Letting Go of the Net

I have been quiet, especially in this blog this year. It is hard to believe, when I think back on the enthusiasm that once ran through my whole being about the opportunity to share this gift of faith.  The problem is, I don’t think that I ever realized what a “gift” it was, and in so many ways, we do so little for this great gift and that it is all about God’s grace.

In the last few years I can honestly say that I have had the pleasure of having a “relationship” with God. A relationship that goes back and forth, I hear God speaking to me, and I truly listen. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense to me, but I forge on ahead, in a way, blindly believing what I hear. There have been way too many incidences in which God has made himself known to me, I really can’t think that I am crazy, though I have often used it at the beginning of my conversations, when I suffer from fear of being judged.  There is not a day that I don’t feel close to God, that He is with me, though like any good parent, he tries to teach the listen, give the advice and in the end it is ultimately up to me if love will come to life with action.

In the past year, I have heard God speak to me very much about my future, it didn’t really have a “game plan” now that I look back, just a promise of salvation and an opportunity to be with Him and others as we rebuild His church.  I heard Him tell me to “follow Him”, I really wanted to, for maybe the first time in my life, I could truly say that I LOVED God, in a relationship, not just because it felt that this is what we say, especially if we are working in the Church.  But then He brought me one step closer …. He told me that I would have to “drop my net”. 

For a long time I was so dissatisfied with my life and in the work I was doing.  But mostly, I was ashamed at the deceitful way I was living, often telling people what they wanted to hear so that I could keep my life comfortable. It began to be clear to me that, not only was it not fair to me and keeping me in sin, it wasn’t fair to those around me. Though I was in many, many instances telling people the truth of how I felt or understood things, it was my actions that spoke louder than my words and they didn’t add up.  I felt literally torn in half, and the more I was falling in love with Jesus, the more torn I was. 

Last summer, my father passed away.  I had always dreaded even the thought of losing a parent, I had never experienced it before, and how was I going to act.  I was my father’s health care proxy, and so during the process I felt very responsible for decisions I would have to make on my father’s behalf.  By some grace, during those last final days, I found strength and peace that I thought were impossible for me, and maybe even more impossible for our relationship.  I have to say, other than the birth of my son, I felt God’s presence, as sure as if He were sitting in the chair next to me.  My father, had a day before he passed, in which he was very coherent, and he was able to take the time and speak to each one of us, and in his amazingly humble way (sadly caused my his inability to recognize his own worth in this life) relieved my pain of thinking that he thought I didn’t love him because of the decisions I had made in the last few years. It wasn’t what I would have asked for, but it sure was what I needed to hear. I knew that my father loved me, but I also know that love can only be given within a person’s capacity.  During the last days of his life, he showed us that God was there, especially when he received the Eucharist for the last time on this earth, my father’s eyes were straight ahead, and radiated love so pure – I had only seen this one time before, and that was in my son’s eyes the evening I believe he said goodbye to the angels that delivered him to my care.  God was sitting in the room with us, and they, meaning the Holy Trinity and Mary were there to finally bring my father home … his earthly life had been hard, especially hard was his relationships with his own parents, and I knew that Mary, the mother of us all, was there to really show him true love.  It was so life changing to be in that room those few days. I knew that I couldn’t go back to the life I was living … that it was not just time to “follow Jesus” but to drop my net.

It wasn’t long after, that all the pieces fell into place, and it was time to leave a job, that in so many ways, I loved.  But perhaps more importantly, placed my identity in.  I had white knuckled it so long on the ledge, that I was tired, and in a split second, released all my fingers and fell back, hoping to be caught by God or to at least provide some cushion for the landing. I let it all go.

In my prayer life, I feel close to the first disciples, probably saying much of the same words that they did …. “Where are we going Jesus?”  “Why would you want to go there Jesus?” “Are you sure that these are the people you want us to help Jesus?”  “When are you going to use your mighty God power and make life right for us Jesus?” “I am not worthy Jesus.”  “Oh I will never abandon you Jesus!” “Of course I love you Jesus” Even when I hear myself say these phrases I think I am the first to utter them, but it doesn’t take long to realize that I am not. That so many have gone before me asking the same questions.

I think when I started this blog, I was really unaware of all the things that I didn’t, and still don’t have answers to.  What is this gift of faith, why do some people just seem to have it and others struggle so much with it?  What can I do to help those who struggle with their faith come to know and love God more? After all I am the “Director of Young Adult Ministry for the Diocese of Ogdensburg” shouldn’t I be able to bring others to Jesus, to the church or at least to World Youth Day?!  

