Thankful for the Beginning of Metanoia

Usually the writings of this blog are inspired by the readings for the upcoming week, but this week I plan to do something a little different. I am coming back from a few days off, celebrating the Thanksgiving week with my family, which has truly left me feeling humbled and blessed. Although we don’t have the numbers that other families are blessed with, as we sat around our small table (in our pajamas this year) we realized that we had so much to be Thankful for. Among those things, is the opportunity to be the Director of Young Adult Ministry and a family that is as dedicated as I am. A mother who jumps in and takes care of so much so that my dream can be realized to work for the church, while maintaining a job that also is very fulfilling is enough to be thankful for. And thankful for such a good son who understands why sometimes I have to be away, and already at the age of 12 understands that people need to stand up for what we believe in, even if that means he goes to bed without my kiss or hugs some nights. A am humbled to be a single mother and somehow can keep our life going, when I am well aware that in other countries the plight of single mothers is to beg on the street for any morsel of food, or to even sell your child in hopes that this little one will have a better life somewhere outside your arms. “Only by the grace of God go I” is my mantra.

I am grateful for the beautiful women I met on our first Metanoia retreat and the wonderful people, especially Fr. Al Hauser, who jumped in and made it happen as I was wrestling with the devil. Without him, or the Kilians, the retreat would not have been possible. I want to talk too, about the power of God, when two or three gathered there He is in our midst and it has never been so powerful for me as it was during the Metanoia retreat. So much so, that when it was over, I, like the first disciples, found myself wanting to hide in the upper room -- in awe and wondering of what the real meaning of the experience meant; not only to me but to the future of our church.  I want to make it clear, that it had nothing to do with me, it was purely God.  It wasn’t an experience of something that will change everything in itself, but it was a seed of something that could grow so powerful. In so many ways, in the experiencing of the retreat, it became something different than I even dreamed about when the planning of this event began. For me, the power of God’s presence and the insistent presence of the devil within me left me in a place in which I will forever be changed.  There were so many factors that could have stopped this retreat from happening that when I list them all I wonder how it actually got off the ground, but it did. I knew it before but I am even more convinced than ever, that God will always win over evil if we merely help the fight. It is by no coincidence, though I didn’t put it all together, that the first Metanoia retreat was held the weekend of Christ the King. But I also know how weak we are, even when we don’t want to be.  The most beautiful element of the retreat is that the participants were able to just “be” with God, one of the things that we often forget to do. We spoke of the demands of the world, how we get our appreciation and self worth from what we “do” and in God’s eyes, He loves us simply because we “are”. If only we could see ourselves as God sees us!! Thank you to Jamie, Samantha, Carmel, Jen and Kelley for saying "yes" to the unknown, and for sharing of yourselves to our first small group.

As we anticipate the birth of the Christ-child, we are reminded to envelope ourselves in “silent nights” – to simply just meditate on our lives, that are often lived in darkness and in a state of loneliness. If we can reach deep down into ourselves and be honest, how we could get to the end of Advent with such a yearning for Christ to enter our lives in a whole new way, with both hands wanting to hold that Christ baby in loving embrace – and oh how he would love to share his wondrous joy with us, no more darkness, no more loneliness and a promise to walk beside us, all the days of our lives.

Our Time is Limited

With all this talk about Saints and Souls, and then the readings of today, we are reminded that we have to be awake as we live this life. How we live our lives, and to what we deem as important is the very thing that God will judge us on. As we celebrated All Saints day we are reminded that Saints were people who somehow figured out how to be themselves, the person that God intended them to be despite their frailties and sins, and lived a good life, so much so that God intermingled with their lives so much that others around them were affected - healed by miracles. They certainly were not perfect, and a recurring theme throughout the lives of the saints is that they too believed that they were not worthy. How many times do we tell ourselves that we are not Saints, that we don't have what it takes to be one, and so we go back to sleep accepting what the world will give us and turn away from what God offers us. All we have to do is look around and we can see how we are not accepting blessings from God, the condition of the world, our towns, our neighborhoods and our families are a reflection of what we deem as important, and God does not want for us what we are living. He has something so much better in mind.

But then the question comes, what can I do about it? The task at hand seems so overwhelming, we sometimes feel that all we can do is try to be a good person and hope that this is enough. But God tells us over and over again that it is NOT enough. That if we want to be one of the chosen ones, if we really do want to live all of eternity in His presence, than we have to quiet the voices that want to convince us that we can't make a change, take a deep breath and get to work on building the Kingdom of God today. The Kingdom is available if we just get busy bringing it about. But the Devil is a cunning one, and he is hard at work making us feel that we are not good enough. The more we try to do good, the harder the Deciever works to make us feel like we are nothing. But we must listen to God who tells us that we are everything!

