Where were you on 9/11?

Where were you on September 11th, 2001? It is a question that I am sure is being asked today, as our nation remembers the day our world changed with a quick strike of violence. I remember where I was, I was in my car driving to a job interview, and when I got to the interview, everyone was very distracted of the story that was being watched on tv and heard on the radio; I remember thinking that it just was so unreal, that this couldn't be happening. It was very frightening, as the news of other planes dropping out of the sky and innocent people, just going about their business lost their lives, made last minute phone calls to love ones and then where just gone! It was just unbelievable. All I wanted to do was get home with my 2 year old son and just hold him close to me. I just wanted to be with people I loved, and suddenly the future was unsure.

We humans are a funny bunch, because 11 years have passed, and in some ways, we have forgotten about the terror of that day; we have somehow been able to get back to the daily concerns of our lives. But I think that it was amazing that the whole country that day, understood that life is really not in our hands and that it can be taken away from us at any time. Do we use up our days to their fullest or do we live each day like it could be our last? Do we take the opportunity to help our neighbor when called on? Do we say "yes" to all the sacrifices that God puts before us for our love of Him and for his people? Do we put our lives in prospective each moment of the day? Do we tell people that they matter to us? Do we forgive those who have hurt us so that we are no longer held captive by our own resentment, anger or hurt?

Today, let us pray for those souls that were innocently going about their business that day, let us honor them today by not letting this day, which is a gift from God go by without our notice; begin today to be present in this day, say hello to that stranger going by, tell your family you love them and put your life in perspective. I really believe that those who lost their lives that day, our begging us to never forget, and to be present to the day God has given us. 

Trying to be a good Catholic, but something ALWAYS comes up!

Do you remember the story recently about a teacher who was working for a religious school and suffered from narcolepsy, she left her position to seek medical treatment, and when she came back her position was no longer available. The Supreme Court, all 9 Justices unanimously ruled that religious law overrides civil law and that the teacher could not sue the institution for violation of the American Disabilities Act.  Now, it seems that everything has changed when speaking about reproduction and health care, it seems that religious law is not taken into consideration at all. I am confused as to how these rulings come about.

I try to be a good Catholic, and over and over again I miss the mark, and most of the time the struggle to be a good, socially conscious Catholic, is overwhelming and I begin to understand why so many have given up the fight. Don’t get me wrong I am not proposing that the Church “lighten up a bit” so that I can feel good about myself – because I do believe in the position of the Catholic Church on all counts. Once we begin to want to follow the Church it is more and more apparent of how the world is in real conflict with what God had intended for His creation. As a parent, it is very upsetting that we are, as in Luke writes, sending our children "like lambs among wolves".  It is disheartening, overwhelming, and apparent that we cannot be “good” Catholics on our own. I know for myself, I don’t know what to do.

Next weekend, the Bishop (Terry LaValley) has issued a letter to be placed in each bulletin throughout the Diocese explaining to the faithful the importance of us knowing about and understanding the latest ruling by the Dept of Health and Human Services that almost all employers, including Catholic employers, will be forced to offer their employees health coverage that includes sterilization, abortion-inducing drugs, and contraception.  Almost all health insurers will be forced to include those “services” in the health policies they write.  Almost all individuals will be forced to buy that coverage as a part of their policies.

As I said, I am very confused and kind of ashamed. I must admit that I have never really put that much thinking into what my insurance plan pays or doesn’t pay for and how that affects me. After all, my insurance plan pays for alcohol and drug rehab which I have never needed and hope never need! I had a sense that I was paying for things that I would never use, but that insurance was a “collective” way of paying health care costs, each of its members getting what they need. I never researched or asked if my insurance plan pays for infertility treatments or Viagra or abortions or the day after pill or transgender reassignment surgery or a host of other things that do not come into line with my beliefs as a Catholic. I just never thought about it. But now it is hard to ignore when we receive this information through our parishes. And again I find myself wondering if I have to make some hard choices.