Faith is a journey, a relationship that begins with someone who treats you a little bit like Jesus would.  And like all relationships in involves trust, interaction, asking for forgiveness when necessary, and action and sometimes -- sacrifice.  When we love someone on this earth it is amazing when we think of what we will do to show them that we love them. It is the same with our relationship with God. When I was young, I was fortunate to meet so many people who, when I look back, where Jesus to me and helped me to understand his love for me and for others. Who taught me what was required to be a follower of Jesus and who were “in it” with me so that I would eventually see that I could be Jesus for someone else.  It is time for me to take on the role more fully, and I am much more aware, that I am called to live as a believer in a way that would make others also want to know Jesus.  Like always, it means to put the fear aside and get at it!

Our culture thrives from people being afraid to talk about God and what He has done for them in their lives, that there is really no other way to live but to love God and to love others, especially those who are oppressed.  The Church is in such a state of change, not in the changes some people have been waiting for, women clergy, gay marriage, etc. etc. but fundamental change – the change within our own hearts, that opens are vision to ourselves in relationship WITH God, no longer on our own,an opportunity to love God with open hands, knowing that He is with us!

 

Dicussion on Faithful Citizenship - Oct. 21st and 22nd!

In the coming weeks, I really want to get out as much information as possible to people before we go into the voting booth. It is so important, now more than ever, for every Catholic to be informed and counted this election year. I also think that it is a very confusing time to vote as well! If you are like me, you feel that both parties seem to be lacking real truth, and therefore our vote may cause us some real anxiety.  I sometimes have a hard time voting for a candidate because of one topic, and if I vote one way on an issue, another group of people in the US will suffer. It is a difficult road to navigate, and sometimes a real hard topic to talk with people about as everyone is passionate about one issue or another. In an effort to give people a place to learn about the issues, ask questions and find a political conviction that coincides with our Catholic beliefs, the Office of Young Adult Ministry will be sponsoring a Discussion on Faithful Citizenship, a two evening webinar with Kathleen Gallagher and Dennis Poust of the New York State Catholic Conference. Parishioners across the Diocese of Ogdensburg will have a chance to engage in discussions about our call to Faithful Citizenship. Participants will be able to log in on their own computer at home, however, we are encouraging people to gather in groups, begin the discussion over a pot luck dinner, or dessert and coffee and log in together, either at your home, a friends home, or a parish center. As long as you have internet connection you will be able to attend.

To participate, please send an email requesting log in information to lturgeon@dioogdensburg.org or phone 315-323-4989 for more information.

For more information on Faithful Citizenship visit http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/faithful-citizenship/

To Pay or Not to Pay?

Sometimes the readings for the day just make us scratch our heads and say “Huh?” which I think is the reaction we may have to today’s readings. But fear not, there is much to see in the readings for today. I think as we head into this election year, they may be very fitting to what we got going on these days.

Does Jesus pay the temple taxes? – is the topic of the day. Remember the Jewish leaders were really trying to find something on this guy and at every turn they really thought that they would get them. We also have to remember that the temple tax was what the Jewish people paid, not to keep the temple going so much, but they saw it as atonement for their sins, and were commanded to do so in Exodus 30. Now since Jesus was the Son of God and was sinless, was it necessary for him to pay this tax? You also have to wonder if, being asked the question, was Peter just answering the question in a way that would not cause trouble and did he really know if Jesus actually paid the tax or not. Can you imagine Peter walking into the room where Jesus was and him thinking, how to bring up the subject with Jesus in paying this tax? After being told by Jesus himself that he would be taken and killed, it would be natural for Peter to want to keep Jesus out of trouble. Jesus though, knows exactly what Peter needs, and that is an answer to this tax issue. Jesus brings up the issue of the temple tax, it seems pretty clear that Jesus probably doesn’t, really have to pay the tax when looked at theologically, but even Jesus agrees to pay the tax “not to offend them”.  So he tells Peter to pay the tax, gives him a way to get the money to pay for it, and pays for Peter’s tax as well.  So what does that tell us now and why is it so important in our own time and world?

