Letting Go of the Net

I have been quiet, especially in this blog this year. It is hard to believe, when I think back on the enthusiasm that once ran through my whole being about the opportunity to share this gift of faith.  The problem is, I don’t think that I ever realized what a “gift” it was, and in so many ways, we do so little for this great gift and that it is all about God’s grace.

In the last few years I can honestly say that I have had the pleasure of having a “relationship” with God. A relationship that goes back and forth, I hear God speaking to me, and I truly listen. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense to me, but I forge on ahead, in a way, blindly believing what I hear. There have been way too many incidences in which God has made himself known to me, I really can’t think that I am crazy, though I have often used it at the beginning of my conversations, when I suffer from fear of being judged.  There is not a day that I don’t feel close to God, that He is with me, though like any good parent, he tries to teach the listen, give the advice and in the end it is ultimately up to me if love will come to life with action.

In the past year, I have heard God speak to me very much about my future, it didn’t really have a “game plan” now that I look back, just a promise of salvation and an opportunity to be with Him and others as we rebuild His church.  I heard Him tell me to “follow Him”, I really wanted to, for maybe the first time in my life, I could truly say that I LOVED God, in a relationship, not just because it felt that this is what we say, especially if we are working in the Church.  But then He brought me one step closer …. He told me that I would have to “drop my net”. 

For a long time I was so dissatisfied with my life and in the work I was doing.  But mostly, I was ashamed at the deceitful way I was living, often telling people what they wanted to hear so that I could keep my life comfortable. It began to be clear to me that, not only was it not fair to me and keeping me in sin, it wasn’t fair to those around me. Though I was in many, many instances telling people the truth of how I felt or understood things, it was my actions that spoke louder than my words and they didn’t add up.  I felt literally torn in half, and the more I was falling in love with Jesus, the more torn I was. 

Last summer, my father passed away.  I had always dreaded even the thought of losing a parent, I had never experienced it before, and how was I going to act.  I was my father’s health care proxy, and so during the process I felt very responsible for decisions I would have to make on my father’s behalf.  By some grace, during those last final days, I found strength and peace that I thought were impossible for me, and maybe even more impossible for our relationship.  I have to say, other than the birth of my son, I felt God’s presence, as sure as if He were sitting in the chair next to me.  My father, had a day before he passed, in which he was very coherent, and he was able to take the time and speak to each one of us, and in his amazingly humble way (sadly caused my his inability to recognize his own worth in this life) relieved my pain of thinking that he thought I didn’t love him because of the decisions I had made in the last few years. It wasn’t what I would have asked for, but it sure was what I needed to hear. I knew that my father loved me, but I also know that love can only be given within a person’s capacity.  During the last days of his life, he showed us that God was there, especially when he received the Eucharist for the last time on this earth, my father’s eyes were straight ahead, and radiated love so pure – I had only seen this one time before, and that was in my son’s eyes the evening I believe he said goodbye to the angels that delivered him to my care.  God was sitting in the room with us, and they, meaning the Holy Trinity and Mary were there to finally bring my father home … his earthly life had been hard, especially hard was his relationships with his own parents, and I knew that Mary, the mother of us all, was there to really show him true love.  It was so life changing to be in that room those few days. I knew that I couldn’t go back to the life I was living … that it was not just time to “follow Jesus” but to drop my net.

It wasn’t long after, that all the pieces fell into place, and it was time to leave a job, that in so many ways, I loved.  But perhaps more importantly, placed my identity in.  I had white knuckled it so long on the ledge, that I was tired, and in a split second, released all my fingers and fell back, hoping to be caught by God or to at least provide some cushion for the landing. I let it all go.

