The Meaning of the Lady Bug

Last night as I was journaling as I try to do at least a few nights a week, I was busy writing down all the complaints of my life, (after all yesterday I did take a Kia Soul and hit my other Kia Rondo in my driveway) and so after the day I had I felt a little justified! But had I been doing what I was suppose to be doing, and followed through on my promises to people, perhaps one of the cars wouldn't have been where it was when I was backing up. And so with this realization, of course I began to panic about all the other places in my life that are not neat and tidy and are in this place of limbo. I didn't write much in my journal until, out of nowhere a lady bug lands on my bed, about 2 feet from me. I always find it strange that lady bugs seem to come out of nowhere. Being that I am so into destractions these days, I looked up what the symbolism of the lady bug was, and found my "God message" for the day {I never fall asleep before trying to figure out the message of the day}... so here are some facts about the lady bug:

- in the middle ages the lady bug was dedicated to Our Lady the Virgin Mary, and was called the "beetle of Our Lady" hence the name Lady Bug
- Their life cycle requires about four weeks, so several generations are produced each summer.  This cycle ties the ladybug to the energies of renewal and regeneration. Because the life cycle of the adult ladybug is short it teaches us how to release worries and enjoy our lives to the fullest.  When it appears in our life it is telling us to "let go and let God."

These are just some of the things I found surfing the web; and by this point in my journaling, the Lady Bug, had settled on the top of my hand as I wrote. I thought, how small this beetle is, with really nothing to protect her (or him) and yet it walks all over me, perhaps feeling my energy through his (or her) tiny feet and yet lady bugs do not seem to be afraid to make themselves known as other bugs are. Yet there is something so joyful about the lady bug.  But this lady bug was reminding me that joy and fear can not exist together, that you have to decide to either be joyful and explore the world with no boundaries, or be fearful and hide. And so now, when I see a lady bug, I will take it as a sign from my heavenly Mother, to decide to live in joy instead of fear!

I wanted to make sure that the lady bug was safe, but before I knew it, it had disappeared. When I read back what I had written at the top of the journal entry the problems didn't seem to matter. 

Today's Gospel reading reminds us what comes in tiny packages, and that even though it begins tiny the mustard seed is meant to grow mighty and strong. Sometimes we all feel small, especially with all the things happening in the world. How can I make a change?  We feel too small to make a difference. But somehow God will use us to make the change that is so desperately needed if we just have faith, even the faith of a mustard seed.

Childlike Belief

I have to apologize for taking a break from the “Blog” During Lent I thought that I needed a little time to think of the “point” of the blog.  I read that there are over 500 Catholic blogs on the internet, some are good and some not so good, but you would think with that many people reflecting and writing that most people could find a place to find inspiration, information, and dialogue.  I have to admit that I really began to just feel like everything was just, “blah, blah, blah”. Too many words and not enough “action”.  I say this not toward others but more inwardly to myself. My initial intent was to take a few weeks off, regroup and then get back to writing or hopefully inviting others to write -- as I know, with all that I am, this isn’t suppose to be about me. But I never realized the twists and turns of life that would happen from that point.

I want to have this notion that God is in every moment of my life, walking with me at all times. And I can’t help but believe that if God is with me He would take an active part of my life. In the past weeks I have reflected on the idea of “belief”, what does believing in God mean?  I once heard a preacher talking about belief and what he said always stuck in my head.  He asked the congregation, if, when they walked into the church they believed that the chair in which they would sit in would actually hold them. Did they have to over analyze the chair that they were about to sit in. Would you spend time thinking of who made the chair, what if someone tampered with the chair just to spite you, perhaps the person setting up the chair didn’t really care if they were broken or not, maybe even though the chair looks in good working order there is something intrinsically wrong with it that will make you fall.  What if you walked into the church and you decided not to sit down, you just couldn’t believe that the chair was something you could trust in and while you more than likely wouldn’t lose your life if you fell out of the chair, there is no way you were going to endure the embarrassment and possible laughs that would come from you falling off the chair!  So while everyone sits, here you stand – not trusting. For me, this story really highlights the problem with my “belief”, while I say that I “believe” do I trust God enough to go out and do the “action” that would correlate with the actions of someone who truly believes in God. Am I ok with the ridicule or comments that might be made if I truly act and speak from what I believe in my heart and mind? I don’t always live in the connected way that I should between my beliefs and my actions. I tend not to trust things that I can’t control and unfortunately this often means that I don’t trust the people that God puts in my path, and what the problem with that is, until I can trust the people that I can see and tangibly relate with each day, the less I will be able to have a true belief in God. And that means that sometimes, I will give opportunities for people to say things about me like I am silly, naïve, etc. and I really hate feeling like others are making fun of me.  But as a Baptized Catholic this is exactly what I am called to do, to not care if I am ridiculed but as Mary reminds us, “Do what he tells you!”  And often, doing what God tells you to do, is doing it in an attitude that is “childlike” and not “childish”. When we do God’s will in a childish way, we find ourselves saying things like, “It’s not fair!” or “I didn’t do it, it’s not my fault” or even perhaps even worse, “Its too hard, I can’t do it!” But when we take up our crosses and do the will of God, we find ourselves being childlike, saying things like, “I will do it, will you help me?” or “I want to do it simply because I love you.” and we do the task in an enthusiastic way because we haven’t thought about why we shouldn’t do it and what it will cost.

