Letting Go of the Net

I have been quiet, especially in this blog this year. It is hard to believe, when I think back on the enthusiasm that once ran through my whole being about the opportunity to share this gift of faith.  The problem is, I don’t think that I ever realized what a “gift” it was, and in so many ways, we do so little for this great gift and that it is all about God’s grace.

In the last few years I can honestly say that I have had the pleasure of having a “relationship” with God. A relationship that goes back and forth, I hear God speaking to me, and I truly listen. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense to me, but I forge on ahead, in a way, blindly believing what I hear. There have been way too many incidences in which God has made himself known to me, I really can’t think that I am crazy, though I have often used it at the beginning of my conversations, when I suffer from fear of being judged.  There is not a day that I don’t feel close to God, that He is with me, though like any good parent, he tries to teach the listen, give the advice and in the end it is ultimately up to me if love will come to life with action.

In the past year, I have heard God speak to me very much about my future, it didn’t really have a “game plan” now that I look back, just a promise of salvation and an opportunity to be with Him and others as we rebuild His church.  I heard Him tell me to “follow Him”, I really wanted to, for maybe the first time in my life, I could truly say that I LOVED God, in a relationship, not just because it felt that this is what we say, especially if we are working in the Church.  But then He brought me one step closer …. He told me that I would have to “drop my net”. 

For a long time I was so dissatisfied with my life and in the work I was doing.  But mostly, I was ashamed at the deceitful way I was living, often telling people what they wanted to hear so that I could keep my life comfortable. It began to be clear to me that, not only was it not fair to me and keeping me in sin, it wasn’t fair to those around me. Though I was in many, many instances telling people the truth of how I felt or understood things, it was my actions that spoke louder than my words and they didn’t add up.  I felt literally torn in half, and the more I was falling in love with Jesus, the more torn I was. 

Last summer, my father passed away.  I had always dreaded even the thought of losing a parent, I had never experienced it before, and how was I going to act.  I was my father’s health care proxy, and so during the process I felt very responsible for decisions I would have to make on my father’s behalf.  By some grace, during those last final days, I found strength and peace that I thought were impossible for me, and maybe even more impossible for our relationship.  I have to say, other than the birth of my son, I felt God’s presence, as sure as if He were sitting in the chair next to me.  My father, had a day before he passed, in which he was very coherent, and he was able to take the time and speak to each one of us, and in his amazingly humble way (sadly caused my his inability to recognize his own worth in this life) relieved my pain of thinking that he thought I didn’t love him because of the decisions I had made in the last few years. It wasn’t what I would have asked for, but it sure was what I needed to hear. I knew that my father loved me, but I also know that love can only be given within a person’s capacity.  During the last days of his life, he showed us that God was there, especially when he received the Eucharist for the last time on this earth, my father’s eyes were straight ahead, and radiated love so pure – I had only seen this one time before, and that was in my son’s eyes the evening I believe he said goodbye to the angels that delivered him to my care.  God was sitting in the room with us, and they, meaning the Holy Trinity and Mary were there to finally bring my father home … his earthly life had been hard, especially hard was his relationships with his own parents, and I knew that Mary, the mother of us all, was there to really show him true love.  It was so life changing to be in that room those few days. I knew that I couldn’t go back to the life I was living … that it was not just time to “follow Jesus” but to drop my net.

It wasn’t long after, that all the pieces fell into place, and it was time to leave a job, that in so many ways, I loved.  But perhaps more importantly, placed my identity in.  I had white knuckled it so long on the ledge, that I was tired, and in a split second, released all my fingers and fell back, hoping to be caught by God or to at least provide some cushion for the landing. I let it all go.

In my prayer life, I feel close to the first disciples, probably saying much of the same words that they did …. “Where are we going Jesus?”  “Why would you want to go there Jesus?” “Are you sure that these are the people you want us to help Jesus?”  “When are you going to use your mighty God power and make life right for us Jesus?” “I am not worthy Jesus.”  “Oh I will never abandon you Jesus!” “Of course I love you Jesus” Even when I hear myself say these phrases I think I am the first to utter them, but it doesn’t take long to realize that I am not. That so many have gone before me asking the same questions.

I think when I started this blog, I was really unaware of all the things that I didn’t, and still don’t have answers to.  What is this gift of faith, why do some people just seem to have it and others struggle so much with it?  What can I do to help those who struggle with their faith come to know and love God more? After all I am the “Director of Young Adult Ministry for the Diocese of Ogdensburg” shouldn’t I be able to bring others to Jesus, to the church or at least to World Youth Day?!  