In my prayer life, I feel close to the first disciples, probably saying much of the same words that they did …. “Where are we going Jesus?”  “Why would you want to go there Jesus?” “Are you sure that these are the people you want us to help Jesus?”  “When are you going to use your mighty God power and make life right for us Jesus?” “I am not worthy Jesus.”  “Oh I will never abandon you Jesus!” “Of course I love you Jesus” Even when I hear myself say these phrases I think I am the first to utter them, but it doesn’t take long to realize that I am not. That so many have gone before me asking the same questions.

I think when I started this blog, I was really unaware of all the things that I didn’t, and still don’t have answers to.  What is this gift of faith, why do some people just seem to have it and others struggle so much with it?  What can I do to help those who struggle with their faith come to know and love God more? After all I am the “Director of Young Adult Ministry for the Diocese of Ogdensburg” shouldn’t I be able to bring others to Jesus, to the church or at least to World Youth Day?!  

Faith is a journey, a relationship that begins with someone who treats you a little bit like Jesus would.  And like all relationships in involves trust, interaction, asking for forgiveness when necessary, and action and sometimes -- sacrifice.  When we love someone on this earth it is amazing when we think of what we will do to show them that we love them. It is the same with our relationship with God. When I was young, I was fortunate to meet so many people who, when I look back, where Jesus to me and helped me to understand his love for me and for others. Who taught me what was required to be a follower of Jesus and who were “in it” with me so that I would eventually see that I could be Jesus for someone else.  It is time for me to take on the role more fully, and I am much more aware, that I am called to live as a believer in a way that would make others also want to know Jesus.  Like always, it means to put the fear aside and get at it!

Our culture thrives from people being afraid to talk about God and what He has done for them in their lives, that there is really no other way to live but to love God and to love others, especially those who are oppressed.  The Church is in such a state of change, not in the changes some people have been waiting for, women clergy, gay marriage, etc. etc. but fundamental change – the change within our own hearts, that opens are vision to ourselves in relationship WITH God, no longer on our own,an opportunity to love God with open hands, knowing that He is with us!

 

Epiphany – God’s Way of Saying “Get Moving!”

I Googled “Epiphany” images and found this one and thought how wonderful it was. This small child certainly looks like he/she has had an “epiphany” and I thought how much this picture symbolizes what we should be like when we think about the miraculous event of Christmas; that God has loved us so much that He sent his only begotten son to live among us and to teach us what it means to be a son or daughter of God.  I don’t know about you, but I want to be like this when I encounter Jesus in my life. Like the shepherds and the wise men, have we seen our star; that light that calls us out of our comfort zone, that thing that gives us hope that our lives can be different – better?  We all have something inside of us that leaves us yearning for something more, searching for meaning of our existence and I think that God gives us the light in the darkness, but so often we ignore that it is God. God calls us, just like the shepherds and the wise men to get moving – to find the treasure that lies beneath the star that God shines brightly for each one of us. We all reach our Epiphany at different times, in different ways, God has a journey for each one of us and He offers the greatest gift, if we will take the journey, trust in Him and believe that God is truly with us.

Thankful for the Beginning of Metanoia

Usually the writings of this blog are inspired by the readings for the upcoming week, but this week I plan to do something a little different. I am coming back from a few days off, celebrating the Thanksgiving week with my family, which has truly left me feeling humbled and blessed. Although we don’t have the numbers that other families are blessed with, as we sat around our small table (in our pajamas this year) we realized that we had so much to be Thankful for. Among those things, is the opportunity to be the Director of Young Adult Ministry and a family that is as dedicated as I am. A mother who jumps in and takes care of so much so that my dream can be realized to work for the church, while maintaining a job that also is very fulfilling is enough to be thankful for. And thankful for such a good son who understands why sometimes I have to be away, and already at the age of 12 understands that people need to stand up for what we believe in, even if that means he goes to bed without my kiss or hugs some nights. A am humbled to be a single mother and somehow can keep our life going, when I am well aware that in other countries the plight of single mothers is to beg on the street for any morsel of food, or to even sell your child in hopes that this little one will have a better life somewhere outside your arms. “Only by the grace of God go I” is my mantra.