I work for a non for profit agency, funded by federal, state and local monies. We receive a pretty good benefits package which includes a 50/50 share on health insurance. I know that if I went out and tried to purchase equal insurance on my own, it could send my family into financial ruin, or most probably we would join the millions of Americans who are uninsured. If we were to suffer a serious health issue, I would find myself in ruins. Am I not supposed to be responsible to my family and take care of the child that God has blessed me with the best way I can? And so I today, as I read the letter from the Bishop and I look on the internet for more information, I find myself once again, feeling like a horrible, weak Catholic – that I may choose to continue to accept the adequate insurance coverage I receive through my non-religious employment. I have no clue as I write this the answer . . .  but I have a feeling that I am not alone in my concern. Many Catholics find themselves conflicted with teachings ALL THE TIME!!

As I reflect on this and other topics, it always makes me think of the early church members, how they were trying to figure out how to follow Jesus in the midst of a world that seemed opposed (sound familiar?) Let us pray for all of us who are trying to live our faith, that we will have the courage to make the changes in our life necessary and the wisdom to trust God in this walk of our faith.

Maybe one way to start is to get involved is being a part of the NYS Catholic Conference Public Policy Day on March 13th, in Albany NY. You can get information from the website http://www.nyscatholic.org/?s=policy+day ; Please let me know if you are interested in participating; we will be having on line meetings as the date approaches.

Thankful for the Beginning of Metanoia

Usually the writings of this blog are inspired by the readings for the upcoming week, but this week I plan to do something a little different. I am coming back from a few days off, celebrating the Thanksgiving week with my family, which has truly left me feeling humbled and blessed. Although we don’t have the numbers that other families are blessed with, as we sat around our small table (in our pajamas this year) we realized that we had so much to be Thankful for. Among those things, is the opportunity to be the Director of Young Adult Ministry and a family that is as dedicated as I am. A mother who jumps in and takes care of so much so that my dream can be realized to work for the church, while maintaining a job that also is very fulfilling is enough to be thankful for. And thankful for such a good son who understands why sometimes I have to be away, and already at the age of 12 understands that people need to stand up for what we believe in, even if that means he goes to bed without my kiss or hugs some nights. A am humbled to be a single mother and somehow can keep our life going, when I am well aware that in other countries the plight of single mothers is to beg on the street for any morsel of food, or to even sell your child in hopes that this little one will have a better life somewhere outside your arms. “Only by the grace of God go I” is my mantra.

I am grateful for the beautiful women I met on our first Metanoia retreat and the wonderful people, especially Fr. Al Hauser, who jumped in and made it happen as I was wrestling with the devil. Without him, or the Kilians, the retreat would not have been possible. I want to talk too, about the power of God, when two or three gathered there He is in our midst and it has never been so powerful for me as it was during the Metanoia retreat. So much so, that when it was over, I, like the first disciples, found myself wanting to hide in the upper room -- in awe and wondering of what the real meaning of the experience meant; not only to me but to the future of our church.  I want to make it clear, that it had nothing to do with me, it was purely God.  It wasn’t an experience of something that will change everything in itself, but it was a seed of something that could grow so powerful. In so many ways, in the experiencing of the retreat, it became something different than I even dreamed about when the planning of this event began. For me, the power of God’s presence and the insistent presence of the devil within me left me in a place in which I will forever be changed.  There were so many factors that could have stopped this retreat from happening that when I list them all I wonder how it actually got off the ground, but it did. I knew it before but I am even more convinced than ever, that God will always win over evil if we merely help the fight. It is by no coincidence, though I didn’t put it all together, that the first Metanoia retreat was held the weekend of Christ the King. But I also know how weak we are, even when we don’t want to be.  The most beautiful element of the retreat is that the participants were able to just “be” with God, one of the things that we often forget to do. We spoke of the demands of the world, how we get our appreciation and self worth from what we “do” and in God’s eyes, He loves us simply because we “are”. If only we could see ourselves as God sees us!! Thank you to Jamie, Samantha, Carmel, Jen and Kelley for saying "yes" to the unknown, and for sharing of yourselves to our first small group.

As we anticipate the birth of the Christ-child, we are reminded to envelope ourselves in “silent nights” – to simply just meditate on our lives, that are often lived in darkness and in a state of loneliness. If we can reach deep down into ourselves and be honest, how we could get to the end of Advent with such a yearning for Christ to enter our lives in a whole new way, with both hands wanting to hold that Christ baby in loving embrace – and oh how he would love to share his wondrous joy with us, no more darkness, no more loneliness and a promise to walk beside us, all the days of our lives.

