Letting Go of the Net

I have been quiet, especially in this blog this year. It is hard to believe, when I think back on the enthusiasm that once ran through my whole being about the opportunity to share this gift of faith.  The problem is, I don’t think that I ever realized what a “gift” it was, and in so many ways, we do so little for this great gift and that it is all about God’s grace.

In the last few years I can honestly say that I have had the pleasure of having a “relationship” with God. A relationship that goes back and forth, I hear God speaking to me, and I truly listen. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense to me, but I forge on ahead, in a way, blindly believing what I hear. There have been way too many incidences in which God has made himself known to me, I really can’t think that I am crazy, though I have often used it at the beginning of my conversations, when I suffer from fear of being judged.  There is not a day that I don’t feel close to God, that He is with me, though like any good parent, he tries to teach the listen, give the advice and in the end it is ultimately up to me if love will come to life with action.

In the past year, I have heard God speak to me very much about my future, it didn’t really have a “game plan” now that I look back, just a promise of salvation and an opportunity to be with Him and others as we rebuild His church.  I heard Him tell me to “follow Him”, I really wanted to, for maybe the first time in my life, I could truly say that I LOVED God, in a relationship, not just because it felt that this is what we say, especially if we are working in the Church.  But then He brought me one step closer …. He told me that I would have to “drop my net”. 

For a long time I was so dissatisfied with my life and in the work I was doing.  But mostly, I was ashamed at the deceitful way I was living, often telling people what they wanted to hear so that I could keep my life comfortable. It began to be clear to me that, not only was it not fair to me and keeping me in sin, it wasn’t fair to those around me. Though I was in many, many instances telling people the truth of how I felt or understood things, it was my actions that spoke louder than my words and they didn’t add up.  I felt literally torn in half, and the more I was falling in love with Jesus, the more torn I was. 

Last summer, my father passed away.  I had always dreaded even the thought of losing a parent, I had never experienced it before, and how was I going to act.  I was my father’s health care proxy, and so during the process I felt very responsible for decisions I would have to make on my father’s behalf.  By some grace, during those last final days, I found strength and peace that I thought were impossible for me, and maybe even more impossible for our relationship.  I have to say, other than the birth of my son, I felt God’s presence, as sure as if He were sitting in the chair next to me.  My father, had a day before he passed, in which he was very coherent, and he was able to take the time and speak to each one of us, and in his amazingly humble way (sadly caused my his inability to recognize his own worth in this life) relieved my pain of thinking that he thought I didn’t love him because of the decisions I had made in the last few years. It wasn’t what I would have asked for, but it sure was what I needed to hear. I knew that my father loved me, but I also know that love can only be given within a person’s capacity.  During the last days of his life, he showed us that God was there, especially when he received the Eucharist for the last time on this earth, my father’s eyes were straight ahead, and radiated love so pure – I had only seen this one time before, and that was in my son’s eyes the evening I believe he said goodbye to the angels that delivered him to my care.  God was sitting in the room with us, and they, meaning the Holy Trinity and Mary were there to finally bring my father home … his earthly life had been hard, especially hard was his relationships with his own parents, and I knew that Mary, the mother of us all, was there to really show him true love.  It was so life changing to be in that room those few days. I knew that I couldn’t go back to the life I was living … that it was not just time to “follow Jesus” but to drop my net.

It wasn’t long after, that all the pieces fell into place, and it was time to leave a job, that in so many ways, I loved.  But perhaps more importantly, placed my identity in.  I had white knuckled it so long on the ledge, that I was tired, and in a split second, released all my fingers and fell back, hoping to be caught by God or to at least provide some cushion for the landing. I let it all go.

In my prayer life, I feel close to the first disciples, probably saying much of the same words that they did …. “Where are we going Jesus?”  “Why would you want to go there Jesus?” “Are you sure that these are the people you want us to help Jesus?”  “When are you going to use your mighty God power and make life right for us Jesus?” “I am not worthy Jesus.”  “Oh I will never abandon you Jesus!” “Of course I love you Jesus” Even when I hear myself say these phrases I think I am the first to utter them, but it doesn’t take long to realize that I am not. That so many have gone before me asking the same questions.