I am grateful for the beautiful women I met on our first Metanoia retreat and the wonderful people, especially Fr. Al Hauser, who jumped in and made it happen as I was wrestling with the devil. Without him, or the Kilians, the retreat would not have been possible. I want to talk too, about the power of God, when two or three gathered there He is in our midst and it has never been so powerful for me as it was during the Metanoia retreat. So much so, that when it was over, I, like the first disciples, found myself wanting to hide in the upper room -- in awe and wondering of what the real meaning of the experience meant; not only to me but to the future of our church.  I want to make it clear, that it had nothing to do with me, it was purely God.  It wasn’t an experience of something that will change everything in itself, but it was a seed of something that could grow so powerful. In so many ways, in the experiencing of the retreat, it became something different than I even dreamed about when the planning of this event began. For me, the power of God’s presence and the insistent presence of the devil within me left me in a place in which I will forever be changed.  There were so many factors that could have stopped this retreat from happening that when I list them all I wonder how it actually got off the ground, but it did. I knew it before but I am even more convinced than ever, that God will always win over evil if we merely help the fight. It is by no coincidence, though I didn’t put it all together, that the first Metanoia retreat was held the weekend of Christ the King. But I also know how weak we are, even when we don’t want to be.  The most beautiful element of the retreat is that the participants were able to just “be” with God, one of the things that we often forget to do. We spoke of the demands of the world, how we get our appreciation and self worth from what we “do” and in God’s eyes, He loves us simply because we “are”. If only we could see ourselves as God sees us!! Thank you to Jamie, Samantha, Carmel, Jen and Kelley for saying "yes" to the unknown, and for sharing of yourselves to our first small group.

As we anticipate the birth of the Christ-child, we are reminded to envelope ourselves in “silent nights” – to simply just meditate on our lives, that are often lived in darkness and in a state of loneliness. If we can reach deep down into ourselves and be honest, how we could get to the end of Advent with such a yearning for Christ to enter our lives in a whole new way, with both hands wanting to hold that Christ baby in loving embrace – and oh how he would love to share his wondrous joy with us, no more darkness, no more loneliness and a promise to walk beside us, all the days of our lives.

This week as we prepare for the Solemnity of Christ the King, we are reminded that it is through our dealings with those who are hungry, who are thirsty and who are held captive that reflects how we deal with God Himself. For the last couple of weeks we have been reflecting on the light and the darkness, how Jesus has taken us out of the darkness and brought us into light, into a new life; and with that new life, it is up to us to go and do God’s work, to feed the hungry and give drink to the thirsty. I think though, we often take this literally, as in some ways we should; it is our responsibility to change the lives of the poor, and to feed those who literally do not have food. But as I once again hear this reading I am reminded of my early days in youth and campus ministry.  When I decided to commit myself to church ministry as my career, I envisioned myself working with the poor. I was in fact, hoping to go to a country like El Salvador to work with the poor and to even risk my life for the message of Christ. However, God seemed to have different plans for me, and I became a Youth Minister in Kentucky and then a Campus Minister in Mississippi and in my entire ministry found myself ministering to children and families that were not poor at all. It was a big shock for me, as I began my ministry career because the parishioners seemed to have lives bigger than I had ever experienced. The youth in my ministry lived in very large houses, in beautiful sub-divisions and had all of the latest gadgets at the time. You were invited to big parties and parishes were new and beautiful. They seemed like the last people who needed food and drink. But as I reflect back on the experience, I was reminded over and over again of just how hungry, thirsty and lost so many of them were. As part of my Campus Ministry at Ole Miss we brought college age students to the missions in Saltillo, Mexico. The people there needed the basics of life, and yet they had so much that we did not have. The experience would make everyone of us who participated in this trip question who exactly is hungry and thirsty.  Sometimes it is much more glamorous for us to sell everything and move to Africa than to see the needs in our own backyard and begin ministering there. We cannot let ourselves be fooled by not hearing the inner cries of those who seem to have everything on the outside and are starving and dying of thirst inside.  