Today in our readings (MT 11:25), Jesus exclaimed: "I give praise to you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike.”  I am going to pray and work on being more childlike, more trusting and more loving, without question and without fear, so that whatever it is that God is trying to reveal to me, it will be and not hidden because of all my intelligence.

[Oh, and so while I "took a short break" I talked myself everyday into another reason not to get back to it, and more on the "twists and turns" to come in future blogs.]

Trying to be a good Catholic, but something ALWAYS comes up!

Do you remember the story recently about a teacher who was working for a religious school and suffered from narcolepsy, she left her position to seek medical treatment, and when she came back her position was no longer available. The Supreme Court, all 9 Justices unanimously ruled that religious law overrides civil law and that the teacher could not sue the institution for violation of the American Disabilities Act.  Now, it seems that everything has changed when speaking about reproduction and health care, it seems that religious law is not taken into consideration at all. I am confused as to how these rulings come about.

I try to be a good Catholic, and over and over again I miss the mark, and most of the time the struggle to be a good, socially conscious Catholic, is overwhelming and I begin to understand why so many have given up the fight. Don’t get me wrong I am not proposing that the Church “lighten up a bit” so that I can feel good about myself – because I do believe in the position of the Catholic Church on all counts. Once we begin to want to follow the Church it is more and more apparent of how the world is in real conflict with what God had intended for His creation. As a parent, it is very upsetting that we are, as in Luke writes, sending our children "like lambs among wolves".  It is disheartening, overwhelming, and apparent that we cannot be “good” Catholics on our own. I know for myself, I don’t know what to do.

Next weekend, the Bishop (Terry LaValley) has issued a letter to be placed in each bulletin throughout the Diocese explaining to the faithful the importance of us knowing about and understanding the latest ruling by the Dept of Health and Human Services that almost all employers, including Catholic employers, will be forced to offer their employees health coverage that includes sterilization, abortion-inducing drugs, and contraception.  Almost all health insurers will be forced to include those “services” in the health policies they write.  Almost all individuals will be forced to buy that coverage as a part of their policies.

As I said, I am very confused and kind of ashamed. I must admit that I have never really put that much thinking into what my insurance plan pays or doesn’t pay for and how that affects me. After all, my insurance plan pays for alcohol and drug rehab which I have never needed and hope never need! I had a sense that I was paying for things that I would never use, but that insurance was a “collective” way of paying health care costs, each of its members getting what they need. I never researched or asked if my insurance plan pays for infertility treatments or Viagra or abortions or the day after pill or transgender reassignment surgery or a host of other things that do not come into line with my beliefs as a Catholic. I just never thought about it. But now it is hard to ignore when we receive this information through our parishes. And again I find myself wondering if I have to make some hard choices.

I work for a non for profit agency, funded by federal, state and local monies. We receive a pretty good benefits package which includes a 50/50 share on health insurance. I know that if I went out and tried to purchase equal insurance on my own, it could send my family into financial ruin, or most probably we would join the millions of Americans who are uninsured. If we were to suffer a serious health issue, I would find myself in ruins. Am I not supposed to be responsible to my family and take care of the child that God has blessed me with the best way I can? And so I today, as I read the letter from the Bishop and I look on the internet for more information, I find myself once again, feeling like a horrible, weak Catholic – that I may choose to continue to accept the adequate insurance coverage I receive through my non-religious employment. I have no clue as I write this the answer . . .  but I have a feeling that I am not alone in my concern. Many Catholics find themselves conflicted with teachings ALL THE TIME!!

As I reflect on this and other topics, it always makes me think of the early church members, how they were trying to figure out how to follow Jesus in the midst of a world that seemed opposed (sound familiar?) Let us pray for all of us who are trying to live our faith, that we will have the courage to make the changes in our life necessary and the wisdom to trust God in this walk of our faith.