Today on All Souls Day, we are reminded not only that there is no separation from us and those that have gone before us, but also that our time is limited, and we must ask ourselves of what we want to be remembered for? What mark will we leave on this world? Don't let the Deceiver get the best part of you! The Devil's job is to drown out the voice of God in our lives, and he is doing his job very well. Pray to hear God's voice, and that voice, we are reminded by Saints and Souls, is saying how GOOD you are and that YOU can make a difference. Fill your lamps with God's oil, by doing what is right, by speaking when you need to, by commanding that the Devil's voice be quieted in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord who paid the price for our freedom; freedom from the oppression of evil. But we have to do our part, because as Paul asks the early followers in today's 2nd reading, "Are you unaware that we who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?" We are intermingled with suffering and resurrection, we are called to be uncomfortable in the truth, and it is only by our death that we too may share in the resurrection. Can you imagine a morning of such bright light? The day that we embrace this fact and live a fearless life.

Humility is a strange thing; once you think you got it, you've lost it!

This week it is important for us church workers to hear the words of Jesus. Jesus says, “ They preach but they do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they will not lift a finger to move them. All their works are performed to be seen… they love places of honor…”  Church work tends to, if being honest, connect us to our humble side. When we are honest with ourselves, we know that the power comes from God, that left alone we can really muck things up. When we have an awesome meeting, or encounter, when we are inspired and are able to somehow bring that inspiration to life, we must understand that the power is from God and that He is working through us to touch the people that have been placed in our care. But Church workers are human, and like everyone else we want to be recognized for the hard work that we put into it, the long hours and the sacrifices in our personal lives in order to do God’s work. But we have to be careful, because even though we are doing “God’s work” we have to know that we are more than the actions that we do, and that God loves us, no matter what we do or don’t do, the successes and the failures, even in the moments when we feel defeated and discouraged. We have to watch that we don’t see ourselves different than those we serve, our common denominator is that we are all broken in some ways and all glorious in others. We have a lot to learn from those we serve. Jesus also reminds us that we have to be living this Christian life as well as spreading the Good News. This week at Religious Ed classes, the children and I talked about what a Christian should look like … and we all decided that a Christian who is really living out the Good News should look happy and joyful, not all depressed and down, after all our actions maybe the only Gospel someone encounters. We should be showing people how awesome life can be with God, not that life is easy but that our lives show hope for something more. 

We work hard to help others experience a conversion,(Metanoia) but sometimes we have to slow down a little bit, and not place heavy burdens on the shoulders of others, especially if we are not going to “lift a finger to move them”, as Jesus says. We continually have to be mindful that conversion is hard, and scary and sometimes almost impossible in a world like ours, but we have to help people see that they are not alone. After all, we know from the readings the past few weeks, that the key is love, to love as Jesus did, in the role of the patient, self sacrificing servant. “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled; but whoever humbles himself will be exalted”.

As I was writing this, another thought drifted in. Perhaps it is important for us to pat our church workers on the back, not because the event or class went perfectly, perhaps it is simply so that person will not be starved for recognition and begin to work in a way that satisfies that need instead of the needs of parishioners.  Perhaps it is important for us to stop our church volunteers and staff, and say thank you and give them a little love, perhaps it will make all the difference in the world. This upcoming week the North Country Catholic will be publishing the Priest Appreciation Issue, take time to thank those that keep our Church going, in an imperfect world, that is dying to know God.

The Problem with Conversion

Lately I have been thinking about conversion, (can’t imagine why? Check out the Metanoia Movement) and I think that God has graciously given me some new insights. What is the problem with conversion? Why is it that when God promises us a new life, we hesitate and swim in the familiar misery that we call our life?