 With the decline of participation in our parishes, especially by Young Adults, we are a missionary church. The need for our church today, I believe, is the conversion of hearts, one heart at a time; being transformed by a personal connection with Jesus. In a world in which our basics are not in question, we are less likely to turn to God, because , let’s face it, it is in hardships and struggles that we move ourselves closer to God, crying for his assistance, His mercy and / or His forgiveness.  We are a people in great spiritual need, and we are so thirsty and so hungry for the living God within our lives that we do not know how to satisfy that need. We grasp at everything we think may satisfy us, but we never are.

We must ask ourselves, am I spiritually feeding others around me; do I move others in the direction of the living waters?  Do I wrap people in the warmth of God when I interact with them? Do I show them the consolation that God offers each one of us?  This is a much more difficult task than handing someone a bottle of water.  So this week, work to stop poverty, but do not overlook the poverty that may be within the person’s life next to you.  Watch how you interact with others so that you will leave God with them when you walk away. 

Humility is a strange thing; once you think you got it, you've lost it!

This week it is important for us church workers to hear the words of Jesus. Jesus says, “ They preach but they do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they will not lift a finger to move them. All their works are performed to be seen… they love places of honor…”  Church work tends to, if being honest, connect us to our humble side. When we are honest with ourselves, we know that the power comes from God, that left alone we can really muck things up. When we have an awesome meeting, or encounter, when we are inspired and are able to somehow bring that inspiration to life, we must understand that the power is from God and that He is working through us to touch the people that have been placed in our care. But Church workers are human, and like everyone else we want to be recognized for the hard work that we put into it, the long hours and the sacrifices in our personal lives in order to do God’s work. But we have to be careful, because even though we are doing “God’s work” we have to know that we are more than the actions that we do, and that God loves us, no matter what we do or don’t do, the successes and the failures, even in the moments when we feel defeated and discouraged. We have to watch that we don’t see ourselves different than those we serve, our common denominator is that we are all broken in some ways and all glorious in others. We have a lot to learn from those we serve. Jesus also reminds us that we have to be living this Christian life as well as spreading the Good News. This week at Religious Ed classes, the children and I talked about what a Christian should look like … and we all decided that a Christian who is really living out the Good News should look happy and joyful, not all depressed and down, after all our actions maybe the only Gospel someone encounters. We should be showing people how awesome life can be with God, not that life is easy but that our lives show hope for something more. 

We work hard to help others experience a conversion,(Metanoia) but sometimes we have to slow down a little bit, and not place heavy burdens on the shoulders of others, especially if we are not going to “lift a finger to move them”, as Jesus says. We continually have to be mindful that conversion is hard, and scary and sometimes almost impossible in a world like ours, but we have to help people see that they are not alone. After all, we know from the readings the past few weeks, that the key is love, to love as Jesus did, in the role of the patient, self sacrificing servant. “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled; but whoever humbles himself will be exalted”.

As I was writing this, another thought drifted in. Perhaps it is important for us to pat our church workers on the back, not because the event or class went perfectly, perhaps it is simply so that person will not be starved for recognition and begin to work in a way that satisfies that need instead of the needs of parishioners.  Perhaps it is important for us to stop our church volunteers and staff, and say thank you and give them a little love, perhaps it will make all the difference in the world. This upcoming week the North Country Catholic will be publishing the Priest Appreciation Issue, take time to thank those that keep our Church going, in an imperfect world, that is dying to know God.

It’s All About Love

When Jesus replied that this Commandment was the greatest, he did sure challenge those around him and everyone else to come after. What does it mean to Love God with ALL our heart? Have you ever really thought  about it? If we love God above all else, there really is no need for the rest of the Commandments, because if I love God I will always be honest, I will always treat my neighbor with the upmost respect, I will respect my parents and all elderly, even if they haven’t always respected me, I will not live in a world that is an eye for an eye. I will do what is right, not because of some rule, but because I am totally in love with Abba – the God in which I have this unbelievable close relationship with.