So it is 11 days until the Young Adult Retreat “Metanoia” will be held.  I continue to pray for those who may be hearing God’s call to get a hold of a registration form. I think I have invited everyone that has come across my path, and have begged those around me to do the same, and so now we wait.  Like the girls in the last Sunday’s readings, I am making sure that the lamps are burning bright and that there is plenty of oil in case we wait a long time and the lamps need to be refilled. We are ready! 

And then I read the readings for this coming Sunday . . . Mt 25; 14-30 The Parable of the Talents.  I find comfort in this reading after a few hours of meditating on it, but not at first. I tend to be like the third worker, if you give me something to hold on to, I will take good care of it -- but I am not so sure that I would go and gamble it away hoping to be able to give you more when you get back. I am probably going to hope that you are happy with me that whatever it is, is returned in the same condition you gave it to me. But in this parable it is easy to see that God expects more from us than that. God has given us all of our talents, everything we have, especially our faith, and I suppose that God, as told to us through Jesus, expects us to spread the Good News. In spreading the news, we will work with God in the conversion of souls.  I suppose that is why we should not be content with merely our own salvation. Since God gives us everything, even our reputation, the fact that people think we are good, trustworthy, etc. I risk that mainstream reputation when I take on a further call to spread the Good News as it is lived out in my own gospel, the experience of Jesus Christ within my own life. How will others see me; a Jesus freak? (Oh and by the way we will not even mention the fear that people will uncover that I am really a phony, full of air, and able to pop with the slightest touch; who am I to speak on God’s behalf.) But I am reminded over and over again, that if I hear the call and do not respond, it is not only me that suffers, but my friends, my neighbors and the world. If I am given words to say, a life of joy and enthusiasm for Jesus, and I repress it, than no one gets the benefit of the message. And when we, collectively, decide we will not take up our call, than that is compounded a million times! What kind of world will we then have? Should we be surprised of the world we live in now? Lately I have been looking for a bumper sticker that says, “If not you, then who?” And so in the Parable this week, I have often wondered what would happen if at least one of them would have come back saying, “Um, I tried to make you some more and well, it didn’t go so good, so I actually have nothing to give back.” But I suppose that this is not even an option. That when one takes what they have been given, whatever the talent, and believe that it really, ultimately belongs to the Master, and takes care of that talent with passion and respect, there is no way that it will not multiply. That is part of this lesson, to believe, to live a life of passion for what you are hearing God say to you, and know that we are fertile ground and we will be more than we were at the beginning of this journey. As I close this day, I remember the words from the writings of Julian of Norwich, " ... All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well". And I hear God's gentle voice in my head saying, "Of course it will be."

Our Time is Limited

With all this talk about Saints and Souls, and then the readings of today, we are reminded that we have to be awake as we live this life. How we live our lives, and to what we deem as important is the very thing that God will judge us on. As we celebrated All Saints day we are reminded that Saints were people who somehow figured out how to be themselves, the person that God intended them to be despite their frailties and sins, and lived a good life, so much so that God intermingled with their lives so much that others around them were affected - healed by miracles. They certainly were not perfect, and a recurring theme throughout the lives of the saints is that they too believed that they were not worthy. How many times do we tell ourselves that we are not Saints, that we don't have what it takes to be one, and so we go back to sleep accepting what the world will give us and turn away from what God offers us. All we have to do is look around and we can see how we are not accepting blessings from God, the condition of the world, our towns, our neighborhoods and our families are a reflection of what we deem as important, and God does not want for us what we are living. He has something so much better in mind.

But then the question comes, what can I do about it? The task at hand seems so overwhelming, we sometimes feel that all we can do is try to be a good person and hope that this is enough. But God tells us over and over again that it is NOT enough. That if we want to be one of the chosen ones, if we really do want to live all of eternity in His presence, than we have to quiet the voices that want to convince us that we can't make a change, take a deep breath and get to work on building the Kingdom of God today. The Kingdom is available if we just get busy bringing it about. But the Devil is a cunning one, and he is hard at work making us feel that we are not good enough. The more we try to do good, the harder the Deciever works to make us feel like we are nothing. But we must listen to God who tells us that we are everything!