I think when I started this blog, I was really unaware of all the things that I didn’t, and still don’t have answers to.  What is this gift of faith, why do some people just seem to have it and others struggle so much with it?  What can I do to help those who struggle with their faith come to know and love God more? After all I am the “Director of Young Adult Ministry for the Diocese of Ogdensburg” shouldn’t I be able to bring others to Jesus, to the church or at least to World Youth Day?!  

Faith is a journey, a relationship that begins with someone who treats you a little bit like Jesus would.  And like all relationships in involves trust, interaction, asking for forgiveness when necessary, and action and sometimes -- sacrifice.  When we love someone on this earth it is amazing when we think of what we will do to show them that we love them. It is the same with our relationship with God. When I was young, I was fortunate to meet so many people who, when I look back, where Jesus to me and helped me to understand his love for me and for others. Who taught me what was required to be a follower of Jesus and who were “in it” with me so that I would eventually see that I could be Jesus for someone else.  It is time for me to take on the role more fully, and I am much more aware, that I am called to live as a believer in a way that would make others also want to know Jesus.  Like always, it means to put the fear aside and get at it!

Our culture thrives from people being afraid to talk about God and what He has done for them in their lives, that there is really no other way to live but to love God and to love others, especially those who are oppressed.  The Church is in such a state of change, not in the changes some people have been waiting for, women clergy, gay marriage, etc. etc. but fundamental change – the change within our own hearts, that opens are vision to ourselves in relationship WITH God, no longer on our own,an opportunity to love God with open hands, knowing that He is with us!

 

Thankful for the Beginning of Metanoia

Usually the writings of this blog are inspired by the readings for the upcoming week, but this week I plan to do something a little different. I am coming back from a few days off, celebrating the Thanksgiving week with my family, which has truly left me feeling humbled and blessed. Although we don’t have the numbers that other families are blessed with, as we sat around our small table (in our pajamas this year) we realized that we had so much to be Thankful for. Among those things, is the opportunity to be the Director of Young Adult Ministry and a family that is as dedicated as I am. A mother who jumps in and takes care of so much so that my dream can be realized to work for the church, while maintaining a job that also is very fulfilling is enough to be thankful for. And thankful for such a good son who understands why sometimes I have to be away, and already at the age of 12 understands that people need to stand up for what we believe in, even if that means he goes to bed without my kiss or hugs some nights. A am humbled to be a single mother and somehow can keep our life going, when I am well aware that in other countries the plight of single mothers is to beg on the street for any morsel of food, or to even sell your child in hopes that this little one will have a better life somewhere outside your arms. “Only by the grace of God go I” is my mantra.

I am grateful for the beautiful women I met on our first Metanoia retreat and the wonderful people, especially Fr. Al Hauser, who jumped in and made it happen as I was wrestling with the devil. Without him, or the Kilians, the retreat would not have been possible. I want to talk too, about the power of God, when two or three gathered there He is in our midst and it has never been so powerful for me as it was during the Metanoia retreat. So much so, that when it was over, I, like the first disciples, found myself wanting to hide in the upper room -- in awe and wondering of what the real meaning of the experience meant; not only to me but to the future of our church.  I want to make it clear, that it had nothing to do with me, it was purely God.  It wasn’t an experience of something that will change everything in itself, but it was a seed of something that could grow so powerful. In so many ways, in the experiencing of the retreat, it became something different than I even dreamed about when the planning of this event began. For me, the power of God’s presence and the insistent presence of the devil within me left me in a place in which I will forever be changed.  There were so many factors that could have stopped this retreat from happening that when I list them all I wonder how it actually got off the ground, but it did. I knew it before but I am even more convinced than ever, that God will always win over evil if we merely help the fight. It is by no coincidence, though I didn’t put it all together, that the first Metanoia retreat was held the weekend of Christ the King. But I also know how weak we are, even when we don’t want to be.  The most beautiful element of the retreat is that the participants were able to just “be” with God, one of the things that we often forget to do. We spoke of the demands of the world, how we get our appreciation and self worth from what we “do” and in God’s eyes, He loves us simply because we “are”. If only we could see ourselves as God sees us!! Thank you to Jamie, Samantha, Carmel, Jen and Kelley for saying "yes" to the unknown, and for sharing of yourselves to our first small group.

As we anticipate the birth of the Christ-child, we are reminded to envelope ourselves in “silent nights” – to simply just meditate on our lives, that are often lived in darkness and in a state of loneliness. If we can reach deep down into ourselves and be honest, how we could get to the end of Advent with such a yearning for Christ to enter our lives in a whole new way, with both hands wanting to hold that Christ baby in loving embrace – and oh how he would love to share his wondrous joy with us, no more darkness, no more loneliness and a promise to walk beside us, all the days of our lives.

