Thankful for the Beginning of Metanoia

Usually the writings of this blog are inspired by the readings for the upcoming week, but this week I plan to do something a little different. I am coming back from a few days off, celebrating the Thanksgiving week with my family, which has truly left me feeling humbled and blessed. Although we don’t have the numbers that other families are blessed with, as we sat around our small table (in our pajamas this year) we realized that we had so much to be Thankful for. Among those things, is the opportunity to be the Director of Young Adult Ministry and a family that is as dedicated as I am. A mother who jumps in and takes care of so much so that my dream can be realized to work for the church, while maintaining a job that also is very fulfilling is enough to be thankful for. And thankful for such a good son who understands why sometimes I have to be away, and already at the age of 12 understands that people need to stand up for what we believe in, even if that means he goes to bed without my kiss or hugs some nights. A am humbled to be a single mother and somehow can keep our life going, when I am well aware that in other countries the plight of single mothers is to beg on the street for any morsel of food, or to even sell your child in hopes that this little one will have a better life somewhere outside your arms. “Only by the grace of God go I” is my mantra.

I am grateful for the beautiful women I met on our first Metanoia retreat and the wonderful people, especially Fr. Al Hauser, who jumped in and made it happen as I was wrestling with the devil. Without him, or the Kilians, the retreat would not have been possible. I want to talk too, about the power of God, when two or three gathered there He is in our midst and it has never been so powerful for me as it was during the Metanoia retreat. So much so, that when it was over, I, like the first disciples, found myself wanting to hide in the upper room -- in awe and wondering of what the real meaning of the experience meant; not only to me but to the future of our church.  I want to make it clear, that it had nothing to do with me, it was purely God.  It wasn’t an experience of something that will change everything in itself, but it was a seed of something that could grow so powerful. In so many ways, in the experiencing of the retreat, it became something different than I even dreamed about when the planning of this event began. For me, the power of God’s presence and the insistent presence of the devil within me left me in a place in which I will forever be changed.  There were so many factors that could have stopped this retreat from happening that when I list them all I wonder how it actually got off the ground, but it did. I knew it before but I am even more convinced than ever, that God will always win over evil if we merely help the fight. It is by no coincidence, though I didn’t put it all together, that the first Metanoia retreat was held the weekend of Christ the King. But I also know how weak we are, even when we don’t want to be.  The most beautiful element of the retreat is that the participants were able to just “be” with God, one of the things that we often forget to do. We spoke of the demands of the world, how we get our appreciation and self worth from what we “do” and in God’s eyes, He loves us simply because we “are”. If only we could see ourselves as God sees us!! Thank you to Jamie, Samantha, Carmel, Jen and Kelley for saying "yes" to the unknown, and for sharing of yourselves to our first small group.

As we anticipate the birth of the Christ-child, we are reminded to envelope ourselves in “silent nights” – to simply just meditate on our lives, that are often lived in darkness and in a state of loneliness. If we can reach deep down into ourselves and be honest, how we could get to the end of Advent with such a yearning for Christ to enter our lives in a whole new way, with both hands wanting to hold that Christ baby in loving embrace – and oh how he would love to share his wondrous joy with us, no more darkness, no more loneliness and a promise to walk beside us, all the days of our lives.

This week as we prepare for the Solemnity of Christ the King, we are reminded that it is through our dealings with those who are hungry, who are thirsty and who are held captive that reflects how we deal with God Himself. For the last couple of weeks we have been reflecting on the light and the darkness, how Jesus has taken us out of the darkness and brought us into light, into a new life; and with that new life, it is up to us to go and do God’s work, to feed the hungry and give drink to the thirsty. I think though, we often take this literally, as in some ways we should; it is our responsibility to change the lives of the poor, and to feed those who literally do not have food. But as I once again hear this reading I am reminded of my early days in youth and campus ministry.  When I decided to commit myself to church ministry as my career, I envisioned myself working with the poor. I was in fact, hoping to go to a country like El Salvador to work with the poor and to even risk my life for the message of Christ. However, God seemed to have different plans for me, and I became a Youth Minister in Kentucky and then a Campus Minister in Mississippi and in my entire ministry found myself ministering to children and families that were not poor at all. It was a big shock for me, as I began my ministry career because the parishioners seemed to have lives bigger than I had ever experienced. The youth in my ministry lived in very large houses, in beautiful sub-divisions and had all of the latest gadgets at the time. You were invited to big parties and parishes were new and beautiful. They seemed like the last people who needed food and drink. But as I reflect back on the experience, I was reminded over and over again of just how hungry, thirsty and lost so many of them were. As part of my Campus Ministry at Ole Miss we brought college age students to the missions in Saltillo, Mexico. The people there needed the basics of life, and yet they had so much that we did not have. The experience would make everyone of us who participated in this trip question who exactly is hungry and thirsty.  Sometimes it is much more glamorous for us to sell everything and move to Africa than to see the needs in our own backyard and begin ministering there. We cannot let ourselves be fooled by not hearing the inner cries of those who seem to have everything on the outside and are starving and dying of thirst inside.  

 With the decline of participation in our parishes, especially by Young Adults, we are a missionary church. The need for our church today, I believe, is the conversion of hearts, one heart at a time; being transformed by a personal connection with Jesus. In a world in which our basics are not in question, we are less likely to turn to God, because , let’s face it, it is in hardships and struggles that we move ourselves closer to God, crying for his assistance, His mercy and / or His forgiveness.  We are a people in great spiritual need, and we are so thirsty and so hungry for the living God within our lives that we do not know how to satisfy that need. We grasp at everything we think may satisfy us, but we never are.