Faith is a journey, a relationship that begins with someone who treats you a little bit like Jesus would.  And like all relationships in involves trust, interaction, asking for forgiveness when necessary, and action and sometimes -- sacrifice.  When we love someone on this earth it is amazing when we think of what we will do to show them that we love them. It is the same with our relationship with God. When I was young, I was fortunate to meet so many people who, when I look back, where Jesus to me and helped me to understand his love for me and for others. Who taught me what was required to be a follower of Jesus and who were “in it” with me so that I would eventually see that I could be Jesus for someone else.  It is time for me to take on the role more fully, and I am much more aware, that I am called to live as a believer in a way that would make others also want to know Jesus.  Like always, it means to put the fear aside and get at it!

Our culture thrives from people being afraid to talk about God and what He has done for them in their lives, that there is really no other way to live but to love God and to love others, especially those who are oppressed.  The Church is in such a state of change, not in the changes some people have been waiting for, women clergy, gay marriage, etc. etc. but fundamental change – the change within our own hearts, that opens are vision to ourselves in relationship WITH God, no longer on our own,an opportunity to love God with open hands, knowing that He is with us!

 

Dicussion on Faithful Citizenship - Oct. 21st and 22nd!

In the coming weeks, I really want to get out as much information as possible to people before we go into the voting booth. It is so important, now more than ever, for every Catholic to be informed and counted this election year. I also think that it is a very confusing time to vote as well! If you are like me, you feel that both parties seem to be lacking real truth, and therefore our vote may cause us some real anxiety.  I sometimes have a hard time voting for a candidate because of one topic, and if I vote one way on an issue, another group of people in the US will suffer. It is a difficult road to navigate, and sometimes a real hard topic to talk with people about as everyone is passionate about one issue or another. In an effort to give people a place to learn about the issues, ask questions and find a political conviction that coincides with our Catholic beliefs, the Office of Young Adult Ministry will be sponsoring a Discussion on Faithful Citizenship, a two evening webinar with Kathleen Gallagher and Dennis Poust of the New York State Catholic Conference. Parishioners across the Diocese of Ogdensburg will have a chance to engage in discussions about our call to Faithful Citizenship. Participants will be able to log in on their own computer at home, however, we are encouraging people to gather in groups, begin the discussion over a pot luck dinner, or dessert and coffee and log in together, either at your home, a friends home, or a parish center. As long as you have internet connection you will be able to attend.

To participate, please send an email requesting log in information to lturgeon@dioogdensburg.org or phone 315-323-4989 for more information.

For more information on Faithful Citizenship visit http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/faithful-citizenship/

Trying to be a good Catholic, but something ALWAYS comes up!

Do you remember the story recently about a teacher who was working for a religious school and suffered from narcolepsy, she left her position to seek medical treatment, and when she came back her position was no longer available. The Supreme Court, all 9 Justices unanimously ruled that religious law overrides civil law and that the teacher could not sue the institution for violation of the American Disabilities Act.  Now, it seems that everything has changed when speaking about reproduction and health care, it seems that religious law is not taken into consideration at all. I am confused as to how these rulings come about.

I try to be a good Catholic, and over and over again I miss the mark, and most of the time the struggle to be a good, socially conscious Catholic, is overwhelming and I begin to understand why so many have given up the fight. Don’t get me wrong I am not proposing that the Church “lighten up a bit” so that I can feel good about myself – because I do believe in the position of the Catholic Church on all counts. Once we begin to want to follow the Church it is more and more apparent of how the world is in real conflict with what God had intended for His creation. As a parent, it is very upsetting that we are, as in Luke writes, sending our children "like lambs among wolves".  It is disheartening, overwhelming, and apparent that we cannot be “good” Catholics on our own. I know for myself, I don’t know what to do.

Next weekend, the Bishop (Terry LaValley) has issued a letter to be placed in each bulletin throughout the Diocese explaining to the faithful the importance of us knowing about and understanding the latest ruling by the Dept of Health and Human Services that almost all employers, including Catholic employers, will be forced to offer their employees health coverage that includes sterilization, abortion-inducing drugs, and contraception.  Almost all health insurers will be forced to include those “services” in the health policies they write.  Almost all individuals will be forced to buy that coverage as a part of their policies.

As I said, I am very confused and kind of ashamed. I must admit that I have never really put that much thinking into what my insurance plan pays or doesn’t pay for and how that affects me. After all, my insurance plan pays for alcohol and drug rehab which I have never needed and hope never need! I had a sense that I was paying for things that I would never use, but that insurance was a “collective” way of paying health care costs, each of its members getting what they need. I never researched or asked if my insurance plan pays for infertility treatments or Viagra or abortions or the day after pill or transgender reassignment surgery or a host of other things that do not come into line with my beliefs as a Catholic. I just never thought about it. But now it is hard to ignore when we receive this information through our parishes. And again I find myself wondering if I have to make some hard choices.