When we love someone, really love them, their interest is always first and foremost on our mind. And so it is with our relationship with God. To live in justice means that I will offer to others what I know God would want for them, therefore putting God’s and his people’s interests first. With experience of living this way I will know that I live in real joy and happiness, and that doesn’t mean that life will be easy and abundant of the things of the world (remember last week’s reading?)

But Jesus doesn’t just say that this is a nice thing to do, it is the #1 Commandment, and so there is more of an emphasis that choosing to put God’s best interest first is all wrapped up in our salvation. I wonder what that means for the world in the year 2011. So many times people believe that as long as you are a “nice” person you will get to Heaven.  If I walked into a closet today, and stayed there until my death, I could say that I lived a life without hurting anyone, without saying anything that offended anyone, I was not involved in political arguments, and I did not lie, cheat, murder, covet, nor take the Lord’s name in vain – will I then go to Heaven? Or will I be asked why I didn’t feel responsible to make the world better, to bring God’s word to the hopeless or comfort the sick? While God is a loving God, I believe that he is a just God – and that while I was not a problem on earth, I did nothing to help in the creation of the Kingdom of God here on earth, now. Would I go to heaven? Or perhaps, I spent my life, continually putting myself out there, wanting to serve God, but sometimes failed and had to pick myself back up. Maybe sometimes within my zeal to speak God’s word I offended someone, or didn’t say something just right, but could make up for it with an apology – would I go to Heaven?

Do we really believe in the prospect of living with God for all eternity? Many times in this age, people don’t live with the hope of salvation primarily in their mind.  I think many people, myself included, go throughout our day, not really aware of how our actions will get us to -- or keep us from Heaven.  I believe there is life after this one with God, in which we will be reunited with those we love, and not only will we be reunited but we will see them for who they truly are and we will be seen by others for all that we truly all – we will shine with the brightness that God intended for us.

This week, let’s pay attention of our love for God, let it surround us and let us pray that we may experience God in every thought, word and deed. Let us truly - Go, and serve the Lord.

The Problem with Conversion

Lately I have been thinking about conversion, (can’t imagine why? Check out the Metanoia Movement) and I think that God has graciously given me some new insights. What is the problem with conversion? Why is it that when God promises us a new life, we hesitate and swim in the familiar misery that we call our life?

While God calls us to something different, and for sure more fulfilling that what we have going on now, we tend to be afraid of that which we do not know. I think that when we talk about creating a new spark in the church of today, we can’t help but ask ourselves, what is the problem, who wouldn’t want in on this thing? But then I got a hint of why we wouldn’t. In today’s world we see ourselves so much different than God, our creator sees us. We immerse ourselves in what the world deems as success. We work hard, we try to give our kids everything that they need to “keep up” and we judge ourselves, on a standard that we will never achieve.  We allow our “ego” to tell us what is good and bad about us, but we should realize that the ego is never satisfied, it has an insatiable hunger for everything. More, more, more is the mantra of the ego. And when we look ourselves through the lens of the ego, we tell ourselves that we are not enough. There is always something missing. And so, how can we really believe that God would love me with such an immense love? How can I really feel that love, and live my life from that place? It seems like something that I could never achieve, at least for any sustained time that it would actually change my life. In these times, love is elusive, and with everyone working on the greater of good of the “I”, when do we get to learn the meaning of real love, there just isn’t very many opportunities to have some concrete experience of anything that may resemble the love God has for us.