So it is 11 days until the Young Adult Retreat “Metanoia” will be held.  I continue to pray for those who may be hearing God’s call to get a hold of a registration form. I think I have invited everyone that has come across my path, and have begged those around me to do the same, and so now we wait.  Like the girls in the last Sunday’s readings, I am making sure that the lamps are burning bright and that there is plenty of oil in case we wait a long time and the lamps need to be refilled. We are ready! 

And then I read the readings for this coming Sunday . . . Mt 25; 14-30 The Parable of the Talents.  I find comfort in this reading after a few hours of meditating on it, but not at first. I tend to be like the third worker, if you give me something to hold on to, I will take good care of it -- but I am not so sure that I would go and gamble it away hoping to be able to give you more when you get back. I am probably going to hope that you are happy with me that whatever it is, is returned in the same condition you gave it to me. But in this parable it is easy to see that God expects more from us than that. God has given us all of our talents, everything we have, especially our faith, and I suppose that God, as told to us through Jesus, expects us to spread the Good News. In spreading the news, we will work with God in the conversion of souls.  I suppose that is why we should not be content with merely our own salvation. Since God gives us everything, even our reputation, the fact that people think we are good, trustworthy, etc. I risk that mainstream reputation when I take on a further call to spread the Good News as it is lived out in my own gospel, the experience of Jesus Christ within my own life. How will others see me; a Jesus freak? (Oh and by the way we will not even mention the fear that people will uncover that I am really a phony, full of air, and able to pop with the slightest touch; who am I to speak on God’s behalf.) But I am reminded over and over again, that if I hear the call and do not respond, it is not only me that suffers, but my friends, my neighbors and the world. If I am given words to say, a life of joy and enthusiasm for Jesus, and I repress it, than no one gets the benefit of the message. And when we, collectively, decide we will not take up our call, than that is compounded a million times! What kind of world will we then have? Should we be surprised of the world we live in now? Lately I have been looking for a bumper sticker that says, “If not you, then who?” And so in the Parable this week, I have often wondered what would happen if at least one of them would have come back saying, “Um, I tried to make you some more and well, it didn’t go so good, so I actually have nothing to give back.” But I suppose that this is not even an option. That when one takes what they have been given, whatever the talent, and believe that it really, ultimately belongs to the Master, and takes care of that talent with passion and respect, there is no way that it will not multiply. That is part of this lesson, to believe, to live a life of passion for what you are hearing God say to you, and know that we are fertile ground and we will be more than we were at the beginning of this journey. As I close this day, I remember the words from the writings of Julian of Norwich, " ... All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well". And I hear God's gentle voice in my head saying, "Of course it will be."

The Problem with Conversion

Lately I have been thinking about conversion, (can’t imagine why? Check out the Metanoia Movement) and I think that God has graciously given me some new insights. What is the problem with conversion? Why is it that when God promises us a new life, we hesitate and swim in the familiar misery that we call our life?

While God calls us to something different, and for sure more fulfilling that what we have going on now, we tend to be afraid of that which we do not know. I think that when we talk about creating a new spark in the church of today, we can’t help but ask ourselves, what is the problem, who wouldn’t want in on this thing? But then I got a hint of why we wouldn’t. In today’s world we see ourselves so much different than God, our creator sees us. We immerse ourselves in what the world deems as success. We work hard, we try to give our kids everything that they need to “keep up” and we judge ourselves, on a standard that we will never achieve.  We allow our “ego” to tell us what is good and bad about us, but we should realize that the ego is never satisfied, it has an insatiable hunger for everything. More, more, more is the mantra of the ego. And when we look ourselves through the lens of the ego, we tell ourselves that we are not enough. There is always something missing. And so, how can we really believe that God would love me with such an immense love? How can I really feel that love, and live my life from that place? It seems like something that I could never achieve, at least for any sustained time that it would actually change my life. In these times, love is elusive, and with everyone working on the greater of good of the “I”, when do we get to learn the meaning of real love, there just isn’t very many opportunities to have some concrete experience of anything that may resemble the love God has for us.