I work for a non for profit agency, funded by federal, state and local monies. We receive a pretty good benefits package which includes a 50/50 share on health insurance. I know that if I went out and tried to purchase equal insurance on my own, it could send my family into financial ruin, or most probably we would join the millions of Americans who are uninsured. If we were to suffer a serious health issue, I would find myself in ruins. Am I not supposed to be responsible to my family and take care of the child that God has blessed me with the best way I can? And so I today, as I read the letter from the Bishop and I look on the internet for more information, I find myself once again, feeling like a horrible, weak Catholic – that I may choose to continue to accept the adequate insurance coverage I receive through my non-religious employment. I have no clue as I write this the answer . . .  but I have a feeling that I am not alone in my concern. Many Catholics find themselves conflicted with teachings ALL THE TIME!!

As I reflect on this and other topics, it always makes me think of the early church members, how they were trying to figure out how to follow Jesus in the midst of a world that seemed opposed (sound familiar?) Let us pray for all of us who are trying to live our faith, that we will have the courage to make the changes in our life necessary and the wisdom to trust God in this walk of our faith.

Maybe one way to start is to get involved is being a part of the NYS Catholic Conference Public Policy Day on March 13th, in Albany NY. You can get information from the website http://www.nyscatholic.org/?s=policy+day ; Please let me know if you are interested in participating; we will be having on line meetings as the date approaches.

Epiphany – God’s Way of Saying “Get Moving!”

I Googled “Epiphany” images and found this one and thought how wonderful it was. This small child certainly looks like he/she has had an “epiphany” and I thought how much this picture symbolizes what we should be like when we think about the miraculous event of Christmas; that God has loved us so much that He sent his only begotten son to live among us and to teach us what it means to be a son or daughter of God.  I don’t know about you, but I want to be like this when I encounter Jesus in my life. Like the shepherds and the wise men, have we seen our star; that light that calls us out of our comfort zone, that thing that gives us hope that our lives can be different – better?  We all have something inside of us that leaves us yearning for something more, searching for meaning of our existence and I think that God gives us the light in the darkness, but so often we ignore that it is God. God calls us, just like the shepherds and the wise men to get moving – to find the treasure that lies beneath the star that God shines brightly for each one of us. We all reach our Epiphany at different times, in different ways, God has a journey for each one of us and He offers the greatest gift, if we will take the journey, trust in Him and believe that God is truly with us.

Keep Things in Perspective! (And pray every day for the world to do the same)

This Christmas Season I decided to be quiet. To stop talking, stop writing, stop having an opinion and listen, just listen. As you can see from the last entry to this blog it has been a very quiet time for the Office of Young Adult Ministry, and a very quiet time for me. As I headed into the busy season of Advent and Christmas, I found myself more and more quiet, watching the hustle and bustle of people around me, the acquisition of more and more stuff that people don’t really need; the adoption of this Christian holiday by people who are not very (if at all) Christian the other days of the year (even my Jewish friends were busy decorating their Christmas tree and buying presents), the television shows, commercials and store music that really made you feel like an alien if you were not so ready to buy into the whole thing.  I found myself wondering what I could get my son that would make his eyes twinkle and shriek with excitement on Christmas – because to tell you the truth, I needed that more than anything because he is growing up and there is no little boy in my house any longer.  Despite him telling me that he didn’t need anything I wanted to get him something, and the world around me told me that I did too.  On Christmas Eve I found myself pretty depressed that as a single mother, I really couldn’t justify threatening the mortgage payment, or heating fuel, or – oh yea, Christmas Eve my furnace decided to get sick, so an emergency visit of a repairman on Christmas Day also didn’t help – and all along my son told me that he didn’t need anything. But as parents we all know that the abundance of Christmas isn’t really about what our kids need, or what they want, but about us, and how we have bought into what the world tells us we are suppose to be as parents and perhaps, it is a way for us to make up all those times throughout the year when we didn’t do it perfectly, because somehow we were taught that we are suppose to do it perfectly every time!  As I went to sleep that night, hoping we wouldn’t get too much snow this winter because my porch roof doesn’t look like it can take the pressure, and worried about the furnace, wondering if I was enough for anything or anyone, and the thoughts kept whirling in my head, -- I prayed for Peace. My thoughts went to that small family in the manger, “no crib for his bed”, and imagined what they would be thinking. Would they concentrate on the conditions of the manger or just be grateful to have shelter?  I wondered of all mother’s and father’s who were lonely this Christmas, that felt that they would let their kids down because they couldn’t get them the latest i-product or whatever it is they had been asking for. I thought of all the mother’s and father’s who did buy things that they really couldn’t afford and were lying awake at night wondering how to get pass this Christmas.  Like the Shepherds in the fields, sometimes life is dark and lonely, even on Christmas night.  We have to see the Light, that only God can send us, and follow it, no matter how difficult the journey -- that leads us to Jesus, quietly sleeping in His mother’s arms, surrounded by Love, waiting for us to be present.  “What do I have to give the King?” asked one of the Shepherds, and the other replied, “We can give him our faith.” (There is nothing like a Christmas pageant when you hear these words spoken by children and you can really get it!)  I fell asleep with the thoughts of Jesus and the prayer of so many lonely souls that night.