And then there is a problem with meeting God in the core of my being, if I ever do get a chance to meet God there, because then I will really have to move to something else in my life. I will have to clear out the cobwebs of all the places within myself that I have been avoiding for a long time, and it might hurt. It will, at the very least, require me to change things about how I am living my life, with no guarantee that I won’t be standing here alone, holding up a real mess. I think that it is scary to have a real conversion experience, its kind of like shopping at Wal-Mart. I remember reading all the terrible things that Wal-Mart does to its employees, and how they really take advantage of those who manufacture or produce certain items. For Wal-Mart it is the bottom line, no matter what. How many of us have thought that it probably isn’t the best to shop at Wal-Mart. In my rural town, Wal-Mart has been a part of shutting down local businesses because they couldn’t compete with the prices of buying in bulk. But what happens if you decide that you will no longer shop at Wal-Mart, you will pay more money for some items, shopping may not be as convenient, and for some towns, Wal-Mart is the only game in town! So we find ourselves shopping at Wal-Mart. Conversion I think is similar. If we were to look at the teachings of the Church (which I believe are more right than wrong), we might find that we married the wrong person, or that we are parenting in a way that hurts our children more than helps them; we might feel that our conversations with our co-workers or our friends aren’t worth having, we might even lose friends; perhaps our job is in conflict with the teachings of the Church, maybe our family members won’t support us, etc. When we shift our thinking, let alone our actions, there are consequences, and sometimes those consequences can be overwhelming. Sometimes we find that in this world, with so much hurting, and inequality it is just easier to shut our eyes, it just gets too much …we are afraid that we will be alone, that people will think that we are “high and mighty”, that our kids will be laughed at, and on and on, (plug in your own fears here) that beginning the change, even just going to church can be a daunting task. But we seldom think, that if I don’t jump off this ledge I am living on, I could lose my soul! I could lose my children’s soul! I could lose my place in heaven! That is the real consequence by not taking this invitation to conversion, this invitation to love God and to allow Him to love me, just the way I am. But my ego keeps reminding me that I am not enough. How then, do we commit ourselves to God, every moment of everyday?

This week Jesus tells us to give Caesar what is Caesar’s and to give God what is God’s. We have to remind one another that we belong to God. It is only through LOVE that we will know that love, without judgments, with a sense of community; we have to be here for each other when we decide to open the gate of the one we have fenced in, deep within ourselves that we decided was not worthy to be loved, not really loved. Today, so many people settle for all the empty promises of the world, those things that will never satisfy.  I think that we find the love of God in the commitment to one another that we will not be alone when we open our can of worms, because all of our lives are holy messes, and it is in the courage of sharing our messes that we will be set straight. Let us pray for one another, and for our conversion because God needs us to be light for one another, He has faith in us, and He is very patient.

A Prayer for the Week..

Image by Michael 1952 via FlickrLike the five thousand people you fed,
we run to your holy mountain,
relishing your rich gifts
filling up our
starving
souls,

You, the infinitely-more-than-enough,
just like the left-over baskets.

You tell us,
feed the hungry, end war, stop injustice,
accept ourselves
the way we
are.

With your food
we can.

Borrowed from The Center for Liturgy at http://liturgy.slu.edu/18OrdA073111/main.html

Reaching out to God's Abundant Gifts

Image via Wikipedia

Reaching out seems to be the theme of my days lately. Being that I am pretty independent (probably to a fault) God is helping me to realize that I really do need others, not only in my home life or my work life but also in my spiritual life. I long for moments when I am able to share, both talking about, and listening to others talk about, God's great work in their life. Lately I have been meeting so many people who have shared their stories with me and I am so grateful. Every day, I hear God saying to me, "Reach Out".