Today on All Souls Day, we are reminded not only that there is no separation from us and those that have gone before us, but also that our time is limited, and we must ask ourselves of what we want to be remembered for? What mark will we leave on this world? Don't let the Deceiver get the best part of you! The Devil's job is to drown out the voice of God in our lives, and he is doing his job very well. Pray to hear God's voice, and that voice, we are reminded by Saints and Souls, is saying how GOOD you are and that YOU can make a difference. Fill your lamps with God's oil, by doing what is right, by speaking when you need to, by commanding that the Devil's voice be quieted in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord who paid the price for our freedom; freedom from the oppression of evil. But we have to do our part, because as Paul asks the early followers in today's 2nd reading, "Are you unaware that we who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?" We are intermingled with suffering and resurrection, we are called to be uncomfortable in the truth, and it is only by our death that we too may share in the resurrection. Can you imagine a morning of such bright light? The day that we embrace this fact and live a fearless life.

Humility is a strange thing; once you think you got it, you've lost it!

This week it is important for us church workers to hear the words of Jesus. Jesus says, “ They preach but they do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they will not lift a finger to move them. All their works are performed to be seen… they love places of honor…”  Church work tends to, if being honest, connect us to our humble side. When we are honest with ourselves, we know that the power comes from God, that left alone we can really muck things up. When we have an awesome meeting, or encounter, when we are inspired and are able to somehow bring that inspiration to life, we must understand that the power is from God and that He is working through us to touch the people that have been placed in our care. But Church workers are human, and like everyone else we want to be recognized for the hard work that we put into it, the long hours and the sacrifices in our personal lives in order to do God’s work. But we have to be careful, because even though we are doing “God’s work” we have to know that we are more than the actions that we do, and that God loves us, no matter what we do or don’t do, the successes and the failures, even in the moments when we feel defeated and discouraged. We have to watch that we don’t see ourselves different than those we serve, our common denominator is that we are all broken in some ways and all glorious in others. We have a lot to learn from those we serve. Jesus also reminds us that we have to be living this Christian life as well as spreading the Good News. This week at Religious Ed classes, the children and I talked about what a Christian should look like … and we all decided that a Christian who is really living out the Good News should look happy and joyful, not all depressed and down, after all our actions maybe the only Gospel someone encounters. We should be showing people how awesome life can be with God, not that life is easy but that our lives show hope for something more. 

We work hard to help others experience a conversion,(Metanoia) but sometimes we have to slow down a little bit, and not place heavy burdens on the shoulders of others, especially if we are not going to “lift a finger to move them”, as Jesus says. We continually have to be mindful that conversion is hard, and scary and sometimes almost impossible in a world like ours, but we have to help people see that they are not alone. After all, we know from the readings the past few weeks, that the key is love, to love as Jesus did, in the role of the patient, self sacrificing servant. “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled; but whoever humbles himself will be exalted”.

As I was writing this, another thought drifted in. Perhaps it is important for us to pat our church workers on the back, not because the event or class went perfectly, perhaps it is simply so that person will not be starved for recognition and begin to work in a way that satisfies that need instead of the needs of parishioners.  Perhaps it is important for us to stop our church volunteers and staff, and say thank you and give them a little love, perhaps it will make all the difference in the world. This upcoming week the North Country Catholic will be publishing the Priest Appreciation Issue, take time to thank those that keep our Church going, in an imperfect world, that is dying to know God.

The Messy Vineyard

OH, another week with so much in the reading that jumps out from the page to my heart…don’t you just love it when it does that? (To tell the truth I begin to feel a bit overwhelmed to get all my thoughts out there) so today I will try to spread it out over a few days. As always I praise God who is alive in my life and in the world!

This weeks upcoming readings: Is 5:1-7, Phil 4:6-9 and Mt 21:33-43

First reading -- I love how it begins, kind of like the beginning of the Beverly Hill Billies, go ahead and read the first lines, with the tune in the back of your mind! Did you see the comparison? Lol  But enough musings ...