Maybe one way to start is to get involved is being a part of the NYS Catholic Conference Public Policy Day on March 13th, in Albany NY. You can get information from the website http://www.nyscatholic.org/?s=policy+day ; Please let me know if you are interested in participating; we will be having on line meetings as the date approaches.

Teach Me Your Ways O Lord . . .

We all have lessons to learn … everyday.  If life is lived well, then everyday has been a lesson; hopefully a lesson in holiness.  Time is going by so fast that it is hard to believe that the holidays have passed so quickly, and we find ourselves back in “ordinary time”.  But as we live our lives it doesn’t seem like “ordinary times” at all. This weekend our attentions turn to Washington DC and the March for Life.  So many of our brothers and sisters from the Diocese have made the trek to stand up for Life, have a voice and be counted.  In the Gospel we continue to see Jesus choosing his disciples, asking them to leave the familiar and follow him.  As usual, our weekly readings relate to the events of life.  This will be my first March for Life and I am looking forward to learning from those I will meet these two days of travel. 

But I truly believe that honesty is the best policy, and as I have been struggling to write this blog this week, trying harder to make myself look good, rather than write what I struggle with – I have chose to be honest. I have such admiration for those who have taken time out of their lives to attend this march -- to leave families, the comfort of their own homes, put themselves out to chaperone buses filled with teens - who will have an opportunity to experience the freedom of speech and to gather in one voice in triumph for those who cannot speak for themselves -is inspirational, and here I sit, a little less than excited about sleeping the next two nights on a bus, diving into a crowd in possibly bad weather to speak up for something I don’t even know will ever change. I am ashamed to say it, but I am not leaving tomorrow with positive excitement.  As a Catholic, I have always wondered if I should vote simply on the person who promises to reverse Roe vs Wade in their campaign speech. Conservative Republicans have come and gone promising to uphold the core values that we believe in and still there is no change. Roe vs Wade has not been reversed, family values have not been upheld and it seems that Hollywood has much more influence in how our government makes decisions than a group of hundreds and thousands of Christians who believe in the sanctity of life right outside the government leaders doors.  The March for Life, reminds me of the fact that our families are dying, that kids are more apt to take advice from MTV than a loving parent, that men still do not see themselves as the leaders of their families, that girls grow up not knowing their own worth and therefore settle for the love of those who will not cherish them but simply use their bodies. It reminds me that we live in a culture that sex is as casual as a handshake and that we lie not only with our words but with our bodies. That we have such a difficult time admitting that our hearts are broken, and we are left yearning for something more and yet we know it can only be satisfied by God. It seems that politicians say what they need to say in order to get elected but never see themselves as servants to all of us who just want to have a good, decent life. It overwhelms me to know that the Abortion issue is a result of all of our sins, and it is our responsibility to live in a way that would never make a woman or a girl, a man or a boy even think about killing their own child.  We live in a culture where Grandma is denied cataract surgery and grandpa is offered Viagra – children live in poverty in single parent homes and wall street bankers get bailed out!

I think that many people are not so different than me, overwhelmed with all the rhetoric. What is the right answer? Why do we not march for the life and sanctity of families, because I really think that it is the cause of such evils as abortion. We have forgotten the importance of the mother and father and their roles in the home and in society. We have been told that we do not need to feel that we are getting older, stay young -- when we can’t, and that it is a sin not to take up our role as mature adults, especially in the lives of our children, all the world’s children.  There is nothing that I have been more sure of than God’s presence at the birth of my son, the gift of life.  His conception was all wrong, but God made a beautiful perfection from an unholy mess. I, like many of the women who are the center of this debate, found myself alone, penniless and afraid, but I had something that many, if not all, the women who have abortions don’t have, and that is that many years ago, someone took my hand and placed it into the hand of Jesus and taught me how to trust in Him and in nothing else. When I found myself alone, because of my doubt and sin, I knew right away that Jesus was by my side and that we would get through it together – if everyday I asked myself if I had done all that I could, and if I was honest about it. Like the disciples that Jesus choose to be his followers, we have to help people put their hand in Jesus’ hand, we have to evangelize to others – we have to give our time so that the children in our church and community will feel loved and protected, and will never feel less than the beautiful perfection God made them, and then they will never find themselves in front of an abortion clinic – not because it is against the law, but because they know they are a child of God.

Know your faith – and then use your time to pass it along, be a part of teaching the faith.