And then there is a problem with meeting God in the core of my being, if I ever do get a chance to meet God there, because then I will really have to move to something else in my life. I will have to clear out the cobwebs of all the places within myself that I have been avoiding for a long time, and it might hurt. It will, at the very least, require me to change things about how I am living my life, with no guarantee that I won’t be standing here alone, holding up a real mess. I think that it is scary to have a real conversion experience, its kind of like shopping at Wal-Mart. I remember reading all the terrible things that Wal-Mart does to its employees, and how they really take advantage of those who manufacture or produce certain items. For Wal-Mart it is the bottom line, no matter what. How many of us have thought that it probably isn’t the best to shop at Wal-Mart. In my rural town, Wal-Mart has been a part of shutting down local businesses because they couldn’t compete with the prices of buying in bulk. But what happens if you decide that you will no longer shop at Wal-Mart, you will pay more money for some items, shopping may not be as convenient, and for some towns, Wal-Mart is the only game in town! So we find ourselves shopping at Wal-Mart. Conversion I think is similar. If we were to look at the teachings of the Church (which I believe are more right than wrong), we might find that we married the wrong person, or that we are parenting in a way that hurts our children more than helps them; we might feel that our conversations with our co-workers or our friends aren’t worth having, we might even lose friends; perhaps our job is in conflict with the teachings of the Church, maybe our family members won’t support us, etc. When we shift our thinking, let alone our actions, there are consequences, and sometimes those consequences can be overwhelming. Sometimes we find that in this world, with so much hurting, and inequality it is just easier to shut our eyes, it just gets too much …we are afraid that we will be alone, that people will think that we are “high and mighty”, that our kids will be laughed at, and on and on, (plug in your own fears here) that beginning the change, even just going to church can be a daunting task. But we seldom think, that if I don’t jump off this ledge I am living on, I could lose my soul! I could lose my children’s soul! I could lose my place in heaven! That is the real consequence by not taking this invitation to conversion, this invitation to love God and to allow Him to love me, just the way I am. But my ego keeps reminding me that I am not enough. How then, do we commit ourselves to God, every moment of everyday?

This week Jesus tells us to give Caesar what is Caesar’s and to give God what is God’s. We have to remind one another that we belong to God. It is only through LOVE that we will know that love, without judgments, with a sense of community; we have to be here for each other when we decide to open the gate of the one we have fenced in, deep within ourselves that we decided was not worthy to be loved, not really loved. Today, so many people settle for all the empty promises of the world, those things that will never satisfy.  I think that we find the love of God in the commitment to one another that we will not be alone when we open our can of worms, because all of our lives are holy messes, and it is in the courage of sharing our messes that we will be set straight. Let us pray for one another, and for our conversion because God needs us to be light for one another, He has faith in us, and He is very patient.

The Greatest Question Ever Asked...

Lately I have been reflecting on just what it means to be Catholic. It’s not an easy religious choice when you really think about it. Everything about being Catholic, when done fully and with conviction touches every part of your life. Being Catholic calls us not only in relationship with this Jesus that we profess, but it calls us into a relationship with the world that is very often against the teachings of Christ. This week, Jesus asks his disciples and each one of us, “Who do you say that I am?”. We know that our actions speak louder than words, and when you really come down to it, it is so easy to say what we know is right, and yet another to actually move our actions to align with our speech. When we read about the Saints and holy people, this is one common factor that they all possess, they were actually able to live their lives according to their beliefs and live what they preached, even in persecution and for many death.

As I reflect on this passage, it becomes clear to me that when Jesus asks me, “Who, Lorraine, do you say that I am? He is in part asking me what Jesus am I reflecting to the world. What Jesus am I bringing to the people in whom I meet each day? This then becomes much more a personal question to me than it ever had before. Do I proclaim my love for God without reservation? Do I work for justice without fear? Do I love my neighbor as myself?  When people meet me do they instantly know that I proclaim Jesus as my Lord? Unfortunately, and probably commonly, I have to admit that it is not 100%. Being Catholic calls me to proclaim not only Jesus message in speech, but it calls me to do so in action. All the world’s problems become my problems … daunting! I am my brother’s keeper.  