Here is a picture of vineyard, who when so guarded, all that grew were “wild grapes”! And so, the owner of the vineyard is going to let whatever happen, happen to the vineyard, in hopes of getting something different. Now I am no theologian or scripture scholar, I really only go by what I hear in my head and heart about the readings at hand. But boy did this strike me. When I grew up, so many things about the church were “guarded”, parishioners it seemed, knew their place and pretty much remained there. The “jobs” of the church were taken care of by “special” people, and somehow things got done, Church was there on Sunday and you didn’t really have to worry about it. But, even with so much given us, and I am referring to those now in their 30s and 40s, it seems that we have grown “wild” that we do not have a deep appreciation for this Catholic faith and are, for the most part, doing a horrible job in passing that faith to the next generation. So many young adults (and not so young adults) don’t know much about the teachings of the faith (and I am talking about the REAL teachings, not what you learn on the “streets”) and so are luke warm about not only the Catholic faith, but are luke warm about God in general. Take a look at families, schools, governments, etc., and we can see how the watering down of commitments to God has affected our whole world.  And so the result is a Church in great need of love and caretaking, falling and being left for dead. But ohhhh, the opportunity God is giving us!!! Yes, this, in a way is a GOOD thing! In the past few weeks we have heard about a man’s son who says he will work in the vineyard but doesn’t go and a son who says no but then changes his mind, of people who work in the vineyard for different amounts of time, but all get the same pay, don’t we see, for so many of us, who said (and say) that we are bringing Christ into the world, but didn’t when given an opportunity, or we say that we know our faith, but don’t when it is time to teach the lessons to our children, we have an opportunity to change our minds AND to get the same pay – heaven.  It is when the walls of the Church have fallen, when She needs our attention and care, that we are invited, with all of our gifts into this messy vineyard, that we can have a change of mind and heart, and to roll up our sleeves and get to work living and proclaiming the message of Jesus Christ. We have a second chance, and we can be the small, vulnerable sprouts of the good grapes because through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ we have been made new again. The time is now, and not to settle for less than what Jesus death on the cross provides for us.  It is not a time to blame and to find excuses, we ALL got here together, and together we will rise!

We Haven't Been Duped!

I love it when I look to the next Sunday’s reading and find one that I LOVE and that history with me, touching my ears and heart at one point through my life. This Sunday, has to be one of my favorite Old Testament Readings from Jeremiah.  “You duped me, O Lord, and I let myself be duped!”  Wow, can I relate!

First of all it is important to know at least a little about Jeremiah.  He was born into a priestly family and he was called to be a prophet at around the age of 18. Jeremiah’s job was to prophesy about the destruction that was to come. Jeremiah lived in a very tumultuous time, his writing go all the way up to the destruction of the temple. But Jeremiah was not quick to take his calling from God, he didn’t really want to do this job and knew that his words were not going to be well received from those around him. It wasn’t like he was there to paint a pretty picture of Judah’s future. But God gave him some pretty specific instructions on how to get ready for his mission. The character traits and practices Jeremiah was to acquire in order to be ready are specified in Jeremiah 1 and include not being afraid, standing up to speak, speaking as told, and going where sent.  Sound familiar?? As you read the beginning of Jeremiah, God not only tells him how to prepare, but assures him that when ready, God will give him the words to say, and that He (God) would not abandon him. Reminds me of when parents bring children to the doctor for a shot. How many parents say, “Yes this is really going to hurt, gosh, this is going to be hard, well here is the doctor.”? Never, I hope. We know what is best for our children, and while we know something’s in life are hard, we talk to our kids in a way that makes them less afraid, or more confident. Even if it is just the tone of our voice, we often can get our kids to do things that wouldn’t do it on our own. Some people call that, “sugar coating”. I have to wonder in what tone God was speaking to Jeremiah. So, Jeremiah takes the challenge and goes out to prophesy.  In the meantime, he loses everything, even his family turns against him. If that is not enough, God, Himself, reveals to Jeremiah that …oh by the way…a group is plotting to kill you. Can you imagine Jeremiah’s response, “What?” and to console him God says, “Well it is only going to get worse!”. And so what would your response be, if you were Jeremiah?  I can just see Jeremiah, pacing around the room, “this is so not good. I didn’t even want this mission in the first place, I told you I wasn’t the guy for you, and now they are going to kill me? Great!”  Now, the next part is great, have you ever been offered an opportunity, and you just so really wanted to do it that you didn’t look at all the angles, and when you realized it wasn’t going to be as easy as you would have hoped you kind of blame the person who offered it to you in the first place? Perhaps saying that they didn’t really reveal all the information and somehow, your predicament was more their fault than yours, after all you were well intended.