But I awoke wanting to be silent.  No inspiration to write about anything.

I spent much time during the holiday, reading and watching movies, spending time with Noah and playing some board games. The time went by way too quickly as I am sure you can agree.

Then it came to me, as I sat in Sunday Mass this past weekend – one line that changed my spirit – “Mary kept these things, reflecting on them in her heart.”  My quiet Christmas made sense, it is ok, to take it all in and quietly reflect on them, that there is time to be quiet and time to speak, and both are ok.  And I was able to be so grateful for all that I saw this holiday season. I was able to dig up the manual for the furnace and begin to understand how they work, and what all the buttons are for; and for a moment, I stopped, all the anxiety of what I think the world should be like, and as Noah and I were looking at the planets through his telescope on a very cold, clear night (the night sky has been full of entertainment the last few weeks!), I thought of those Shepherds and Wise men, who had been called to leave the familiar and search for the origin of a star, and there they would find Love.

I believe that nothing happens by coincidence; this past summer, as Noah was starting to become attracted to stars and planets, black holes and galaxies, we attended Creation Fest, in which Louis Giglio spoke of God’s Magical Symphony – the sounds of God’s creation, even stars, praising the Creator. It was an awesome presentation. I ran into Sam’s a couple days before Christmas, and as I was quickly passing the book section, heading toward the frozen foods, something caught my eye, it was a small paperback book, by Louie Giglio entitled “Indescribable” and I thought, “Hey this is the guy this summer!” And I got it to give to Noah for Christmas, because his love of the night sky was increased by the presentation of this guy.  Noah was very excited, and I got to see that twinkle! (And it wasn’t even an i-product!) and within a couple of days Noah had finished the book, and when I asked him how the book was, he replied, “Indescribable Mom!” But he wanted to share one thing he learned about with me and it not only, brought things into prospective, it connected all the dots from my Christmas experience-- it is a video done by Carl Sagan, describing this “Pale Blue Dot” we live on and I want to share it with you. Perhaps it will help all of us keep things in perspective in 2012 and really understand that God is BIG and we are small, and when we get caught up in something that feels life or death, and it really isn’t, remember our size in the big scheme of things, and why not do the right thing whatever the consequences and stop living in fear, because our time is less than a fraction of a second, and people are suffering because of our own inflated sense of self importance as the collective “us” refuse to see the big, big, big picture God sees.  To keep things in perspective is my prayer for myself, for you and for all the world in 2012.

Feast of the Immaculate Conception - Happy Mother's Day Mary!

Today is meaningful day for me, not just because it is a Holy Day of Obligation ,but as a Catholic Mother I a take time to reflect on my motherhood. The readings remind us today of the beginning of God’s relationship with us through the story of Eve in Genesis.  The story of Adam and Eve is one that tells us of our human condition and always reminds us that we are not as trusting of God as we were created to be. Not that we do not have the power to trust, because at times in life we amaze ourselves with the ability to trust God, but that we fall over and over again in believing that God has our best in mind. The serpent was able to convince Eve that God was not telling her the truth about the tree of knowledge and that somehow God was keeping something from her. And so trust was broken and life became hard outside the promises of God. It was especially hard because Adam and Eve would struggle to see themselves as God sees them, and we would begin the long hard struggle of gaining that vision back. We tend to see ourselves, thousands of years later, being naked, exposed and concentrating on that fact instead of all the things that God has given us, all of which are freely given.