As I work to implement a Religious Education program in my parish, or begin my ministry for the Young Adults of the Diocese, I am reminded that all the people I will encounter need love and understanding. As much as I just want people to get in line and follow the program, it rarely happens that way. Each person we encounter has their own issues going on, and when you ask someone to go to church, or become involved, I have to realize that this asks much more from them than to be present. At least if it all works right. When someone walks into church, and participates in Communion with the Lord, they are asked to change. And that change is often HARD! Recently I had a conversation with coworkers about kid’s sports and what parents give up or compromise on so that their children will be part of the “team”. When someone takes the message of Jesus and the Church, we realize that the first “team” that we and our children belong to is God’s team, and being on that team asks you to go against so much of what the world holds true and important. We all have a need to belong, and in so many ways, being part of things like sports teams, is a tangible, quick fix to that need. Often, those of us in the Church do not portray our “team” to be one worth joining, as we say one thing and do another. But with the decline of people realizing that we are on God’s team, our families weaken, our churches weaken and shortly thereafter our society as a whole weakens; isn’t it evident?

Who are we saying Jesus is in our everyday life? Do we share the amazing things that He does in our lives with those around us? Can people look at us and see a person of faith and integrity? Do we allow Jesus to go before us in all we do, with amazing fearless faith in which he has given us? (Remember the reading a couple weeks ago in which Jesus tells us that if we believe we can actually walk on water?) Jesus asked Peter this question, and Peter replied, "You are the Christ!" And with that answer, Jesus builds His church on him. First and foremost we must proclaim Jesus as the Christ, the Son of God, calling us to deeper, more holy lives.

Today Jesus is asking…”Who do YOU say that I am?” What is your answer?

A Prayer for the Week..

Image by Michael 1952 via FlickrLike the five thousand people you fed,
we run to your holy mountain,
relishing your rich gifts
filling up our
starving
souls,

You, the infinitely-more-than-enough,
just like the left-over baskets.

You tell us,
feed the hungry, end war, stop injustice,
accept ourselves
the way we
are.

With your food
we can.

Borrowed from The Center for Liturgy at http://liturgy.slu.edu/18OrdA073111/main.html

Reaching out to God's Abundant Gifts

Image via Wikipedia

Reaching out seems to be the theme of my days lately. Being that I am pretty independent (probably to a fault) God is helping me to realize that I really do need others, not only in my home life or my work life but also in my spiritual life. I long for moments when I am able to share, both talking about, and listening to others talk about, God's great work in their life. Lately I have been meeting so many people who have shared their stories with me and I am so grateful. Every day, I hear God saying to me, "Reach Out".

In the readings for this week, we continue to hear about Jesus' public ministry, and how this crowd always seems to be around Him. What struck me this week, is the fact that the disciples were concerned about the crowd being hungry, and ask Jesus to dismiss them so they can go themselves something to eat. Jesus very nicely tells the disciples that they don't need to send them to get food for themselves, that they are, in a sense, responsible to feed them. Something all of us could learn. For me, it reminded me that in ministry, we feed people, and sometimes, maybe even most times, we are not convinced that we have enough to feed all the people that are around us. I often get anxious, and think, "What do I have to say?" or "How can I help people see God in their everyday life, enough for them to be inspired to dedicate themselves in the continual building of the kingdom?" Most days, I just don't feel like I am enough. But then I remember that God did make me enough, if I only believe in his greatness, and that God wouldn't ask me to do something that He didn't prepare me for or in which He is not ready to give me everything I need to be successful. (Last weeks readings tell us that.) The question is, do I have enough faith to believe it? Do I have enough faith to believe in the words I hear in Romans this week:

What will separate us from the love of Christ?
Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or peril, or the sword?
No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly
through him who loved us.

Not even my own fears can separate me from the love of my Father in Heaven! God waits for me patiently, gently loving me until I can get over myself and get going on the work at hand. Always loving me perfectly. Today I heard a quote from Meister Eckhart that went something like...”I pray to God to get rid of "God". That is … to get rid of the God that lives in my head - that is comprehensible by my human brain which is so limited (and at times keeps me from the real God that is incomprehensible)doesn't really allow me to experience the immense Love that God is pouring to me. It is like the loaves and the fishes in the gospel this week, we think that there is not enough, I am not enough, the Church is not enough, the love I have in my life is not enough, and somehow, when our lives can be offered to our Father, we find that we have had more than we needed to be satisfied. Faith that all things work for good for those who love God.

I am thirsty, and each day is a step closer to the well and the life abundant that God has in store for me.

Take the Treasure or Buy the Field?

