue, I would find myself in ruins. Am I not supposed to be responsible to my family and take care of the child that God has blessed me with the best way I can? And so I today, as I read the letter from the Bishop and I look on the internet for more information, I find myself once again, feeling like a horrible, weak Catholic – that I may choose to continue to accept the adequate insurance coverage I receive through my non-religious employment. I have no clue as I write this the answer . . .  but I have a feeling that I am not alone in my concern. Many Catholics find themselves conflicted with teachings ALL THE TIME!!

As I reflect on this and other topics, it always makes me think of the early church members, how they were trying to figure out how to follow Jesus in the midst of a world that seemed opposed (sound familiar?) Let us pray for all of us who are trying to live our faith, that we will have the courage to make the changes in our life necessary and the wisdom to trust God in this walk of our faith.

Maybe one way to start is to get involved is being a part of the NYS Catholic Conference Public Policy Day on March 13th, in Albany NY. You can get information from the website http://www.nyscatholic.org/?s=policy+day ; Please let me know if you are interested in participating; we will be having on line meetings as the date approaches.

Epiphany – God’s Way of Saying “Get Moving!”

I Googled “Epiphany” images and found this one and thought how wonderful it was. This small child certainly looks like he/she has had an “epiphany” and I thought how much this picture symbolizes what we should be like when we think about the miraculous event of Christmas; that God has loved us so much that He sent his only begotten son to live among us and to teach us what it means to be a son or daughter of God.  I don’t know about you, but I want to be like this when I encounter Jesus in my life. Like the shepherds and the wise men, have we seen our star; that light that calls us out of our comfort zone, that thing that gives us hope that our lives can be different – better?  We all have something inside of us that leaves us yearning for something more, searching for meaning of our existence and I think that God gives us the light in the darkness, but so often we ignore that it is God. God calls us, just like the shepherds and the wise men to get moving – to find the treasure that lies beneath the star that God shines brightly for each one of us. We all reach our Epiphany at different times, in different ways, God has a journey for each one of us and He offers the greatest gift, if we will take the journey, trust in Him and believe that God is truly with us.

Feast of the Immaculate Conception - Happy Mother's Day Mary!

Today is meaningful day for me, not just because it is a Holy Day of Obligation ,but as a Catholic Mother I a take time to reflect on my motherhood. The readings remind us today of the beginning of God’s relationship with us through the story of Eve in Genesis.  The story of Adam and Eve is one that tells us of our human condition and always reminds us that we are not as trusting of God as we were created to be. Not that we do not have the power to trust, because at times in life we amaze ourselves with the ability to trust God, but that we fall over and over again in believing that God has our best in mind. The serpent was able to convince Eve that God was not telling her the truth about the tree of knowledge and that somehow God was keeping something from her. And so trust was broken and life became hard outside the promises of God. It was especially hard because Adam and Eve would struggle to see themselves as God sees them, and we would begin the long hard struggle of gaining that vision back. We tend to see ourselves, thousands of years later, being naked, exposed and concentrating on that fact instead of all the things that God has given us, all of which are freely given.