In the readings for this week, we continue to hear about Jesus' public ministry, and how this crowd always seems to be around Him. What struck me this week, is the fact that the disciples were concerned about the crowd being hungry, and ask Jesus to dismiss them so they can go themselves something to eat. Jesus very nicely tells the disciples that they don't need to send them to get food for themselves, that they are, in a sense, responsible to feed them. Something all of us could learn. For me, it reminded me that in ministry, we feed people, and sometimes, maybe even most times, we are not convinced that we have enough to feed all the people that are around us. I often get anxious, and think, "What do I have to say?" or "How can I help people see God in their everyday life, enough for them to be inspired to dedicate themselves in the continual building of the kingdom?" Most days, I just don't feel like I am enough. But then I remember that God did make me enough, if I only believe in his greatness, and that God wouldn't ask me to do something that He didn't prepare me for or in which He is not ready to give me everything I need to be successful. (Last weeks readings tell us that.) The question is, do I have enough faith to believe it? Do I have enough faith to believe in the words I hear in Romans this week:

What will separate us from the love of Christ?
Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or peril, or the sword?
No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly
through him who loved us.

Not even my own fears can separate me from the love of my Father in Heaven! God waits for me patiently, gently loving me until I can get over myself and get going on the work at hand. Always loving me perfectly. Today I heard a quote from Meister Eckhart that went something like...”I pray to God to get rid of "God". That is … to get rid of the God that lives in my head - that is comprehensible by my human brain which is so limited (and at times keeps me from the real God that is incomprehensible)doesn't really allow me to experience the immense Love that God is pouring to me. It is like the loaves and the fishes in the gospel this week, we think that there is not enough, I am not enough, the Church is not enough, the love I have in my life is not enough, and somehow, when our lives can be offered to our Father, we find that we have had more than we needed to be satisfied. Faith that all things work for good for those who love God.

I am thirsty, and each day is a step closer to the well and the life abundant that God has in store for me.

Take the Treasure or Buy the Field?

Image by quadrapop via Flickr

In the reading for the upcoming Sunday, Jesus tells more parables.  Jesus tells the disciples that:  “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure that is buried in a field, which a person finds and hides again, and out of joy goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” I think that it is really important for the young church to hear these words from Jesus. I think that we walk around this world thinking that things are going to come easy. Or we at least hope that they will. But Jesus is very clear, that the person who found the buried treasure didn’t just take it on the sly and run with it. He or she actually reburied it and went and sold all that he/she had and bought the field. This really makes the buried treasure rightfully his or hers.  Finding God or a Church that becomes a sacrament of Jesus for us, is really something that we have to sell all we have for. We have to give up all the things that we thought our life would hold, and have trust in this faith of ours that God will break us open and make us new, and better than we ever thought we could be and our life could be and in turn a better world than we could ever imagine. Letting go of all our planning and scheming for our own life is scary, and it is so anti-cultural since our world tells us that we are the designers of our own destiny. Without that ultimate letting go we cannot become the person that God sees in us. God’s mind is so much wider and deeper than we can ever imagine.

I think that the question for us to ask ourselves, as the young people of our church is– what are we prepared to pay for that field that holds the kingdom of God? What are we willing to give our church so that it can be a reflection of God’s kingdom here on earth? As I said in other blog entries, we are not meant to do this religion thing alone, we are meant to reach out to those around us, and to give who we are so that in turn we can be the best of who we are.

Are we trying to sneak off with the buried treasure without buying the field?

Watch the movie, Of God and Men, totally worth living through the subtitles ... great example of men who bought the field!

Jesus - Is that You?

We live in a world where if you can't see it, smell it, touch it, taste it, it doesn't exist. We live where everything can be analyzed and tested in order to find out what a thing is made from. Most of us watch magicians and the like, knowing that there is some kind of trick to it, now they are not "magicians" but they are "illusionists", because really it is all based on illusions. When you start thinking about it, it is very interesting where we human being are needing the no nonsense truth, and where we are ok to be duped -- each and every time. (I am not even going to list examples, because I am sure that you can think of a time when you were quite happy with your illusion of a situation, not really wanting to acknowledge the truth).