As a young woman I too struggled with only seeing what I wasn’t instead of who I was, and this belief of not being enough led me to never really expecting the best for myself.  What I wanted in life, all the good things, a good husband and children, somehow seemed to be out of my grasp; instead of looking into myself for the answers I looked outward and became discouraged. As I think of Mary’s journey today, I see how she was the one who broke the chains of fear and Eve’s inability to trust God. Mary trusted God with all that she was, and agreed to be a part of something that would change the world forever, never asking to know the outcome before she agreed.  I was tired of waiting for “the one”, and he was not coming, I felt that I had to get that through my head. I know now that it was the same serpent of Eve, telling me that God didn’t really hear my prayers.  I didn’t want to believe it, I was a good person, why wouldn’t it come to me? To seal the deal, the person I loved more than anything, was taken from my life when he took his own life. I couldn’t understand how a loving God could do this! And so like Eve, I took it upon myself to find knowledge, left the church and went about getting my own dreams. I gave myself to the first person that came along and used love as the reason. But from the beginning I knew that this did not fit with who I was. The problem was that I did not know who I was anymore, because I had taken God out of the equation. I just wanted to feel loved.  I found myself pregnant, pretty quickly, and in today’s reading I am reminded of how I felt that day. We hear Mary saying, “How can this be, since I have no relations with a man? Not that I didn’t have sexual relations but I had no “relationship” with a man, because in order to have a relationship I would have had to be present, and I wasn’t present to anything except physically. I wonder today, of how many women find themselves in the same situation, knowing that they are physical with a man, but really are not in relationship to them. There are so many of us women, seeking love, and we just can’t find the love that will satisfy our inner soul, because that place is reserved for God. At this point, I had some “choices”--  I could have had an abortion and my reputation would not have been stained, but my soul would have been stained forever; I could have stood in a church, proclaiming my vows, knowing that I would not be able to fulfill them; or I could have confessed my sin, taken the consequences and sin no more, asking for help to make this situation (which felt horrible) into something that glorified God. I choose the later. I chose to get busy in making a life with this small child and finally trusting in God that all would be well. Through this event, God (and me) brought me to a place that I was forced to trust in Him, because there was nothing else to trust. From that moment on I was at peace and luckily for me it was in the beginning of my pregnancy. This baby who was growing inside me was not a “mistake” it was hope that God and I were growing together.  I wish that for every woman that finds themselves in this place would believe that God has great things for you and for that child, no matter the circumstances.  Think of the fear that Mary must have felt because she could be stoned to death, and if she can say yes to life, what are we afraid of … tarnished reputations or financial struggles? Take on the fight! That small child inside of us wants to be born, wants to receive God’s promises.  This small little boy inside me, was the answer to my prayer, I wanted to be a Mom, maybe not in these circumstances, but I know that God used it to bring me ever closer to him and ultimately give me the answer to who I was.  In the Book of Revelation, we see Mary, triumph over the serpent, with 12 gold stars around her head, the Queen of Heaven and earth, she shows us how to trust in a way that Eve before her failed. She shows us how every day, trusting God wins over evil, even when you have to watch your child being placed on the cross!

When I gave birth to Noah, there were some medical complications that were pretty serious, so within just a few minutes we went from delivering to C-section to emergency surgery, and as they placed the mask on my face, I heard God ask, “will you die for him?” and my answer was “Yes” and never in my life was I in a position to give my life for someone else and God gave me this gift.  Now I can approach life in a whole new way, understanding love. The gift I was given that day is knowing, really knowing, what Jesus gave for me in taking up the cross. What Noah has taught me, is what Mary teaches all of us, to trust God with all our heart, with all of soul and with all of our minds. And when we can really trust, than we can understand the words, “all things are possible with God”.

Happy Mother’s Day to Mary and the Church, help us to believe in the coming of your Son.

So it is 11 days until the Young Adult Retreat “Metanoia” will be held.  I continue to pray for those who may be hearing God’s call to get a hold of a registration form. I think I have invited everyone that has come across my path, and have begged those around me to do the same, and so now we wait.  Like the girls in the last Sunday’s readings, I am making sure that the lamps are burning bright and that there is plenty of oil in case we wait a long time and the lamps need to be refilled. We are ready! 

And then I read the readings for this coming Sunday . . . Mt 25; 14-30 The Parable of the Talents.  I find comfort in this reading after a few hours of meditating on it, but not at first. I tend to be like the third worker, if you give me something to hold on to, I will take good care of it -- but I am not so sure that I would go and gamble it away hoping to be able to give you more when you get back. I am probably going to hope that you are happy with me that whatever it is, is returned in the same condition you gave it to me. But in this parable it is easy to see that God expects more from us than that. God has given us all of our talents, everything we have, especially our faith, and I suppose that God, as told to us through Jesus, expects us to spread the Good News. In spreading the news, we will work with God in the conversion of souls.  I suppose that is why we should not be content with merely our own salvation. Since God gives us everything, even our reputation, the fact that people think we are good, trustworthy, etc. I risk that mainstream reputation when I take on a further call to spread the Good News as it is lived out in my own gospel, the experience of Jesus Christ within my own life. How will others see me; a Jesus freak? (Oh and by the way we will not even mention the fear that people will uncover that I am really a phony, full of air, and able to pop with the slightest touch; who am I to speak on God’s behalf.) But I am reminded over and over again, that if I hear the call and do not respond, it is not only me that suffers, but my friends, my neighbors and the world. If I am given words to say, a life of joy and enthusiasm for Jesus, and I repress it, than no one gets the benefit of the message. And when we, collectively, decide we will not take up our call, than that is compounded a million times! What kind of world will we then have? Should we be surprised of the world we live in now? Lately I have been looking for a bumper sticker that says, “If not you, then who?” And so in the Parable this week, I have often wondered what would happen if at least one of them would have come back saying, “Um, I tried to make you some more and well, it didn’t go so good, so I actually have nothing to give back.” But I suppose that this is not even an option. That when one takes what they have been given, whatever the talent, and believe that it really, ultimately belongs to the Master, and takes care of that talent with passion and respect, there is no way that it will not multiply. That is part of this lesson, to believe, to live a life of passion for what you are hearing God say to you, and know that we are fertile ground and we will be more than we were at the beginning of this journey. As I close this day, I remember the words from the writings of Julian of Norwich, " ... All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well". And I hear God's gentle voice in my head saying, "Of course it will be."