Image by quadrapop via Flickr

In the reading for the upcoming Sunday, Jesus tells more parables.  Jesus tells the disciples that:  “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure that is buried in a field, which a person finds and hides again, and out of joy goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” I think that it is really important for the young church to hear these words from Jesus. I think that we walk around this world thinking that things are going to come easy. Or we at least hope that they will. But Jesus is very clear, that the person who found the buried treasure didn’t just take it on the sly and run with it. He or she actually reburied it and went and sold all that he/she had and bought the field. This really makes the buried treasure rightfully his or hers.  Finding God or a Church that becomes a sacrament of Jesus for us, is really something that we have to sell all we have for. We have to give up all the things that we thought our life would hold, and have trust in this faith of ours that God will break us open and make us new, and better than we ever thought we could be and our life could be and in turn a better world than we could ever imagine. Letting go of all our planning and scheming for our own life is scary, and it is so anti-cultural since our world tells us that we are the designers of our own destiny. Without that ultimate letting go we cannot become the person that God sees in us. God’s mind is so much wider and deeper than we can ever imagine.

I think that the question for us to ask ourselves, as the young people of our church is– what are we prepared to pay for that field that holds the kingdom of God? What are we willing to give our church so that it can be a reflection of God’s kingdom here on earth? As I said in other blog entries, we are not meant to do this religion thing alone, we are meant to reach out to those around us, and to give who we are so that in turn we can be the best of who we are.

Are we trying to sneak off with the buried treasure without buying the field?

Watch the movie, Of God and Men, totally worth living through the subtitles ... great example of men who bought the field!

Jesus - Is that You?

We live in a world where if you can't see it, smell it, touch it, taste it, it doesn't exist. We live where everything can be analyzed and tested in order to find out what a thing is made from. Most of us watch magicians and the like, knowing that there is some kind of trick to it, now they are not "magicians" but they are "illusionists", because really it is all based on illusions. When you start thinking about it, it is very interesting where we human being are needing the no nonsense truth, and where we are ok to be duped -- each and every time. (I am not even going to list examples, because I am sure that you can think of a time when you were quite happy with your illusion of a situation, not really wanting to acknowledge the truth).

And so we find ourselves, grappling for meaning in our lives, and we find ourselves in a church. Looking up for answers, a sign, anything. And we get .... quiet.  Real quiet. We go to Mass, sometimes we are in a better than usual mood and we find ourselves actually singing along with the music leader. On a real good day, we will actually respond back the response of the responsorial psalm and join in with the prayers. And then it happens...we see the priest holding up this round wafer (hey that one is bigger than the one I get) and what goes on in your head? Does the word ... "Transubstantiation” come to mind?  How can we align our hearts and our heads at this moment when Jesus himself becomes present with us in this Church, and comes to love and to heal and to encourage us to fulfill God's purpose for us?  And the thing about this, is that if we go through the motions at Mass, and we never ask ourselves, do I believe in the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist, the experience of Mass, and Church and community, will always be less than it could be, and what it could be is transformative.

The Eucharist is not a scientific fact, though I think that it could be proven that those who partake in the Eucharist often, are more apt to understand their relationship with themselves and the world better, that they experience more real joy, hope and peace. In John 20:29 Jesus says to Thomas, (the doubting one) "“Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”  For me Jesus words tell me a couple of things, that FAITH is needed to have a real relationship with Jesus, faith to know that He is with me at ALL times, in the happy and the sad, in the difficult and the easy. And that this faith helps me to realize that life is all mystery, I don't understand why the sun shines brightly, but I do not doubt that it will shine tomorrow when I lay down to sleep every night; I do not understand why someone will say just the right word to me to make me feel that I am understood. But it happens, everyday ... when I live in a way that is open to God's blessing and His grace.  I do not always feel the love of my child, but I know that it is there. The other thing that Jesus’ words tell me, is that blessed are we, who live in this world that continually tries to hide Jesus from us, blessed are we who are given the opportunity to rekindle the light of Christ in our Church! We are given the opportunity to SEE him again and to help others SEE Jesus, in you and me by how we move and have our being.

I KNOW that when I Eat of His bread, and Drink of His cup, I am changed, -- CHANGED! And when I am praying afterwards, I do not concentrate on the "WHY" or the “HOW” but I rejoice in the "THANK YOU", for the greatest gift that I could receive, that which will sustain me until He comes again in glory.