As a young woman I too struggled with only seeing what I wasn’t instead of who I was, and this belief of not being enough led me to never really expecting the best for myself.  What I wanted in life, all the good things, a good husband and children, somehow seemed to be out of my grasp; instead of looking into myself for the answers I looked outward and became discouraged. As I think of Mary’s journey today, I see how she was the one who broke the chains of fear and Eve’s inability to trust God. Mary trusted God with all that she was, and agreed to be a part of something that would change the world forever, never asking to know the outcome before she agreed.  I was tired of waiting for “the one”, and he was not coming, I felt that I had to get that through my head. I know now that it was the same serpent of Eve, telling me that God didn’t really hear my prayers.  I didn’t want to believe it, I was a good person, why wouldn’t it come to me? To seal the deal, the person I loved more than anything, was taken from my life when he took his own life. I couldn’t understand how a loving God could do this! And so like Eve, I took it upon myself to find knowledge, left the church and went about getting my own dreams. I gave myself to the first person that came along and used love as the reason. But from the beginning I knew that this did not fit with who I was. The problem was that I did not know who I was anymore, because I had taken God out of the equation. I just wanted to feel loved.  I found myself pregnant, pretty quickly, and in today’s reading I am reminded of how I felt that day. We hear Mary saying, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man? Not that I didn’t have sexual relations but I had no “relationship” with a man, because in order to have a relationship I would have had to be present, and I wasn’t present to anything except physically. I wonder today, of how many women find themselves in the same situation, knowing that they are physical with a man, but really are not in relationship to them. There are so many of us women, seeking love, and we just can’t find the love that will satisfy our inner soul, because that place is reserved for God. At this point, I had some “choices”--  I could have had an abortion and my reputation would not have been stained, but my soul would have been stained forever; I could have stood in a church, proclaiming my vows, knowing that I would not be able to fulfill them; or I could have confessed my sin, taken the consequences and sin no more, asking for help to make this situation (which felt horrible) into something that glorified God. I choose the later. I chose to get busy in making a life with this small child and finally trusting in God that all would be well. Through this event, God (and me) brought me to a place that I was forced to trust in Him, because there was nothing else to trust. From that moment on I was at peace and luckily for me it was in the beginning of my pregnancy. This baby who was growing inside me was not a “mistake” it was hope that God and I were growing together.  I wish that for every woman that finds themselves in this place would believe that God has great things for you and for that child, no matter the circumstances.  Think of the fear that Mary must have felt because she could be stoned to death, and if she can say yes to life, what are we afraid of … tarnished reputations or financial struggles? Take on the fight! That small child inside of us wants to be born, wants to receive God’s promises.  This small little boy inside me, was the answer to my prayer, I wanted to be a Mom, maybe not in these circumstances, but I know that God used it to bring me ever closer to him and ultimately give me the answer to who I was.  In the Book of Revelation, we see Mary, triumph over the serpent, with 12 gold stars around her head, the Queen of Heaven and earth, she shows us how to trust in a way that Eve before her failed. She shows us how every day, trusting God wins over evil, even when you have to watch your child being placed on the cross!

When I gave birth to Noah, there were some medical complications that were pretty serious, so within just a few minutes we went from delivering to C-section to emergency surgery, and as they placed the mask on my face, I heard God ask, “will you die for him?” and my answer was “Yes” and never in my life was I in a position to give my life for someone else and God gave me this gift.  Now I can approach life in a whole new way, understanding love. The gift I was given that day is knowing, really knowing, what Jesus gave for me in taking up the cross. What Noah has taught me, is what Mary teaches all of us, to trust God with all our heart, with all of soul and with all of our minds. And when we can really trust, than we can understand the words, “all things are possible with God”.

Happy Mother’s Day to Mary and the Church, help us to believe in the coming of your Son.

Feast Day of St. Nicholas

Today we celebrate the Feast Day of St. Nicholas, the patron Saint of Russia and an Arch Bishop. There are many stories of St. Nicholas and if you ask most children, it is a Saint that they have heard of, almost taking the throne of Christmas, despite the fact that Christmas really is the birth of our Savior. I wonder what St. Nicholas would think about the adaptation of his role in Christmas. As I researched St. Nicholas I was struck by one particular story.

Throughout his life St. Nicholas retained the bright and guileless manners of his early years, and showed himself to be the special protector of the innocent and the wronged. Nicholas once heard that a person who had fallen into poverty intended to abandon his three daughters for a life of sin. Determined that this would not happen, he went out during the night, and taking with him a bag of gold, flung it into the window of the sleeping father and hurried off. He, on awakening, deemed the gift a godsend, and with it dowered his eldest child.  It seemed that St. Nicholas was pleased at how this went, and returned to help with the next daughter, but this time the father was watching and waiting and saw where the bag of gold came from. The father, in such gratitude, fell at the feet of St. Nicholas and asked him why he had concealed himself from the man and thanked him for delivering himself and his daughters from hell.