It’s All About Love

When Jesus replied that this Commandment was the greatest, he did sure challenge those around him and everyone else to come after. What does it mean to Love God with ALL our heart? Have you ever really thought  about it? If we love God above all else, there really is no need for the rest of the Commandments, because if I love God I will always be honest, I will always treat my neighbor with the upmost respect, I will respect my parents and all elderly, even if they haven’t always respected me, I will not live in a world that is an eye for an eye. I will do what is right, not because of some rule, but because I am totally in love with Abba – the God in which I have this unbelievable close relationship with.

When we love someone, really love them, their interest is always first and foremost on our mind. And so it is with our relationship with God. To live in justice means that I will offer to others what I know God would want for them, therefore putting God’s and his people’s interests first. With experience of living this way I will know that I live in real joy and happiness, and that doesn’t mean that life will be easy and abundant of the things of the world (remember last week’s reading?)

But Jesus doesn’t just say that this is a nice thing to do, it is the #1 Commandment, and so there is more of an emphasis that choosing to put God’s best interest first is all wrapped up in our salvation. I wonder what that means for the world in the year 2011. So many times people believe that as long as you are a “nice” person you will get to Heaven.  If I walked into a closet today, and stayed there until my death, I could say that I lived a life without hurting anyone, without saying anything that offended anyone, I was not involved in political arguments, and I did not lie, cheat, murder, covet, nor take the Lord’s name in vain – will I then go to Heaven? Or will I be asked why I didn’t feel responsible to make the world better, to bring God’s word to the hopeless or comfort the sick? While God is a loving God, I believe that he is a just God – and that while I was not a problem on earth, I did nothing to help in the creation of the Kingdom of God here on earth, now. Would I go to heaven? Or perhaps, I spent my life, continually putting myself out there, wanting to serve God, but sometimes failed and had to pick myself back up. Maybe sometimes within my zeal to speak God’s word I offended someone, or didn’t say something just right, but could make up for it with an apology – would I go to Heaven?

Do we really believe in the prospect of living with God for all eternity? Many times in this age, people don’t live with the hope of salvation primarily in their mind.  I think many people, myself included, go throughout our day, not really aware of how our actions will get us to -- or keep us from Heaven.  I believe there is life after this one with God, in which we will be reunited with those we love, and not only will we be reunited but we will see them for who they truly are and we will be seen by others for all that we truly all – we will shine with the brightness that God intended for us.

This week, let’s pay attention of our love for God, let it surround us and let us pray that we may experience God in every thought, word and deed. Let us truly - Go, and serve the Lord.

The Messy Vineyard

OH, another week with so much in the reading that jumps out from the page to my heart…don’t you just love it when it does that? (To tell the truth I begin to feel a bit overwhelmed to get all my thoughts out there) so today I will try to spread it out over a few days. As always I praise God who is alive in my life and in the world!

This weeks upcoming readings: Is 5:1-7, Phil 4:6-9 and Mt 21:33-43

First reading -- I love how it begins, kind of like the beginning of the Beverly Hill Billies, go ahead and read the first lines, with the tune in the back of your mind! Did you see the comparison? Lol  But enough musings ...