While God calls us to something different, and for sure more fulfilling that what we have going on now, we tend to be afraid of that which we do not know. I think that when we talk about creating a new spark in the church of today, we can’t help but ask ourselves, what is the problem, who wouldn’t want in on this thing? But then I got a hint of why we wouldn’t. In today’s world we see ourselves so much different than God, our creator sees us. We immerse ourselves in what the world deems as success. We work hard, we try to give our kids everything that they need to “keep up” and we judge ourselves, on a standard that we will never achieve.  We allow our “ego” to tell us what is good and bad about us, but we should realize that the ego is never satisfied, it has an insatiable hunger for everything. More, more, more is the mantra of the ego. And when we look ourselves through the lens of the ego, we tell ourselves that we are not enough. There is always something missing. And so, how can we really believe that God would love me with such an immense love? How can I really feel that love, and live my life from that place? It seems like something that I could never achieve, at least for any sustained time that it would actually change my life. In these times, love is elusive, and with everyone working on the greater of good of the “I”, when do we get to learn the meaning of real love, there just isn’t very many opportunities to have some concrete experience of anything that may resemble the love God has for us.

And then there is a problem with meeting God in the core of my being, if I ever do get a chance to meet God there, because then I will really have to move to something else in my life. I will have to clear out the cobwebs of all the places within myself that I have been avoiding for a long time, and it might hurt. It will, at the very least, require me to change things about how I am living my life, with no guarantee that I won’t be standing here alone, holding up a real mess. I think that it is scary to have a real conversion experience, its kind of like shopping at Wal-Mart. I remember reading all the terrible things that Wal-Mart does to its employees, and how they really take advantage of those who manufacture or produce certain items. For Wal-Mart it is the bottom line, no matter what. How many of us have thought that it probably isn’t the best to shop at Wal-Mart. In my rural town, Wal-Mart has been a part of shutting down local businesses because they couldn’t compete with the prices of buying in bulk. But what happens if you decide that you will no longer shop at Wal-Mart, you will pay more money for some items, shopping may not be as convenient, and for some towns, Wal-Mart is the only game in town! So we find ourselves shopping at Wal-Mart. Conversion I think is similar. If we were to look at the teachings of the Church (which I believe are more right than wrong), we might find that we married the wrong person, or that we are parenting in a way that hurts our children more than helps them; we might feel that our conversations with our co-workers or our friends aren’t worth having, we might even lose friends; perhaps our job is in conflict with the teachings of the Church, maybe our family members won’t support us, etc. When we shift our thinking, let alone our actions, there are consequences, and sometimes those consequences can be overwhelming. Sometimes we find that in this world, with so much hurting, and inequality it is just easier to shut our eyes, it just gets too much …we are afraid that we will be alone, that people will think that we are “high and mighty”, that our kids will be laughed at, and on and on, (plug in your own fears here) that beginning the change, even just going to church can be a daunting task. But we seldom think, that if I don’t jump off this ledge I am living on, I could lose my soul! I could lose my children’s soul! I could lose my place in heaven! That is the real consequence by not taking this invitation to conversion, this invitation to love God and to allow Him to love me, just the way I am. But my ego keeps reminding me that I am not enough. How then, do we commit ourselves to God, every moment of everyday?

This week Jesus tells us to give Caesar what is Caesar’s and to give God what is God’s. We have to remind one another that we belong to God. It is only through LOVE that we will know that love, without judgments, with a sense of community; we have to be here for each other when we decide to open the gate of the one we have fenced in, deep within ourselves that we decided was not worthy to be loved, not really loved. Today, so many people settle for all the empty promises of the world, those things that will never satisfy.  I think that we find the love of God in the commitment to one another that we will not be alone when we open our can of worms, because all of our lives are holy messes, and it is in the courage of sharing our messes that we will be set straight. Let us pray for one another, and for our conversion because God needs us to be light for one another, He has faith in us, and He is very patient.

Metanoia Retreat Coming November 18th

I have been thinking a lot about what young adult Catholics may need from the church and the experiences of the past few days have been rather enlightening. First of all, I attended the Christopher West presentation in Massena. All I can say is WOW -- for so many reasons.  Christopher West is really a prophet of our day. The way he explains and puts the teachings of the Catholic Church would make anyone want to be Catholic or at least think about it. For me, the best line was, “we have always had the right words, but they were put to the wrong music”.  How many of us have grown up with the teachings of the Catholic Church, but they never pulled at our heart strings. We have to care about something deeply in order to change or adopt ways that may not always be the easiest to do. This has proven, I think to be a Big, BIG problem with the younger generation of the Church. As a DRE of my parish, I see that the kids are sitting in class, but do the words we teach pull their heart strings, do we teach our faith with the right music; the kind of music that touches the inner core of who they are? How should we know how to do that when we didn’t have the experience? We all have to take a second (or third, fourth, etc) and look at to what music we put our faith to, so that it can touch our inner heart, the place that has the capacity to really fall in love with Jesus. Once we are in love with Jesus, there would be no stopping us in what we would sacrifice for Him, I know that. But the difficult part is getting out of the head, throwing out our Catholic checklist of actions that would make me a good person, and simply love. Love, Love, Love.  Sounds so simple.  As we all gathered there on Saturday, we found ourselves all in the same boat, and I think, like me, people were awakened to the real hunger that we have for the truth of God’s teaching and I think as we walked out at the end of the day, there was nothing better than to be Catholic.  I think so many of us felt fed, but so wanting more.  I know I wanted to kidnap Christopher West, bring him to my parish so that everyone could hear this message. I don’t think I was the only one. It was easy to see God working through Chris and us wanting to be somehow connected to that.