The stories of St. Nicholas, as varied as they are, show us that we must work for justice; but what is justice when the word is used more about revenge and “getting even”. Justice for all people is really about making sure that the person standing next to us, or across the globe receives exactly what God would want for them. Do we ever think of what God would want to the person we are dealing with? This time of year, in 2011, giving poses quite a problem. Yes, we are in the giving and receiving mode, or at least we think we are. We struggle and sometimes even get into debt or ignore responsibilities because we want to get someone some “thing”, but when we think of what God would want for the person that we are exchanging gifts with, does it equal out to a new iPod or iPhone, or some other material item? St. Nicholas was the one who would stand up for those who are innocent and wronged, haven’t we all been wronged by the incessant message this time of year that “things” will make us happy, or “things” will make our children happy? We all know that most of us need nothing, and we long for the time when the spirit of Christmas was different. Recently I was speaking with someone and they were handed a “wish list” from their parents!!  There is something wrong about that to me. While we are in need of no-thing, we are desperately in need of meaning, of love and understanding, none of which can be bought at your local Wal-mart!

This time of year, we should be thinking of how to get our lives in prospective. While we are in the dark, we can only see shadows and so we make up our own reality. Let us commit to awaiting the light that only Jesus can bring, and then we will see life as it truly is; with the bright light we will be able to see ourselves and others as God sees us.  Like St. Nicholas, let us take on the role of protector of the innocent and the wronged and allow Jesus to be seen this Christmas. Let us put down the credit card, and give of ourselves to one another this Christmas.

Thankful for the Beginning of Metanoia

Usually the writings of this blog are inspired by the readings for the upcoming week, but this week I plan to do something a little different. I am coming back from a few days off, celebrating the Thanksgiving week with my family, which has truly left me feeling humbled and blessed. Although we don’t have the numbers that other families are blessed with, as we sat around our small table (in our pajamas this year) we realized that we had so much to be Thankful for. Among those things, is the opportunity to be the Director of Young Adult Ministry and a family that is as dedicated as I am. A mother who jumps in and takes care of so much so that my dream can be realized to work for the church, while maintaining a job that also is very fulfilling is enough to be thankful for. And thankful for such a good son who understands why sometimes I have to be away, and already at the age of 12 understands that people need to stand up for what we believe in, even if that means he goes to bed without my kiss or hugs some nights. A am humbled to be a single mother and somehow can keep our life going, when I am well aware that in other countries the plight of single mothers is to beg on the street for any morsel of food, or to even sell your child in hopes that this little one will have a better life somewhere outside your arms. “Only by the grace of God go I” is my mantra.

I am grateful for the beautiful women I met on our first Metanoia retreat and the wonderful people, especially Fr. Al Hauser, who jumped in and made it happen as I was wrestling with the devil. Without him, or the Kilians, the retreat would not have been possible. I want to talk too, about the power of God, when two or three gathered there He is in our midst and it has never been so powerful for me as it was during the Metanoia retreat. So much so, that when it was over, I, like the first disciples, found myself wanting to hide in the upper room -- in awe and wondering of what the real meaning of the experience meant; not only to me but to the future of our church.  I want to make it clear, that it had nothing to do with me, it was purely God.  It wasn’t an experience of something that will change everything in itself, but it was a seed of something that could grow so powerful. In so many ways, in the experiencing of the retreat, it became something different than I even dreamed about when the planning of this event began. For me, the power of God’s presence and the insistent presence of the devil within me left me in a place in which I will forever be changed.  There were so many factors that could have stopped this retreat from happening that when I list them all I wonder how it actually got off the ground, but it did. I knew it before but I am even more convinced than ever, that God will always win over evil if we merely help the fight. It is by no coincidence, though I didn’t put it all together, that the first Metanoia retreat was held the weekend of Christ the King. But I also know how weak we are, even when we don’t want to be.  The most beautiful element of the retreat is that the participants were able to just “be” with God, one of the things that we often forget to do. We spoke of the demands of the world, how we get our appreciation and self worth from what we “do” and in God’s eyes, He loves us simply because we “are”. If only we could see ourselves as God sees us!! Thank you to Jamie, Samantha, Carmel, Jen and Kelley for saying "yes" to the unknown, and for sharing of yourselves to our first small group.