We must ask ourselves, am I spiritually feeding others around me; do I move others in the direction of the living waters?  Do I wrap people in the warmth of God when I interact with them? Do I show them the consolation that God offers each one of us?  This is a much more difficult task than handing someone a bottle of water.  So this week, work to stop poverty, but do not overlook the poverty that may be within the person’s life next to you.  Watch how you interact with others so that you will leave God with them when you walk away. 

So it is 11 days until the Young Adult Retreat “Metanoia” will be held.  I continue to pray for those who may be hearing God’s call to get a hold of a registration form. I think I have invited everyone that has come across my path, and have begged those around me to do the same, and so now we wait.  Like the girls in the last Sunday’s readings, I am making sure that the lamps are burning bright and that there is plenty of oil in case we wait a long time and the lamps need to be refilled. We are ready! 

And then I read the readings for this coming Sunday . . . Mt 25; 14-30 The Parable of the Talents.  I find comfort in this reading after a few hours of meditating on it, but not at first. I tend to be like the third worker, if you give me something to hold on to, I will take good care of it -- but I am not so sure that I would go and gamble it away hoping to be able to give you more when you get back. I am probably going to hope that you are happy with me that whatever it is, is returned in the same condition you gave it to me. But in this parable it is easy to see that God expects more from us than that. God has given us all of our talents, everything we have, especially our faith, and I suppose that God, as told to us through Jesus, expects us to spread the Good News. In spreading the news, we will work with God in the conversion of souls.  I suppose that is why we should not be content with merely our own salvation. Since God gives us everything, even our reputation, the fact that people think we are good, trustworthy, etc. I risk that mainstream reputation when I take on a further call to spread the Good News as it is lived out in my own gospel, the experience of Jesus Christ within my own life. How will others see me; a Jesus freak? (Oh and by the way we will not even mention the fear that people will uncover that I am really a phony, full of air, and able to pop with the slightest touch; who am I to speak on God’s behalf.) But I am reminded over and over again, that if I hear the call and do not respond, it is not only me that suffers, but my friends, my neighbors and the world. If I am given words to say, a life of joy and enthusiasm for Jesus, and I repress it, than no one gets the benefit of the message. And when we, collectively, decide we will not take up our call, than that is compounded a million times! What kind of world will we then have? Should we be surprised of the world we live in now? Lately I have been looking for a bumper sticker that says, “If not you, then who?” And so in the Parable this week, I have often wondered what would happen if at least one of them would have come back saying, “Um, I tried to make you some more and well, it didn’t go so good, so I actually have nothing to give back.” But I suppose that this is not even an option. That when one takes what they have been given, whatever the talent, and believe that it really, ultimately belongs to the Master, and takes care of that talent with passion and respect, there is no way that it will not multiply. That is part of this lesson, to believe, to live a life of passion for what you are hearing God say to you, and know that we are fertile ground and we will be more than we were at the beginning of this journey. As I close this day, I remember the words from the writings of Julian of Norwich, " ... All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well". And I hear God's gentle voice in my head saying, "Of course it will be."

Our Time is Limited

With all this talk about Saints and Souls, and then the readings of today, we are reminded that we have to be awake as we live this life. How we live our lives, and to what we deem as important is the very thing that God will judge us on. As we celebrated All Saints day we are reminded that Saints were people who somehow figured out how to be themselves, the person that God intended them to be despite their frailties and sins, and lived a good life, so much so that God intermingled with their lives so much that others around them were affected - healed by miracles. They certainly were not perfect, and a recurring theme throughout the lives of the saints is that they too believed that they were not worthy. How many times do we tell ourselves that we are not Saints, that we don't have what it takes to be one, and so we go back to sleep accepting what the world will give us and turn away from what God offers us. All we have to do is look around and we can see how we are not accepting blessings from God, the condition of the world, our towns, our neighborhoods and our families are a reflection of what we deem as important, and God does not want for us what we are living. He has something so much better in mind.

But then the question comes, what can I do about it? The task at hand seems so overwhelming, we sometimes feel that all we can do is try to be a good person and hope that this is enough. But God tells us over and over again that it is NOT enough. That if we want to be one of the chosen ones, if we really do want to live all of eternity in His presence, than we have to quiet the voices that want to convince us that we can't make a change, take a deep breath and get to work on building the Kingdom of God today. The Kingdom is available if we just get busy bringing it about. But the Devil is a cunning one, and he is hard at work making us feel that we are not good enough. The more we try to do good, the harder the Deciever works to make us feel like we are nothing. But we must listen to God who tells us that we are everything!

Today on All Souls Day, we are reminded not only that there is no separation from us and those that have gone before us, but also that our time is limited, and we must ask ourselves of what we want to be remembered for? What mark will we leave on this world? Don't let the Deceiver get the best part of you! The Devil's job is to drown out the voice of God in our lives, and he is doing his job very well. Pray to hear God's voice, and that voice, we are reminded by Saints and Souls, is saying how GOOD you are and that YOU can make a difference. Fill your lamps with God's oil, by doing what is right, by speaking when you need to, by commanding that the Devil's voice be quieted in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord who paid the price for our freedom; freedom from the oppression of evil. But we have to do our part, because as Paul asks the early followers in today's 2nd reading, "Are you unaware that we who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?" We are intermingled with suffering and resurrection, we are called to be uncomfortable in the truth, and it is only by our death that we too may share in the resurrection. Can you imagine a morning of such bright light? The day that we embrace this fact and live a fearless life.