And so we find ourselves, grappling for meaning in our lives, and we find ourselves in a church. Looking up for answers, a sign, anything. And we get .... quiet.  Real quiet. We go to Mass, sometimes we are in a better than usual mood and we find ourselves actually singing along with the music leader. On a real good day, we will actually respond back the response of the responsorial psalm and join in with the prayers. And then it happens...we see the priest holding up this round wafer (hey that one is bigger than the one I get) and what goes on in your head? Does the word ... "Transubstantiation” come to mind?  How can we align our hearts and our heads at this moment when Jesus himself becomes present with us in this Church, and comes to love and to heal and to encourage us to fulfill God's purpose for us?  And the thing about this, is that if we go through the motions at Mass, and we never ask ourselves, do I believe in the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist, the experience of Mass, and Church and community, will always be less than it could be, and what it could be is transformative.

The Eucharist is not a scientific fact, though I think that it could be proven that those who partake in the Eucharist often, are more apt to understand their relationship with themselves and the world better, that they experience more real joy, hope and peace. In John 20:29 Jesus says to Thomas, (the doubting one) "“Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”  For me Jesus words tell me a couple of things, that FAITH is needed to have a real relationship with Jesus, faith to know that He is with me at ALL times, in the happy and the sad, in the difficult and the easy. And that this faith helps me to realize that life is all mystery, I don't understand why the sun shines brightly, but I do not doubt that it will shine tomorrow when I lay down to sleep every night; I do not understand why someone will say just the right word to me to make me feel that I am understood. But it happens, everyday ... when I live in a way that is open to God's blessing and His grace.  I do not always feel the love of my child, but I know that it is there. The other thing that Jesus’ words tell me, is that blessed are we, who live in this world that continually tries to hide Jesus from us, blessed are we who are given the opportunity to rekindle the light of Christ in our Church! We are given the opportunity to SEE him again and to help others SEE Jesus, in you and me by how we move and have our being.

I KNOW that when I Eat of His bread, and Drink of His cup, I am changed, -- CHANGED! And when I am praying afterwards, I do not concentrate on the "WHY" or the “HOW” but I rejoice in the "THANK YOU", for the greatest gift that I could receive, that which will sustain me until He comes again in glory.

The Eucharist Makes Us Catholic!

  As we journey this week toward the Solemnity of the Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ on Sunday, we must reflect on what the Eucharist means to us. I think that it is hard for us to believe that this bread and wine that we partake in each Sunday (or at least have the opportunity to) is really Jesus. If we could wrap our minds around it, how would Sunday Mass and my life during the whole week be different? How would we act in our daily lives if we thought that on Sunday we would have a visit from Jesus himself, would we be more apt to live a life that he could be proud of? As a parent I often wonder if I taught my son well, so well that he would live our family values out in the world without me around. Does he live the values because he too understands and buys into them, or because he fears me? Do we sometimes live in a way that we think we can “sneak” around Jesus, like God is not with us every moment? I think that it is the same with our relationship with Jesus Christ. What would we do for Him? Because we have to remember that whatever we do in sacrifice for Jesus we obtain sevenfold for our own good through grace. Think about it, if today we are mindful of others, if we give what we can, if we are more gentle with the people God has given in our care, if we choose to do what is right, our life will be better -- not only our life, but the world will be better.

It is so important for us to remember that Jesus said, “I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever EATS this bread will live forever.” He didn’t say, “Whoever hangs out with me, will live for ever.” If we hang out with someone or something, it doesn’t really become a part of us, but when we eat something, that which we ate, is no longer visible, and the nutrients from the food enter each of our molecules in one form or another, and then we are different -- either healthy or not.  

We must get our heads and our hearts around this concept, that Jesus is present, really present, in the Eucharist, because the Eucharist, is one of those things that makes us REALLY CATHOLIC!  This week, attend a daily mass if possible, give Jesus a real try, consume Him and have Him consume you, walk this week like Jesus is standing next to you and that you are not alone. Make all decisions with Him.

Come back on Wednesday on ways to bring this into your parish!