God calls all of us, sometimes the task is easier than others, sometimes we are more inclined to say yes than at other times, but either way God is calling us to make His Kingdom on earth. I especially love when Jeremiah says that he will never again utter the name of God, and yet he finds himself with this burning desire to speak of God, he just can’t help himself.  For many us this is also the case, when we are totally frustrated with our ministry we are tempted to quit, but when it comes right down to it, we can’t help but figure it out, and bring Jesus’ message to the world.  How is your calling going? Are you feeling like Jeremiah, a bit hesitant to take on what God is asking of you? Let that desire move you forward, the rewards will be great, because for all of us who have loved, we just do what we do because we love. And that is all God is asking of us.

If you keep on reading in Jeremiah, God gives him such awesome words of reassurance, in Chapter 29 God says to Jeremiah..."For I know the plans I have for you, ... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God isn't trying to trick us, He sees the big picture, and in that we have to trust.

Jesus - Is that You?

We live in a world where if you can't see it, smell it, touch it, taste it, it doesn't exist. We live where everything can be analyzed and tested in order to find out what a thing is made from. Most of us watch magicians and the like, knowing that there is some kind of trick to it, now they are not "magicians" but they are "illusionists", because really it is all based on illusions. When you start thinking about it, it is very interesting where we human being are needing the no nonsense truth, and where we are ok to be duped -- each and every time. (I am not even going to list examples, because I am sure that you can think of a time when you were quite happy with your illusion of a situation, not really wanting to acknowledge the truth).

And so we find ourselves, grappling for meaning in our lives, and we find ourselves in a church. Looking up for answers, a sign, anything. And we get .... quiet.  Real quiet. We go to Mass, sometimes we are in a better than usual mood and we find ourselves actually singing along with the music leader. On a real good day, we will actually respond back the response of the responsorial psalm and join in with the prayers. And then it happens...we see the priest holding up this round wafer (hey that one is bigger than the one I get) and what goes on in your head? Does the word ... "Transubstantiation” come to mind?  How can we align our hearts and our heads at this moment when Jesus himself becomes present with us in this Church, and comes to love and to heal and to encourage us to fulfill God's purpose for us?  And the thing about this, is that if we go through the motions at Mass, and we never ask ourselves, do I believe in the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist, the experience of Mass, and Church and community, will always be less than it could be, and what it could be is transformative.

The Eucharist is not a scientific fact, though I think that it could be proven that those who partake in the Eucharist often, are more apt to understand their relationship with themselves and the world better, that they experience more real joy, hope and peace. In John 20:29 Jesus says to Thomas, (the doubting one) "“Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”  For me Jesus words tell me a couple of things, that FAITH is needed to have a real relationship with Jesus, faith to know that He is with me at ALL times, in the happy and the sad, in the difficult and the easy. And that this faith helps me to realize that life is all mystery, I don't understand why the sun shines brightly, but I do not doubt that it will shine tomorrow when I lay down to sleep every night; I do not understand why someone will say just the right word to me to make me feel that I am understood. But it happens, everyday ... when I live in a way that is open to God's blessing and His grace.  I do not always feel the love of my child, but I know that it is there. The other thing that Jesus’ words tell me, is that blessed are we, who live in this world that continually tries to hide Jesus from us, blessed are we who are given the opportunity to rekindle the light of Christ in our Church! We are given the opportunity to SEE him again and to help others SEE Jesus, in you and me by how we move and have our being.

I KNOW that when I Eat of His bread, and Drink of His cup, I am changed, -- CHANGED! And when I am praying afterwards, I do not concentrate on the "WHY" or the “HOW” but I rejoice in the "THANK YOU", for the greatest gift that I could receive, that which will sustain me until He comes again in glory.