So what happens to us when Christopher West goes back home to his family and we go back to ours and to our parishes? How on earth do we get experiences like that to keep us moving and thriving to be our best? How do we continue with that sense that I want to really fall in love with Jesus? How do you “fall in love” with someone you can’t see? How do I experience that burning desire to be one with God? Does anyone have these desires? I think it is about getting real with ourselves and presenting ourselves before God (and really ourselves) naked and humble and scared and vulnerable and we need a place to do that. I want to invite you to that place.

A few months ago, I wish that I could say I was meditating, but really I was sleeping. I had been in that sleep state in which you can kind of think about a problem; though in all respects you would classify yourself as sleeping. My problem was that I didn’t know how to meet the needs of the Young Adult Catholics that were placed in my care. I didn’t even know really how to meet all those around the Diocese who fit into the age category. To say the least I was a bit overwhelmed. And so I went to prayer with the issue and gave it to Jesus, knowing that somehow, He would help me figure it out.  That early morning, I heard a voice in my head, telling me to work on a retreat, not a retreat where people would get lost in the crowd, but invite 12 people for 24 hours every 12 weeks to do some serious praying, asking them to be the working force of rebuilding this church. 12 Disciples – 12 young adults, 12 nations that needed to rise again, every 12 weeks. I woke up with a sense that these 12 had to be personally asked to come on this journey, a journey that was just a beginning of something bigger. I woke up with this renewed excitement, and for days following ideas came from everything I touched and saw. I knew that while it was my own voice I heard (no I am not crazy) this came from God. As I began to work on the details, I also came to realize that this was not just another event, it was the culmination of my life, and that it was going to be personal. I think that this is what is scary but necessary. Invitation, invitation.  I was also instructed to contact Fr. Al Hauser, my spiritual director when I was at Wadhams Hall. When I explained this experience to Fr. Hauser, he said yes, without hesitation. I knew I was on the right track. And so the Metanoia Retreat was born, and while it is still an infant the first will be held the weekend of November 18^th, 2011.

Metanoia, the Greek word for Conversion, is an attempt to put all those words to the right music; to give people an opportunity to hear the music that God is putting into our hearts and support to make a commitment to falling in love with Jesus and with the faith. But in order to do that, we have to strip ourselves down to what God made us, taking away all the “stuff” that we hide behind. The Metanoia Retreat takes 12 people, personally invited, into a place with God that converts their heart, so that their mind can be ready to evangelize to the whole world.  We are the lost sheep, and God wants to bring us back to Him, he wants to rejoice in our conversion of heart, in which we come back to his loving arms. We come back because the music and the words come together in such a way that we can’t help but know the joy of being close to God and we can’t hold it back from others.

The retreat will begin on Friday evening at 8pm and go until Saturday evening at 8pm. We want to make sure that those who are working have time to travel to the retreat site, which will be Wadhams Hall in Ogdensburg. Participants have an option to stay a second night if you have traveled far and would rather travel back home on Sunday.  The retreat will have prayer, reflection, Adoration, faith sharing, quiet reflection time, among other things. It will be time to get out of the world, get back to your center and hear what God is saying to you.

A person will only be able to make 1 Metanoia retreat, because once your Metanoia has occurred you will move to another group called Manthano, (Greek word meaning “to learn” but is also used as “to learn through experience or discipleship”) the Manthano Group will gather again every 12 weeks for Catholic teaching, fellowship, prayer and worship. The idea of the retreat experience, with both the Metanoia and the Manthano is that Young Adults will have the tools and support to return to their home parish and become a committed leader and full participant of the Church. Quite ambitious for a 24 hour simple retreat, but with God ALL things are possible.

If you stumbled across this, and are interested in being the first of the 12 to be invited, please contact me at 315-323-4989. I would love to give you more information regarding this event.