Peter, represents the Church in scripture, and often, the Church is always is in a balancing act between the political world and the spiritual. It is one of the reasons why I am proud to be a Catholic -- we ARE a voice in the world and we do not hide from commenting and exercising our religious rights in order for good to be done in the world. No, we do not endorse candidates or have big dinner parties to raise money for a particular party, but we are the voice of the poor and disenfranchised, and so many Catholics not only talk about rights of the poor, they actually give up their own lives for those in need. Hopefully, you have heard the continuing issues that arise from the recent HHS Mandate.  Check out The 6 Things Everyone Should Know About the HHS Mandate at http://usccb.org/news/2012/12-021.cfm.  Many lawsuits by Catholic Dioceses and organizations have been filed to fight this mandate that forces us, Catholics, to pay for things that we are absolutely morally opposed to; and many of these lawsuits have already been dismissed in favor of the government mandate.  So what do we do as Catholics? Last week, Gus Lloyd, who is a well known Catholic author and has a morning radio show on the Catholic Channel, had callers call in to his show to answer the question “Should the Church pay the fines that will incur if Catholic institutions refuse to follow the mandate?” In the light of today’s Gospel reading, what do you think? Should the Church just do what the government wants them to do, so not to offend, should we practice civil disobedience and not follow the mandate and pay the fine, or do we go even further and not follow the mandate and refuse to pay the fine?

Notice in today’s reading, the coin to pay the fine was in a fish? Which I think, reminds us that the answers come from God, we must listen to Jesus words, do what He tells us, and the answer will be revealed.

Under the Broom Tree

So much food in the readings today! It is just a reminder that we need to keep ourselves fueled, both physically and spiritually.  I just love the first reading from 1 Kings 19; Elijah heads into the dessert and makes it one day before sitting under the broom tree and literally asking God to take his life … I think it is the Old Testament version of “enough all ready!”.  Elijah tells God that he is no better than his ancestors and so why, why would God think that he can use him to bring about something good.  You can just tell that Elijah is tired, hungry and just can’t go on, and would rather just die under that broom tree.  And so he falls asleep.  Given up.  But that is not God’s plan and so he sends an angel to, “order” not ask or inspire or nudge, but “orders” Elijah to get up and then he sees the food that his body needed and so he takes the food and eats it, and … he goes back to sleep!  And so the angel must come again, and “ordered” him again to get up and eat and move along on the journey that is his to complete. And from that one day on his own in the dessert, once taken the food from heaven, he is able to journey 40 days and 40 nights!

There have been times in my life where I know what the journey is that God wants me to go on, I can feel it to the core of my being what God is asking me to do. I begin my journey into the dessert, and yea, within 1 day, I am sitting under my broom tree, asking God to just end it here, saying “enough all already!” Then  God gives me what I need to continue on the journey, maybe food doesn’t pop out of nowhere, but someone will say an encouraging word, all the sudden a problem is solved that was holding me back, so many things happen in a miraculous way.  I take the experience and find myself, instead of getting up and continuing the journey, I lie back down, and find some other reason not to go on.  Sometimes we are in such despair of our own journey, that we do wish that we would be let off the hook.  Then, God sends another message, and we find ourselves, IF we nourish ourselves in the food that He gives us, an ability to continue our journey and accomplish things that we never thought we could.  The nourishment from heaven strengthens us, we don’t know how it does but it does and that is grace.  God changes us.

Elijah felt that he was no better than his ancestors, that somehow where he came from destined him to be “less than” God had intended for him.  In the Gospel reading, the people around Jesus heard him refer to himself as the “bread that came down from heaven” and they are confused, because isn’t he the son of Joseph and Mary?  Isn’t he just a kid from our town?  What good can really come out of Nazareth?  Have you ever tried to change something about yourself, and find that those closest to you are the ones that are making it hardest for you to change?  I have always been on a diet it seems, and when I am motivated to change it is those closest to me that seem to tell me that I am fine the way I am, or offer me delicious foods, etc.  Think of all the preconceptions people have of those who are recovering alcoholics or drug abusers , or people who have spent time in prison, how hard it is for people to change their lives, not because of a lack of wanting to or knowing they have to but because of the lack of support in their own communities.  Even us “christians” have to ask ourselves am I allowing people to change in the spirit of God or am I contributing to holding them back from their own journeys, the road that God has put them on, and has all the confidence in the world that they will walk 40 days and 40 nights – given the proper nourishment.  

In that small second reading, Paul reminds us,  “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ. So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma.”

