Today is meaningful day for me, not just because it is a Holy Day of Obligation ,but as a Catholic Mother I a take time to reflect on my motherhood. The readings remind us today of the beginning of God’s relationship with us through the story of Eve in Genesis. The story of Adam and Eve is one that tells us of our human condition and always reminds us that we are not as trusting of God as we were created to be. Not that we do not have the power to trust, because at times in life we amaze ourselves with the ability to trust God, but that we fall over and over again in believing that God has our best in mind. The serpent was able to convince Eve that God was not telling her the truth about the tree of knowledge and that somehow God was keeping something from her. And so trust was broken and life became hard outside the promises of God. It was especially hard because Adam and Eve would struggle to see themselves as God sees them, and we would begin the long hard struggle of gaining that vision back. We tend to see ourselves, thousands of years later, being naked, exposed and concentrating on that fact instead of all the things that God has given us, all of which are freely given.
As a young woman I too struggled with only seeing what I wasn’t instead of who I was, and this belief of not being enough led me to never really expecting the best for myself. What I wanted in life, all the good things, a good husband and children, somehow seemed to be out of my grasp; instead of looking into myself for the answers I looked outward and became discouraged. As I think of Mary’s journey today, I see how she was the one who broke the chains of fear and Eve’s inability to trust God. Mary trusted God with all that she was, and agreed to be a part of something that would change the world forever, never asking to know the outcome before she agreed. I was tired of waiting for “the one”, and he was not coming, I felt that I had to get that through my head. I know now that it was the same serpent of Eve, telling me that God didn’t really hear my prayers. I didn’t want to believe it, I was a good person, why wouldn’t it come to me? To seal the deal, the person I loved more than anything, was taken from my life when he took his own life. I couldn’t understand how a loving God could do this! And so like Eve, I took it upon myself to find knowledge, left the church and went about getting my own dreams. I gave myself to the first person that came along and used love as the reason. But from the beginning I knew that this did not fit with who I was. The problem was that I did not know who I was anymore, because I had taken God out of the equation. I just wanted to feel loved. I found myself pregnant, pretty quickly, and in today’s reading I am reminded of how I felt that day. We hear Mary saying, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man? Not that I didn’t have sexual relations but I had no “relationship” with a man, because in order to have a relationship I would have had to be present, and I wasn’t present to anything except physically. I wonder today, of how many women find themselves in the same situation, knowing that they are physical with a man, but really are not in relationship to them. There are so many of us women, seeking love, and we just can’t find the love that will satisfy our inner soul, because that place is reserved for God. At this point, I had some “choices”-- I could have had an abortion and my reputation would not have been stained, but my soul would have been stained forever; I could have stood in a church, proclaiming my vows, knowing that I would not be able to fulfill them; or I could have confessed my sin, taken the consequences and sin no more, asking for help to make this situation (which felt horrible) into something that glorified God. I choose the later. I chose to get busy in making a life with this small child and finally trusting in God that all would be well. Through this event, God (and me) brought me to a place that I was forced to trust in Him, because there was nothing else to trust. From that moment on I was at peace and luckily for me it was in the beginning of my pregnancy. This baby who was growing inside me was not a “mistake” it was hope that God and I were growing together. I wish that for every woman that finds themselves in this place would believe that God has great things for you and for that child, no matter the circumstances. Think of the fear that Mary must have felt because she could be stoned to death, and if she can say yes to life, what are we afraid of … tarnished reputations or financial struggles? Take on the fight! That small child inside of us wants to be born, wants to receive God’s promises. This small little boy inside me, was the answer to my prayer, I wanted to be a Mom, maybe not in these circumstances, but I know that God used it to bring me ever closer to him and ultimately give me the answer to who I was. In the Book of Revelation, we see Mary, triumph over the serpent, with 12 gold stars around her head, the Queen of Heaven and earth, she shows us how to trust in a way that Eve before her failed. She shows us how every day, trusting God wins over evil, even when you have to watch your child being placed on the cross!
When I gave birth to Noah, there were some medical complications that were pretty serious, so within just a few minutes we went from delivering to C-section to emergency surgery, and as they placed the mask on my face, I heard God ask, “will you die for him?” and my answer was “Yes” and never in my life was I in a position to give my life for someone else and God gave me this gift. Now I can approach life in a whole new way, understanding love. The gift I was given that day is knowing, really knowing, what Jesus gave for me in taking up the cross. What Noah has taught me, is what Mary teaches all of us, to trust God with all our heart, with all of soul and with all of our minds. And when we can really trust, than we can understand the words, “all things are possible with God”.
Happy Mother’s Day to Mary and the Church, help us to believe in the coming of your Son.
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