As we anticipate the birth of the Christ-child, we are reminded to envelope ourselves in “silent nights” – to simply just meditate on our lives, that are often lived in darkness and in a state of loneliness. If we can reach deep down into ourselves and be honest, how we could get to the end of Advent with such a yearning for Christ to enter our lives in a whole new way, with both hands wanting to hold that Christ baby in loving embrace – and oh how he would love to share his wondrous joy with us, no more darkness, no more loneliness and a promise to walk beside us, all the days of our lives.

This week as we prepare for the Solemnity of Christ the King, we are reminded that it is through our dealings with those who are hungry, who are thirsty and who are held captive that reflects how we deal with God Himself. For the last couple of weeks we have been reflecting on the light and the darkness, how Jesus has taken us out of the darkness and brought us into light, into a new life; and with that new life, it is up to us to go and do God’s work, to feed the hungry and give drink to the thirsty. I think though, we often take this literally, as in some ways we should; it is our responsibility to change the lives of the poor, and to feed those who literally do not have food. But as I once again hear this reading I am reminded of my early days in youth and campus ministry.  When I decided to commit myself to church ministry as my career, I envisioned myself working with the poor. I was in fact, hoping to go to a country like El Salvador to work with the poor and to even risk my life for the message of Christ. However, God seemed to have different plans for me, and I became a Youth Minister in Kentucky and then a Campus Minister in Mississippi and in my entire ministry found myself ministering to children and families that were not poor at all. It was a big shock for me, as I began my ministry career because the parishioners seemed to have lives bigger than I had ever experienced. The youth in my ministry lived in very large houses, in beautiful sub-divisions and had all of the latest gadgets at the time. You were invited to big parties and parishes were new and beautiful. They seemed like the last people who needed food and drink. But as I reflect back on the experience, I was reminded over and over again of just how hungry, thirsty and lost so many of them were. As part of my Campus Ministry at Ole Miss we brought college age students to the missions in Saltillo, Mexico. The people there needed the basics of life, and yet they had so much that we did not have. The experience would make everyone of us who participated in this trip question who exactly is hungry and thirsty.  Sometimes it is much more glamorous for us to sell everything and move to Africa than to see the needs in our own backyard and begin ministering there. We cannot let ourselves be fooled by not hearing the inner cries of those who seem to have everything on the outside and are starving and dying of thirst inside.  

 With the decline of participation in our parishes, especially by Young Adults, we are a missionary church. The need for our church today, I believe, is the conversion of hearts, one heart at a time; being transformed by a personal connection with Jesus. In a world in which our basics are not in question, we are less likely to turn to God, because , let’s face it, it is in hardships and struggles that we move ourselves closer to God, crying for his assistance, His mercy and / or His forgiveness.  We are a people in great spiritual need, and we are so thirsty and so hungry for the living God within our lives that we do not know how to satisfy that need. We grasp at everything we think may satisfy us, but we never are.

We must ask ourselves, am I spiritually feeding others around me; do I move others in the direction of the living waters?  Do I wrap people in the warmth of God when I interact with them? Do I show them the consolation that God offers each one of us?  This is a much more difficult task than handing someone a bottle of water.  So this week, work to stop poverty, but do not overlook the poverty that may be within the person’s life next to you.  Watch how you interact with others so that you will leave God with them when you walk away. 

Our Time is Limited

With all this talk about Saints and Souls, and then the readings of today, we are reminded that we have to be awake as we live this life. How we live our lives, and to what we deem as important is the very thing that God will judge us on. As we celebrated All Saints day we are reminded that Saints were people who somehow figured out how to be themselves, the person that God intended them to be despite their frailties and sins, and lived a good life, so much so that God intermingled with their lives so much that others around them were affected - healed by miracles. They certainly were not perfect, and a recurring theme throughout the lives of the saints is that they too believed that they were not worthy. How many times do we tell ourselves that we are not Saints, that we don't have what it takes to be one, and so we go back to sleep accepting what the world will give us and turn away from what God offers us. All we have to do is look around and we can see how we are not accepting blessings from God, the condition of the world, our towns, our neighborhoods and our families are a reflection of what we deem as important, and God does not want for us what we are living. He has something so much better in mind.