Live in love, forgive one another, support one another, this is the call we receive from our Father in heaven.  Each day we recite the Our Lord’s prayer, and we ask God for forgiveness as we forgive others. Many times we tell people that they need to “forgive themselves” but the reality is, that if we do not forgive those that God places in our lives, we will never be able to feel God’s forgiveness of our own trespasses.  If we never have the chance to really love another, we will never be able to feel God’s love for us.  So get out there, and live and love so that you can feel what it means for God to love and forgive you.

Jesus is the bread of life… and we receive that life through the Eucharist, like the food sent to Elijah, in a moment of great need to continue his journey, we come to the altar – in need, and we receive that which is Jesus, and we consume Him, that small piece of bread, enters into our body, and becomes a part of every one of our cells, so that we know longer know where we end and where God begins, we change, we are able to be imitators of God because we have Him in us.  What would happen if the world knew this? It is our journey to make it known by our words and our actions; it is known because we are not afraid to speak of God in us, we don’t care where we came from but know that God has something awesome in store for our lives and that is the life we want to grab on to. Love one another, forgive those who we never thought we could, and experience freedom, the real kind.   

Trying to be a good Catholic, but something ALWAYS comes up!

Do you remember the story recently about a teacher who was working for a religious school and suffered from narcolepsy, she left her position to seek medical treatment, and when she came back her position was no longer available. The Supreme Court, all 9 Justices unanimously ruled that religious law overrides civil law and that the teacher could not sue the institution for violation of the American Disabilities Act.  Now, it seems that everything has changed when speaking about reproduction and health care, it seems that religious law is not taken into consideration at all. I am confused as to how these rulings come about.

I try to be a good Catholic, and over and over again I miss the mark, and most of the time the struggle to be a good, socially conscious Catholic, is overwhelming and I begin to understand why so many have given up the fight. Don’t get me wrong I am not proposing that the Church “lighten up a bit” so that I can feel good about myself – because I do believe in the position of the Catholic Church on all counts. Once we begin to want to follow the Church it is more and more apparent of how the world is in real conflict with what God had intended for His creation. As a parent, it is very upsetting that we are, as in Luke writes, sending our children "like lambs among wolves".  It is disheartening, overwhelming, and apparent that we cannot be “good” Catholics on our own. I know for myself, I don’t know what to do.

Next weekend, the Bishop (Terry LaValley) has issued a letter to be placed in each bulletin throughout the Diocese explaining to the faithful the importance of us knowing about and understanding the latest ruling by the Dept of Health and Human Services that almost all employers, including Catholic employers, will be forced to offer their employees health coverage that includes sterilization, abortion-inducing drugs, and contraception.  Almost all health insurers will be forced to include those “services” in the health policies they write.  Almost all individuals will be forced to buy that coverage as a part of their policies.

As I said, I am very confused and kind of ashamed. I must admit that I have never really put that much thinking into what my insurance plan pays or doesn’t pay for and how that affects me. After all, my insurance plan pays for alcohol and drug rehab which I have never needed and hope never need! I had a sense that I was paying for things that I would never use, but that insurance was a “collective” way of paying health care costs, each of its members getting what they need. I never researched or asked if my insurance plan pays for infertility treatments or Viagra or abortions or the day after pill or transgender reassignment surgery or a host of other things that do not come into line with my beliefs as a Catholic. I just never thought about it. But now it is hard to ignore when we receive this information through our parishes. And again I find myself wondering if I have to make some hard choices.

I work for a non for profit agency, funded by federal, state and local monies. We receive a pretty good benefits package which includes a 50/50 share on health insurance. I know that if I went out and tried to purchase equal insurance on my own, it could send my family into financial ruin, or most probably we would join the millions of Americans who are uninsured. If we were to suffer a serious health issue, I would find myself in ruins. Am I not supposed to be responsible to my family and take care of the child that God has blessed me with the best way I can? And so I today, as I read the letter from the Bishop and I look on the internet for more information, I find myself once again, feeling like a horrible, weak Catholic – that I may choose to continue to accept the adequate insurance coverage I receive through my non-religious employment. I have no clue as I write this the answer . . .  but I have a feeling that I am not alone in my concern. Many Catholics find themselves conflicted with teachings ALL THE TIME!!

As I reflect on this and other topics, it always makes me think of the early church members, how they were trying to figure out how to follow Jesus in the midst of a world that seemed opposed (sound familiar?) Let us pray for all of us who are trying to live our faith, that we will have the courage to make the changes in our life necessary and the wisdom to trust God in this walk of our faith.