Here is a picture of vineyard, who when so guarded, all that grew were “wild grapes”! And so, the owner of the vineyard is going to let whatever happen, happen to the vineyard, in hopes of getting something different. Now I am no theologian or scripture scholar, I really only go by what I hear in my head and heart about the readings at hand. But boy did this strike me. When I grew up, so many things about the church were “guarded”, parishioners it seemed, knew their place and pretty much remained there. The “jobs” of the church were taken care of by “special” people, and somehow things got done, Church was there on Sunday and you didn’t really have to worry about it. But, even with so much given us, and I am referring to those now in their 30s and 40s, it seems that we have grown “wild” that we do not have a deep appreciation for this Catholic faith and are, for the most part, doing a horrible job in passing that faith to the next generation. So many young adults (and not so young adults) don’t know much about the teachings of the faith (and I am talking about the REAL teachings, not what you learn on the “streets”) and so are luke warm about not only the Catholic faith, but are luke warm about God in general. Take a look at families, schools, governments, etc., and we can see how the watering down of commitments to God has affected our whole world.  And so the result is a Church in great need of love and caretaking, falling and being left for dead. But ohhhh, the opportunity God is giving us!!! Yes, this, in a way is a GOOD thing! In the past few weeks we have heard about a man’s son who says he will work in the vineyard but doesn’t go and a son who says no but then changes his mind, of people who work in the vineyard for different amounts of time, but all get the same pay, don’t we see, for so many of us, who said (and say) that we are bringing Christ into the world, but didn’t when given an opportunity, or we say that we know our faith, but don’t when it is time to teach the lessons to our children, we have an opportunity to change our minds AND to get the same pay – heaven.  It is when the walls of the Church have fallen, when She needs our attention and care, that we are invited, with all of our gifts into this messy vineyard, that we can have a change of mind and heart, and to roll up our sleeves and get to work living and proclaiming the message of Jesus Christ. We have a second chance, and we can be the small, vulnerable sprouts of the good grapes because through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ we have been made new again. The time is now, and not to settle for less than what Jesus death on the cross provides for us.  It is not a time to blame and to find excuses, we ALL got here together, and together we will rise!

Date Set for CreationFest 2012!

I wanted to post some of the videos that came out of CreationFest 2011 this  year, in hopes that it would inspire Young Adults and their families to consider coming with us to CreationFest 2012. It is an amazing experience to be with so many people of different faiths, all coming together to worship the Creator! Amazing bands, amazing vistas, awesome Christian speakers who inspire. This year at CreationFest Northeast, Justin Fatica, a Catholic speaker and founder of Hard As Nails Ministry was the first, yes the first, Catholic speaker to take the main stage. He was awesome, and inspiring! Check out the videos, and put the date, June 27 to 30th in your calendar for next year. If you have teen kids, they will LOVE it! It is the Christian Woodstock!

The Greatest Question Ever Asked...

Lately I have been reflecting on just what it means to be Catholic. It’s not an easy religious choice when you really think about it. Everything about being Catholic, when done fully and with conviction touches every part of your life. Being Catholic calls us not only in relationship with this Jesus that we profess, but it calls us into a relationship with the world that is very often against the teachings of Christ. This week, Jesus asks his disciples and each one of us, “Who do you say that I am?”. We know that our actions speak louder than words, and when you really come down to it, it is so easy to say what we know is right, and yet another to actually move our actions to align with our speech. When we read about the Saints and holy people, this is one common factor that they all possess, they were actually able to live their lives according to their beliefs and live what they preached, even in persecution and for many death.

As I reflect on this passage, it becomes clear to me that when Jesus asks me, “Who, Lorraine, do you say that I am? He is in part asking me what Jesus am I reflecting to the world. What Jesus am I bringing to the people in whom I meet each day? This then becomes much more a personal question to me than it ever had before. Do I proclaim my love for God without reservation? Do I work for justice without fear? Do I love my neighbor as myself?  When people meet me do they instantly know that I proclaim Jesus as my Lord? Unfortunately, and probably commonly, I have to admit that it is not 100%. Being Catholic calls me to proclaim not only Jesus message in speech, but it calls me to do so in action. All the world’s problems become my problems … daunting! I am my brother’s keeper.  

As I work to implement a Religious Education program in my parish, or begin my ministry for the Young Adults of the Diocese, I am reminded that all the people I will encounter need love and understanding. As much as I just want people to get in line and follow the program, it rarely happens that way. Each person we encounter has their own issues going on, and when you ask someone to go to church, or become involved, I have to realize that this asks much more from them than to be present. At least if it all works right. When someone walks into church, and participates in Communion with the Lord, they are asked to change. And that change is often HARD! Recently I had a conversation with coworkers about kid’s sports and what parents give up or compromise on so that their children will be part of the “team”. When someone takes the message of Jesus and the Church, we realize that the first “team” that we and our children belong to is God’s team, and being on that team asks you to go against so much of what the world holds true and important. We all have a need to belong, and in so many ways, being part of things like sports teams, is a tangible, quick fix to that need. Often, those of us in the Church do not portray our “team” to be one worth joining, as we say one thing and do another. But with the decline of people realizing that we are on God’s team, our families weaken, our churches weaken and shortly thereafter our society as a whole weakens; isn’t it evident?