But then the question comes, what can I do about it? The task at hand seems so overwhelming, we sometimes feel that all we can do is try to be a good person and hope that this is enough. But God tells us over and over again that it is NOT enough. That if we want to be one of the chosen ones, if we really do want to live all of eternity in His presence, than we have to quiet the voices that want to convince us that we can't make a change, take a deep breath and get to work on building the Kingdom of God today. The Kingdom is available if we just get busy bringing it about. But the Devil is a cunning one, and he is hard at work making us feel that we are not good enough. The more we try to do good, the harder the Deciever works to make us feel like we are nothing. But we must listen to God who tells us that we are everything!

Today on All Souls Day, we are reminded not only that there is no separation from us and those that have gone before us, but also that our time is limited, and we must ask ourselves of what we want to be remembered for? What mark will we leave on this world? Don't let the Deceiver get the best part of you! The Devil's job is to drown out the voice of God in our lives, and he is doing his job very well. Pray to hear God's voice, and that voice, we are reminded by Saints and Souls, is saying how GOOD you are and that YOU can make a difference. Fill your lamps with God's oil, by doing what is right, by speaking when you need to, by commanding that the Devil's voice be quieted in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord who paid the price for our freedom; freedom from the oppression of evil. But we have to do our part, because as Paul asks the early followers in today's 2nd reading, "Are you unaware that we who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?" We are intermingled with suffering and resurrection, we are called to be uncomfortable in the truth, and it is only by our death that we too may share in the resurrection. Can you imagine a morning of such bright light? The day that we embrace this fact and live a fearless life.

It’s All About Love

When Jesus replied that this Commandment was the greatest, he did sure challenge those around him and everyone else to come after. What does it mean to Love God with ALL our heart? Have you ever really thought  about it? If we love God above all else, there really is no need for the rest of the Commandments, because if I love God I will always be honest, I will always treat my neighbor with the upmost respect, I will respect my parents and all elderly, even if they haven’t always respected me, I will not live in a world that is an eye for an eye. I will do what is right, not because of some rule, but because I am totally in love with Abba – the God in which I have this unbelievable close relationship with.

When we love someone, really love them, their interest is always first and foremost on our mind. And so it is with our relationship with God. To live in justice means that I will offer to others what I know God would want for them, therefore putting God’s and his people’s interests first. With experience of living this way I will know that I live in real joy and happiness, and that doesn’t mean that life will be easy and abundant of the things of the world (remember last week’s reading?)

But Jesus doesn’t just say that this is a nice thing to do, it is the #1 Commandment, and so there is more of an emphasis that choosing to put God’s best interest first is all wrapped up in our salvation. I wonder what that means for the world in the year 2011. So many times people believe that as long as you are a “nice” person you will get to Heaven.  If I walked into a closet today, and stayed there until my death, I could say that I lived a life without hurting anyone, without saying anything that offended anyone, I was not involved in political arguments, and I did not lie, cheat, murder, covet, nor take the Lord’s name in vain – will I then go to Heaven? Or will I be asked why I didn’t feel responsible to make the world better, to bring God’s word to the hopeless or comfort the sick? While God is a loving God, I believe that he is a just God – and that while I was not a problem on earth, I did nothing to help in the creation of the Kingdom of God here on earth, now. Would I go to heaven? Or perhaps, I spent my life, continually putting myself out there, wanting to serve God, but sometimes failed and had to pick myself back up. Maybe sometimes within my zeal to speak God’s word I offended someone, or didn’t say something just right, but could make up for it with an apology – would I go to Heaven?

Do we really believe in the prospect of living with God for all eternity? Many times in this age, people don’t live with the hope of salvation primarily in their mind.  I think many people, myself included, go throughout our day, not really aware of how our actions will get us to -- or keep us from Heaven.  I believe there is life after this one with God, in which we will be reunited with those we love, and not only will we be reunited but we will see them for who they truly are and we will be seen by others for all that we truly all – we will shine with the brightness that God intended for us.

This week, let’s pay attention of our love for God, let it surround us and let us pray that we may experience God in every thought, word and deed. Let us truly - Go, and serve the Lord.