Maybe one way to start is to get involved is being a part of the NYS Catholic Conference Public Policy Day on March 13th, in Albany NY. You can get information from the website http://www.nyscatholic.org/?s=policy+day ; Please let me know if you are interested in participating; we will be having on line meetings as the date approaches.

This week as we prepare for the Solemnity of Christ the King, we are reminded that it is through our dealings with those who are hungry, who are thirsty and who are held captive that reflects how we deal with God Himself. For the last couple of weeks we have been reflecting on the light and the darkness, how Jesus has taken us out of the darkness and brought us into light, into a new life; and with that new life, it is up to us to go and do God’s work, to feed the hungry and give drink to the thirsty. I think though, we often take this literally, as in some ways we should; it is our responsibility to change the lives of the poor, and to feed those who literally do not have food. But as I once again hear this reading I am reminded of my early days in youth and campus ministry.  When I decided to commit myself to church ministry as my career, I envisioned myself working with the poor. I was in fact, hoping to go to a country like El Salvador to work with the poor and to even risk my life for the message of Christ. However, God seemed to have different plans for me, and I became a Youth Minister in Kentucky and then a Campus Minister in Mississippi and in my entire ministry found myself ministering to children and families that were not poor at all. It was a big shock for me, as I began my ministry career because the parishioners seemed to have lives bigger than I had ever experienced. The youth in my ministry lived in very large houses, in beautiful sub-divisions and had all of the latest gadgets at the time. You were invited to big parties and parishes were new and beautiful. They seemed like the last people who needed food and drink. But as I reflect back on the experience, I was reminded over and over again of just how hungry, thirsty and lost so many of them were. As part of my Campus Ministry at Ole Miss we brought college age students to the missions in Saltillo, Mexico. The people there needed the basics of life, and yet they had so much that we did not have. The experience would make everyone of us who participated in this trip question who exactly is hungry and thirsty.  Sometimes it is much more glamorous for us to sell everything and move to Africa than to see the needs in our own backyard and begin ministering there. We cannot let ourselves be fooled by not hearing the inner cries of those who seem to have everything on the outside and are starving and dying of thirst inside.  

 With the decline of participation in our parishes, especially by Young Adults, we are a missionary church. The need for our church today, I believe, is the conversion of hearts, one heart at a time; being transformed by a personal connection with Jesus. In a world in which our basics are not in question, we are less likely to turn to God, because , let’s face it, it is in hardships and struggles that we move ourselves closer to God, crying for his assistance, His mercy and / or His forgiveness.  We are a people in great spiritual need, and we are so thirsty and so hungry for the living God within our lives that we do not know how to satisfy that need. We grasp at everything we think may satisfy us, but we never are.

We must ask ourselves, am I spiritually feeding others around me; do I move others in the direction of the living waters?  Do I wrap people in the warmth of God when I interact with them? Do I show them the consolation that God offers each one of us?  This is a much more difficult task than handing someone a bottle of water.  So this week, work to stop poverty, but do not overlook the poverty that may be within the person’s life next to you.  Watch how you interact with others so that you will leave God with them when you walk away. 

...here I am in your midst...

It has been a crazy couple of weeks in the north country. First, as I am sitting at my desk, I feel the earth tremble, and then realize that we are experiencing an earthquake. Then about a week later, the north country is hit with a hurricane! And once again we find our communities flooded and many people in dire need of assistance. For me I have been truly blessed, no downed trees, no flooded basement in my home, no one hurt, no damage, no nothing. But I look around, and so many people have been negatively affected by Mother Nature, it just makes you wonder what is going on in the world.

This weeks readings are jammed packed. And I must admit that before I was committed to writing this blog each week, I was not as acutely aware of just how much were in the readings each week. Unless we really commit to studying and examining the readings we are loosing out. My hope is that this blog will help people peel away the layers of God's Word each week.

Now back to the surrounding disasters... why is all this happening, why must God's people suffer? My son asked me this week, that if God was all powerful, why would all these things happen? Why would people have to suffer? This is an age old question, but coming from my son, in wanting to give him an answer that he could carry in his pocket for the rest of his life, I really had to think about it, more seriously than ever before. Here was some of my answer to him...