Who are we saying Jesus is in our everyday life? Do we share the amazing things that He does in our lives with those around us? Can people look at us and see a person of faith and integrity? Do we allow Jesus to go before us in all we do, with amazing fearless faith in which he has given us? (Remember the reading a couple weeks ago in which Jesus tells us that if we believe we can actually walk on water?) Jesus asked Peter this question, and Peter replied, "You are the Christ!" And with that answer, Jesus builds His church on him. First and foremost we must proclaim Jesus as the Christ, the Son of God, calling us to deeper, more holy lives.

Today Jesus is asking…”Who do YOU say that I am?” What is your answer?

Reaching out to God's Abundant Gifts

Image via Wikipedia

Reaching out seems to be the theme of my days lately. Being that I am pretty independent (probably to a fault) God is helping me to realize that I really do need others, not only in my home life or my work life but also in my spiritual life. I long for moments when I am able to share, both talking about, and listening to others talk about, God's great work in their life. Lately I have been meeting so many people who have shared their stories with me and I am so grateful. Every day, I hear God saying to me, "Reach Out".

In the readings for this week, we continue to hear about Jesus' public ministry, and how this crowd always seems to be around Him. What struck me this week, is the fact that the disciples were concerned about the crowd being hungry, and ask Jesus to dismiss them so they can go themselves something to eat. Jesus very nicely tells the disciples that they don't need to send them to get food for themselves, that they are, in a sense, responsible to feed them. Something all of us could learn. For me, it reminded me that in ministry, we feed people, and sometimes, maybe even most times, we are not convinced that we have enough to feed all the people that are around us. I often get anxious, and think, "What do I have to say?" or "How can I help people see God in their everyday life, enough for them to be inspired to dedicate themselves in the continual building of the kingdom?" Most days, I just don't feel like I am enough. But then I remember that God did make me enough, if I only believe in his greatness, and that God wouldn't ask me to do something that He didn't prepare me for or in which He is not ready to give me everything I need to be successful. (Last weeks readings tell us that.) The question is, do I have enough faith to believe it? Do I have enough faith to believe in the words I hear in Romans this week:

What will separate us from the love of Christ?
Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or peril, or the sword?
No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly
through him who loved us.

Not even my own fears can separate me from the love of my Father in Heaven! God waits for me patiently, gently loving me until I can get over myself and get going on the work at hand. Always loving me perfectly. Today I heard a quote from Meister Eckhart that went something like...”I pray to God to get rid of "God". That is … to get rid of the God that lives in my head - that is comprehensible by my human brain which is so limited (and at times keeps me from the real God that is incomprehensible)doesn't really allow me to experience the immense Love that God is pouring to me. It is like the loaves and the fishes in the gospel this week, we think that there is not enough, I am not enough, the Church is not enough, the love I have in my life is not enough, and somehow, when our lives can be offered to our Father, we find that we have had more than we needed to be satisfied. Faith that all things work for good for those who love God.

I am thirsty, and each day is a step closer to the well and the life abundant that God has in store for me.

Take the Treasure or Buy the Field?

Image by quadrapop via Flickr

In the reading for the upcoming Sunday, Jesus tells more parables.  Jesus tells the disciples that:  “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure that is buried in a field, which a person finds and hides again, and out of joy goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” I think that it is really important for the young church to hear these words from Jesus. I think that we walk around this world thinking that things are going to come easy. Or we at least hope that they will. But Jesus is very clear, that the person who found the buried treasure didn’t just take it on the sly and run with it. He or she actually reburied it and went and sold all that he/she had and bought the field. This really makes the buried treasure rightfully his or hers.  Finding God or a Church that becomes a sacrament of Jesus for us, is really something that we have to sell all we have for. We have to give up all the things that we thought our life would hold, and have trust in this faith of ours that God will break us open and make us new, and better than we ever thought we could be and our life could be and in turn a better world than we could ever imagine. Letting go of all our planning and scheming for our own life is scary, and it is so anti-cultural since our world tells us that we are the designers of our own destiny. Without that ultimate letting go we cannot become the person that God sees in us. God’s mind is so much wider and deeper than we can ever imagine.

I think that the question for us to ask ourselves, as the young people of our church is– what are we prepared to pay for that field that holds the kingdom of God? What are we willing to give our church so that it can be a reflection of God’s kingdom here on earth? As I said in other blog entries, we are not meant to do this religion thing alone, we are meant to reach out to those around us, and to give who we are so that in turn we can be the best of who we are.

Are we trying to sneak off with the buried treasure without buying the field?

Watch the movie, Of God and Men, totally worth living through the subtitles ... great example of men who bought the field!