God created this beautiful earth for us to enjoy, he gave us the summer for those who enjoy swimming in the local lakes and pools, camping, feeling the grass under our bare feet; he created winter for those who love to zip down the slopes with ski's or snowboards, he gave us snow to make snowmen, to pour maple syrup on to make maple taffy; in spring we get to experience the growth of new life, the smell of wet mud and fresh earth, and an annual happiness to see new flowers in bloom; and in the fall, we can enjoy the harvest, bright orange pumpkins, cool days on hikes with the beauty of changing leaves, the moments of sitting on the porch wrapped in a blanket inhaling fresh crisp air. He gave us all these things, ever changing, ever beautiful and no matter how old you get, you can't help but feel blessed in each season. For these things to happen, and I am no scientist, but I think that the earth has to go through things in order for us to enjoy all this beauty and perhaps that is why the weather gives us problems sometimes, so much is asked of the earth and so much is taken for granted. But I also think that in these times, we are given the opportunity to be the exact human being that God created us to be. To share our food, our blankets, our homes or our money with those that are not so lucky or blessed as we are, or if we are the ones in need, it gives us a knowledge of what it feels like to depend on others and know that what we have here on earth is fleeting. Moments like these, when we are at our best, makes us remember the important things in life and opens us up to see God all around us. Moments like this also tests us in a way, to praise God even when the winds are blowing, and the rain is pouring down. When we are at our best, we praise God in all weather, in all circumstances, whether we are having difficulty or triumph. Without misfortune we would never truly know how wonderful God made us in giving and receiving, we would not have moments to be extra-ordinary.

This week Jesus says to us, "where two or more are gathered in my name I am there in their midst", without sounding too simple, I think as we trudge along in the next few weeks, cleaning up messes and helping others rebuild their lives, it is important for us to look at each other in the eyes, and see Jesus and know that He is in our midst. He calls us to community, and in community we find our strength and the beauty that is the Christian life.

We have the power to heal a broken world.

How can you help your neighbor? Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Ogdensburg has established a fund to assist flood victims in the North Country. Donations may be sent to Catholic Charities, 6866 State Highway 37, Ogdensburg, NY 13669

Reaching out to God's Abundant Gifts

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Reaching out seems to be the theme of my days lately. Being that I am pretty independent (probably to a fault) God is helping me to realize that I really do need others, not only in my home life or my work life but also in my spiritual life. I long for moments when I am able to share, both talking about, and listening to others talk about, God's great work in their life. Lately I have been meeting so many people who have shared their stories with me and I am so grateful. Every day, I hear God saying to me, "Reach Out".

In the readings for this week, we continue to hear about Jesus' public ministry, and how this crowd always seems to be around Him. What struck me this week, is the fact that the disciples were concerned about the crowd being hungry, and ask Jesus to dismiss them so they can go themselves something to eat. Jesus very nicely tells the disciples that they don't need to send them to get food for themselves, that they are, in a sense, responsible to feed them. Something all of us could learn. For me, it reminded me that in ministry, we feed people, and sometimes, maybe even most times, we are not convinced that we have enough to feed all the people that are around us. I often get anxious, and think, "What do I have to say?" or "How can I help people see God in their everyday life, enough for them to be inspired to dedicate themselves in the continual building of the kingdom?" Most days, I just don't feel like I am enough. But then I remember that God did make me enough, if I only believe in his greatness, and that God wouldn't ask me to do something that He didn't prepare me for or in which He is not ready to give me everything I need to be successful. (Last weeks readings tell us that.) The question is, do I have enough faith to believe it? Do I have enough faith to believe in the words I hear in Romans this week:

What will separate us from the love of Christ?
Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine,
or nakedness, or peril, or the sword?
No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly
through him who loved us.

Not even my own fears can separate me from the love of my Father in Heaven! God waits for me patiently, gently loving me until I can get over myself and get going on the work at hand. Always loving me perfectly. Today I heard a quote from Meister Eckhart that went something like...”I pray to God to get rid of "God". That is … to get rid of the God that lives in my head - that is comprehensible by my human brain which is so limited (and at times keeps me from the real God that is incomprehensible)doesn't really allow me to experience the immense Love that God is pouring to me. It is like the loaves and the fishes in the gospel this week, we think that there is not enough, I am not enough, the Church is not enough, the love I have in my life is not enough, and somehow, when our lives can be offered to our Father, we find that we have had more than we needed to be satisfied. Faith that all things work for good for those who love God.

I am thirsty, and each day is a step closer to the well and the life abundant that God has in store for me.